Today's Evil Beet Gossip
Jenni Farley

Happy New Year from J Woww’s Ass

photo of j woww ass new year's eve pictures
So Jersey Shore‘s J Woww and Snooki were tapped by MTV to host their New Year’s Eve celebration the other night, none other than J Woww’s grandma ass made an appearance, as you can see from the photo above.

In what can only be described as foreshadowing, J Woww had this to say about her then-upcoming stint as co-host of MTV’s Club NYE 2013:

“[I'm] preparing for a sh–show, basically. I’m trying to find that happy medium of not drunk but drunk… so not too drunk. Not like Snooki wasted but before that. Before my eyes start crossing and I can still read the teleprompter.”

Snooki, the show’s other host, had this to say:

“I’m still trying to get my body back form having a baby so I wanna make sure I have enough sparkle and enough bounce in my hair. I just wanna make sure I look good cause I know hosting with Jenni’s gonna be so much fun. I’m not worried about that but I just wanna make sure I look the part.”

In related news, J Woww is a rabid hose beast who wears dresses that are too short to live. Coincidence? I hardly think so.

Happy, happy New Year, everyone!

J Woww Dressed as a Nerdy Catherine Zeta-Jones for Halloween This Year

photo of j woww halloween pictures
And isn’t she cute? Seriously, this might be the best that J Woww‘s ever looked in life, and that’s almost sad, considering it’s only for Halloween.

For real, though? She’s looking a lot like CZJ circa ‘Mask of Zorro’, and if you don’t believe me, here it is:

photo of catherine zeta jones pictures
Right? Granted, Woww’s face is much puffier and a lot shinier because of fillers than CZJ’s lovely one, but there’s a lot of the same features going on there, and generally speaking, I think this is a winning look for girlfriend (both of them; how hot was Catherine in that movie? Damn).

Because I Know You Were Just Dying of Curiosity, J Woww’s RANG

photo of j woww pictures engagement ring photos
Here it is. And here you are, looking at it. ‘It’, of course, would be the ill-gotten (?) engagement ring of a reality show ho who calls herself J WOWW and who prides herself on bar fights and how much she can drink (and puke) in one night. Don’t you feel good about yourself now? Because you should.

Also, good ol’ Jenny Loves the Cock is all a-titter over the ring, saying she’s not worthy of it or something. From an exclusive interview with In Touch magazine:

“It’s more than I ever expected,” Jenni, 27, tells In Touch.

Roger, 37, says he spent months planning the proposal and worked with jeweler Layna Friedman to design the ring, with a cushion-cut diamond that’s more than 5 carats surrounded by 2.5 carats of pink and white diamonds in a white-gold setting.

“Roger’s not an average-looking guy, he’s huge: his personality, his size [6'4"]. So I always said, ‘I want my ring like you — big! The bigger the better!’”

And the first person she called to share the good news? Her best friend, Nicole “Snooki” Polizzi, who will be by her pal’s side as a bridesmaid or maid of honor when she walks down the aisle. “If there’s anyone in this world that wanted me to be engaged more than me,” Jenni says, “it’d be Nicole.”

So many, many things I could say about Jenni’s “the bigger, the better” comment. So many, many things I could say about the “anyone in this world that wanted me to be engaged more than me” comment. Oh good heavens. J Woww’s going to be a Jersey bridezilla with a capital HERPE (and yes, to the smart-ass commenter that, one time, said, “God I hope it’s a typo and you don’t actually believe that ‘herpes’ is a plural form of ‘herpe’, YES I’m using the word—my word—”herpe” again. LOVE YOU GIRL!).

Snooki & J Woww: The Extended Trailer. Dear God.

Alright. I’m about to reveal some really heavy shit right here, guys, and it kind of goes like this: this show. Well. I guess it actually doesn’t look all that bad. And worse? The trailer kind of makes Snooki and J Woww look like charming, young, all-American girls (let’s just not comment on the “all-American” part, OK?). Somehow, I was able to identify with J Woww with the whole quasi-disappointed “she’s [Snooki] not hoorah-ing,” and I was also able to identify with the confused, surprised, and kind of sad Snooki as she realized that she wasn’t sure what she wanted after hearing that she’s pregnant.

I do resolve, however, not to watch this show (publicly). I also will say that there’s still positively nothing appealing about either one of these young women (except for their soft, sensitive sides that have been magically revealed through their spin-off). Last, I’m going to make a promise to myself, and you guys, that I won’t be talking about this show when it debuts (much).

What did you guys think of the trailer? For the fans, is it everything you hoped for and more? For the haters, did it maybe change your outlook on Snooks and Jenni Farley? Help a sister out here.

Classy J Woww Compiled a “Presidents I’d Like to F-ck” List

photo of j woww presidents to fuck pictures photos pics
Why? Oh I don’t know. Probably because this is what J Woww considers “deep thinking,” because anytime she hears the words “deep,” she automatically associates them with “deep-throating” and deep as in “knee-deep in crusty vadge.”

In light of President’s Day today (which pissed me off, because my bank was closed, therefore a check I deposited on Saturday did not clear because of it), J wrote up her very own “President I’d Like to F-ck” list. Here they are in no particular order (I guess):

Ulysses S. Grant
Abraham Lincoln
Bill Clinton
George Washington
George W. Bush
Ronald Reagan
Barack Obama
John F. Kennedy

Ulysses S. Grant? Does she even know who he is? Because this is what he looked like in his heyday:

photo of ulysses s grant young pictures photos pics
Does she even know what she’s getting into there? And then, of course, you’ve got George Washington, which I suppose would be “hot” if you were into dudes that looked like your grandmother:

photo of george washington pics
Nope. Don’t get that one at all. Sorry, George.

I can understand (though I don’t agree with) Bill Clinton; there’s John F. Kennedy and Ronald Regan and Barack Obama who are definitely traditionally good looking, and I can even see George W – he seems like he’d be a decent lay – but the rest? Abraham Lincoln? Ulysses? Washington? I don’t know what I’m more repulsed by – that she chose these particular men, or the thought of her boning them.

In light of the holiday, who are Presidents that you’d f-ck? Would Ulysses S. Grant and George Washington appear on your list, too?

Are J Woww and Snooki Feminists?

photo of snooki and j woww hooking up pictures bisexual photos pics
I know – I just about died when I considered the notion, too, but after reading the interview they recently gave to our friends at the Huffington Post, I … well, read for yourself. Snooki and J Woww stopped by MTV studios in New York City earlier this week and talked about sexuality, Jersey Shore, and feminism, and how they claim it all goes together.

Snooki: I told her [J Woww] to run for president so that everyone [including same-sex couples] could get married. Because I certainly can’t [run for president.]

JWoww: I was really upset — that’s what I tweeted about. My friend couldn’t get married. He had to get a domestic partnership [at the time] and I was so pissed off about that. I was like, “I want to go to your wedding. You’re going to be my bridesmaid and I’m going to be your bridesmaid…”

Snooki: Is he going to wear a dress?

JWoww: I don’t know. I hope so. [Laughs]

Huff Po: You were both featured in one of MTV’s “Love Is Louder” videos which tackles the issue of bullying. In it you mentioned that you know what it’s like to be discriminated against. What were you referring to?

JWoww: We’re just very stereotyped. [Snooki was] bullied in high school and so was I.

Snooki: Yeah. And I’m probably the top celebrity that gets bullied today. I’m just different and everyone hates me for it.

JWoww: What we do on the show — people say we’re alcoholics. We get discriminated against for drinking. And we’re tan so now we’ve caused these tanning taxes and we’re getting a bad rap for tanning.

Snooki: People just take us too seriously.

HP: What’s the biggest misconception people have about you?

Snooki: That we’re stupid. We’re not stupid. We’re very smart, actually.

JWoww: That really gets under my skin. It’s like you don’t know me to judge me. We’re sorry we’re not walking on the shore with three-piece business suits or evening gowns.

HP: Do you read your own press?

Snooki: We have Google alerts!

HP: So do you take what people write about you seriously? Snooki, when people are writing about the pregnancy rumors, for instance, does it freak you out?

Snooki: No. I just like my name being in the news.

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Q: Is There a Way to Class Up Trash?

photo of jersey shore girls yrb pictures hot photos makeovers pics

A: In a word? NO.

But the Jersey Shore bitches are trying really, really hard in their shoot for YRB, which stars like Paris Hilton and Khloe Kardashian have graced the cover of. Yes indeedy, they’re truly giving it the old college try, whatever the eff that means.

Don’t get me wrong: they all look good. All of them, seriously. Even the trollish one who normally makes Snooki look like a frigging tall, willowy beauty pageant winner. It’s amazing, really.

Anyway. I’m going to leave this one up to you guys – the Jersey Shore gals: can you dress ‘em up and make them OK to look at for a few minutes without breaking out into hives and herpes-by-osmosis?

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Photos courtesy of TooFab