Today's Evil Beet Gossip
Chris Crocker

Sundance Film Festival Star Chris Crocker No Longer Interested in Doing Porno

Photo: Me @ the Zoo, a documentary about Chris Crocker

So late last night I suddenly realized, gosh, I’ve hardly read about Sundance this year. Like, OK, it isn’t Cannes (shrug), but I am pretty sure we all used to take Sundance a little more seriously. Maybe I just feel that way because I really like the Sundance catalogue, with all its loom-woven Navajo shawls and hammered jewelry. Who knows.

Uh, anyway, guess what. There is a documentary about Chris Crocker. And guess what else. It premiered at Sundance. It’s a nominee for the Grand Jury Prize. And guess what else. HBO has acquired the Chris Crocker documentary. (Chris Crocker: “You guys love me for me—you guys hate me for me—and thank you!”)

And the movie, Me @ The Zoo is getting, uh, really sound reviews. Not uniformly positive reviews, but… I mean, it really is being treated like a real, honest-to-blog documentary film. The Onion‘s Nathan Rabin gives the movie a solid B. At least one reviewer calls it “fast, frantic, and at times unbearably sad,” but warns that the movie is shallow and lacking in intimacy. In fact, critics seem to agree that while the movie has too much “Chris Crocker,” it doesn’t have quite enough Chris Crocker. Get it?

HitFix:

Few people better illustrate the evolving nature of celebrity and the blurring between fame and notoriety better than Chris Crocker. Best known as The “Leave Britney Alone!” Guy, Crocker’s YouTube videos have been viewed hundreds of millions of times, but among those viewers, the ratio of hate-to-love or annoyance-to-appreciation likely tips to the negative.

Sometimes flamboyant and shrill, but occasionally exhibiting the flair of a natural improv comedian, Crocker has milked his Internet persona well beyond any logical lifespan, seemingly never breaking character.

Meanwhile, Jeremy Feist of PopBytes—missing the forest for the trees, I think—is shocked, shocked! that Crocker has seemingly abandoned his plans to star in a porn (NSFW).

This little news snippet first arrived in the form of an interview Crocker did with Queerty. In it, Crocker is thoughtful and articulate. He stresses that his “Leave Britney Alone!” viral video, while over-the-top, was never intended as insincere. He seems really reconciled—not at ease, necessarily, but reconciled—in terms of how his online persona is/isn’t split from his real-life persona.

Then, when the interviewer finally gets around to asking Chris Crocker about gay porn, Crocker is already kind of exasperated. “I don’t know what’s going on with that right now, to be honest,” he says simply.

Courtney Stodden/Chris Crocker Collaboration Now in the Works

Photo: CROCKERSTODDEN: the unholy Frankenstein of social media whoring

We haven’t seen too much of Chris Crocker around these parts lately—although, back in June, we did see too much of Chris Crocker’s parts. I think we all needed a six-month vacation from Mr. Crocker. You’re welcome.

But Crocker, an unabashed whore for fame—which is refreshing in its own way—is looking to again raise his, um, profile. And what better woman to pave Crocker’s road to stardom than the inimitable Courtney Stodden! He can ride her transparent bra-straps to Internet infamy.

PopBytes has a transcript of the brainstorm in action:

ChrisCrocker: @CourtneyStodden Courtney, I just feel like we’re kindred spirits. Shall I make a #LeaveCourtneyAlone video?

CourtneyStodden: @ChrisCrocker Our souls are timelessly connected Chris – That video would be such a divine creation! Love you… muah! XOs

ChrisCrocker: @CourtneyStodden That means so much, Court. (if I may call u that.) I hope that someday we can have tea and cross our legs like girlfriends!

CourtneyStodden: @ChrisCrocker Let’s hookup… message my private contact ;) facebook.com/therillcourtne… &/or youtube.com/courtneystodden

A “divine creation“? More like an “unholy union.”

There you have it, Crocker: unsurprisingly, Courtney Stodden is totally on board with whatever it is your sneaky little brain is cooking up. I just love it when artists collaborate.

Well, kids? When you put two Wrongs together, can they make a Right?

Courtney + Chris =
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Chris Crocker: From YouTube Star to Porn Star

Chris Crocker transformation

Please, mom, stop reading right now.

Self-made celebrity Chris Crocker—that’s right, the “Leave Britney Aloooone” guy—has been experimenting with a new, scruffy look. And it works? Like, it totally works. Not only does the kid look great, he’s looking androgynous-male-model great.

Chris Crocker is evidently aware of his own ugly-duckling transformation story, and that’s probably why he’s been posting his own nude photos to his NSFW Tumblr. Today, Gawker announces that Chris Crocker is on his way to a feature-length porno, shooting (aaaaauuuuggghh) this summer.

So, um, I guess that’s it, then: I’m about to fulfill my longstanding nightmare of posting a pile of Chris Crocker’s dickshots to the Internet, just as Chris Crocker himself always intended. I… I’m sorry. I’ll, uh, catch you on the flip-side. Good luck.

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Quotables: Willow Smith Talks About Her Hair-Whipping Cohorts

“Me and my mom first came up with Willowettes, and then we came up with Warriorettes. It takes a warrior to stand up for themselves and not let anybody tell them that what they’re wearing or what they’re saying or what they’re doing is wrong. It takes a warrior to do that, but it still takes sensitivity … also. We were kind of sloshing between Warriorettes and Willowettes, so we just called them Warriorettes, ’cause that’s the stuff that you need to do that. ‘Whip My Hair’ means don’t be afraid to be yourself and don’t let anybody tell you that that’s wrong. Because the best thing is you.

How darling is this girl?  I may not be all about that “Whip My Hair” song  - which is not to say that she isn’t a talented kid, it’s just not really my jam – but I’ll be damned if that little statement didn’t touch my heart.  Because the best thing is you, you guys.  Do you understand what Willow’s trying to communicate with this?  Adorable.

On a different note, I’m not going to play like the minute I heard about this song I didn’t think about Chris Crocker’s preciously wackadoodle “It’s a Hair Flip” video.  Is it too soon to request a Chris Crocker/Willow Smith collaboration?

Chris Crocker’s New Single

Do you guys remember Chris Crocker?  You know, “Leave Britney Alone!”, that guy?  Well, he’s still doing his thing, and right now his thing is music.  You can listen to his newest single, “Best of Both Worlds,” in the video above.  I think it’s kind of catchy.  What about you?

Ok, being a girl from a small town in Tennessee, this is kind of my only chance to talk about someone semi-famous that I know or have met, so I’m going to go ahead and grab it.  See, Chris Crocker is from my hometown, and we used to be mallrats together.  We would sit in the bookstore and read astrology books and play with my Harry Potter action figures by making them fly off the balcony and down to the first floor. I mean, back in 2004 his voicemail message was this five minute monologue, which included the very memorable line “My boyfriend can make you disappear.  He’ll pull things out of your ear and say things like ‘we’ve never met before, have we?’”  I remember when we got kicked out of the mall because he was wearing a shirt that says “I Love Lesbians,” and I see him looking fabulous at the gay bar all the time.  So anytime someone says something about Chris Crocker being fake or a drama queen or that he’s perpetuating a stereotype, I’m like “No, not so much.  He’s really just being himself.”

I WILL NEVER GET BORED OF CHRIS CROCKER!

chris_bikini.jpg

chris_truck.jpg

Never, never, never, never, never!!

You know why I love Chris Crocker?

Because Chris Crocker is a self-made man.

No one came to his high school and offered him a part in a reality TV show. No, no. He did this all by himself. All by his crazy, dramatic, fame-whoring self. Nobody helped him. And that is what Hollywood is supposed to be made of.

And seriously the photo of him hanging out of a truck window massaging his nipples is probably the hardest I’ve laughed all week. I’d like to say I’ve never done the same thing, but I can at least say I’ve never done the same thing for a professional photographer. Just whoever happened to be on that tour bus passing by.