A little over a month or so ago, Britney Spears and Iggy Azalea came out with a track called “Pretty Girls”, a bop they hoped would become the song of the summer. It’s catchy, sure, and the video is ridiculously hilarious to the point that it almost becomes kind of enjoyable in spite of it, but it never took off. No one’s blasting it from their cars as they drive around town, no one’s requesting it on the radio, and no one’s paying for it. The fault for that, says Iggy, is all on Britney.
Below are a bunch of her messy ass tweets about the song. Her basic argument is that she’s only “featured” so she has no power to do anything (despite the fact that people have proven her wrong by citing other collab songs where one artist has gone out to do promo work on it) and that she won’t “suck the woman’s asshole” (that’s Britney’s asshole, for the record) by not calling her out. Lord have mercy. Can’t anyone keep her off social media?
@rhuancesarr its difficult to send a song up the charts without additional promo and tv performances etc. unfortunately im just featured…
Iggy Azalea is like a housefly. No matter how much poison you spray, no matter how much you swat her away, she’s still there, buzzing incessantly and spreading bacteria everywhere. This woman will just NOT GO AWAY, and I don’t understand why. How much more do you have to be told you’re not wanted before you’re finally blasted into obscurity for you to accept it and move on? Go back to Australia, girl. Sit in your nice, comfy suburb with your cultural appropriation money and chill forever so we never have to hear from you. But no, Iggy doesn’t want to do that. Instead, she’s going to release a book. Say what?
Her friend Brock Fetch was taking pictures at the tour rehearsals to use in the program, but since it has been scrapped, Azalea has decided to release the behind-the-scenes snaps in a picture book.
She announced on Twitter, “I’m (sic) making a book. I guess you could say it’s a coffee table book… it’s all pictures… my friend Brock Fetch has been taking them for me… It all started with the tour, we planned to use them in the program BTS (behind the scenes) stuff from the set build etc I thought would be interesting.
“Obviously the tour isn’t (sic) happening but Brock and I figured that shouldn’t (sic) mean we stop documenting stuff. BTS of life not just the stage… I love all the old authentic, warm, candid pictures that make you feel like you could close your eyes and be there.”
So… she’s legitimately that narcissistic and clueless that she literally thinks people want a book full of pictures of her face? Lawd… no words.
So, Iggy Azalea has already had to cancel her tour since no one wants to pay to see her stupid ass, but it seems the world’s “no, thank you” response extends to free occasions, as well, as she’s now pulled out of her scheduled performance at Pittsburgh Pride because, you know, she’s said way too much racist and homophobic bullshit in her day for people to be happy about that gig.
Things got so bad that even Pittsburgh City Council President Bruce Kraus spoke out against Iggy’s inclusion and groups started pulling out from the Pride festivities over it. So, Iggy had to pull out, and this is the message she posted to her “fans” (how she still has them is beyond me) on Twitter:
Okay, whatever. If you want a full archive of some of the bullshit that’s come out of this girl’s mouth (fingertips), here ya go. Don’t say I didn’t warn you your brain cells will die.
Iggy Azalea has been dating LA Lakers guard/forward Nick Young since late 2013, and people were wondering when they were going to get married. It seems like there’s no time like the present, especially considering Iggy just had to cancel her entire tour since no one wanted to buy any tickets. I guess she was in need of a pick-me-up, and she got one in the form of a massive engagement ring.
Nick announced the news on his Instagram page with the following photo. And can I just say that ring is AWFUL?
While Iggy Azalea‘s star continues to wane, she’s desperate to grab on to any last celestial scrap she can before she plummets back down to the shithole she came from. As such, she’s managed to book herself a little feature in the April issue of Vogue, where she’s decided to “be honest” (i.e. desperately try to get more attention by any means possible) about many things, including the fact that she got fake tits a few months ago.
It is slightly stunning, then, when I ask the rather routine question “What would you change about your body?” and she replies, popping a French fry in her mouth and not blinking an eye, “I did change something: Four months ago, I got bigger boobs! I’d thought about it my entire life.” She says she was sick of having to sew padding into her stage costumes and wanted to be able to wear lingerie without wiring. At first she resolved never to discuss this publicly; she didn’t want girls—so many of her fans are barely high school age—to feel bad about their own bodies. “But then,” she says, “I decided I wasn’t into secret-keeping.”
Oh, Christ. It’s not a SECRET if you don’t come out and announce that you had your boobs done. The fact that you ARE coming out and announcing it is a desperate cry for people to give a shit about you since they’re very clearly not doing that very much these days.
There’s literally not much else to this piece AT ALL, but here’s the closing paragraph, which is pretty hilarious:
Azalea hates changing rooms—which may be why she falls for a Chloé poncho that can, she says, be tossed over thermals, making her legs and shoes the only thing she has to worry about. “All of a sudden I am fabulous!” she says. “I want to be superfabulous—but also lazy.”
I don’t know the last time any person over the age of 8 has uttered the words “I want to be superfabulous” and meant it, but here we are. Iggy Azalea, ladies and gentlemen.
Kylie Jenner‘s life (thankfully) somewhat of a mystery. She doesn’t seem to do very much, save for post selfies on Instagram and crash her car into things. She doesn’t go to school, despite the fact that technically she should still be in high school. She doesn’t use the obscene amount of money she has for good, though I assume she feels spending that money on endless plastic surgery to look like big sis Kim counts as “for good”. But listen, maybe I’m giving Kylie a hard time. After all, she’s actually ready to launch her singing career!
Kylie! Singing! With her statutory rapist! And possibly the worst “rapper” alive! Oh, does it get any better? I think the answer you’re looking for here is “NOPE!”
Admittedly, this MAY be fake. The pics are real – Kylie did a shoot in the Hollywood Hills with LA-based photographer Naeve Bozorgi this past week and plastered her Instagram with some of the shots, as you do. The above image with the potential single information also made the rounds, but Kylie herself hasn’t posted it, so who can say if this will turn up? Part of me secretly hopes it does. HOW AMAZINGLY BAD WILL IT BE? I mean, it’s (potentially) called “Forever Real”, for God’s sake. My heart lives in hope.
For now, here are some more of these ~artsy~ shots:
Iggy Azalea makes it so easy to make fun of her – or perhaps, as the Aussies would say, to “take the piss” out of her. She’s an absolute mess from start to finish, seems to bask in her extreme ignorance and literally offers nothing to the world of hip hop – or music at large. What should we do about that? Well, since we can’t seem to get rid of her just yet, I suppose Kate McKinnon should immortalize Iggy and her feud with Azealia Banks on Saturday Night Live!
I mean, look, it wasn’t “LOL” funny, but it was a humourous observation, particularly because it gets at the truth of what a mess Iggy is. The Azealia bit wasn’t all that necessary, but eh, they can’t all be winners. The bottom line is, Kate McKinnon is great and Iggy Azalea is the worst. Also, SNL is SO bad these days, and not even Kate McKinnon can save it.