Today's Evil Beet Gossip
Brody Jenner

Can Someone Please Explain How This Couple Works?

Color me a moron, but how the fuck are these two still together?

Everything I know about Avril Lavigne (bratty Canadian pop-princess who’s had the same hair since 2003) and Brody Jenner (spoiled white boy/son of a celebrity athlete with a penchant for Barbie-like girls) says that they shouldn’t work together. If I had to imagine these two at home, it would just be a long series of arguments where Brody wants Avril to shut up and “just act normal” and Avril wants Brody to go skateboarding and rip the heads off rodents.

This relationship just screams “ongoing publicity stunt” to me. Except we don’t see them out together all that often and they’ve yet to pay a visit to Brody’s dad while the Keeping Up With The Kardashians cameras were around. I’m truly puzzled (but I do love her shoes!)

What do you think it is that keeps these two desperates together?

The Hills Finale Party: One Billion Photos!

We’re a day late on these, and I apologize, but I swear I couldn’t find them on the photo services until tonight.

All our favorite Hills castmembers were there: Audrina! Stephanie! Lo! Brody! Holly! Kristen! COCAINE! (not pictured)

And LAUREN CONRAD, who looks fucking fantastic and happy and wonderful and OMG I love you so much Lauren Conrad. There was NEVER a show after you left! And you are BY FAR the most beautiful of all these people and it doesn’t look like you’ve had a stitch of work done. I’m so happy for you that you ditched this train before it wrecked.

Conspicuously absent: Heidi and Spencer. Because they’re fucking insane and weren’t invited. Seriously, though, I was talking with a girlfriend yesterday about how freakin’ tragic it is for Heidi that this show ever happened to her. Like, she was this perfectly nice, cute girl from Colorado with a lovely future ahead of her who is now pretty much the textbook definition of what it looks like when someone gets sucked into Hollywood. Her face and body are mutilated. Her family hates her. Her marriage was a sham and her “husband” is a candidate for a lobotomy. I hate to say it, but I feel awful for her. I don’t know how you even begin to pick up the pieces after your life has become so shattered.

Lastly: I hate Kristin Cavallari as much as the next person, but I would give up a finger or two for her legs. This bitch gives Jen Aniston a run for her money.

Avril Lavigne Dates All Sorts of Guys

I mean, she went from a man with Hollywood’s widest nose to a man with Hollywood’s narrowest nose in, what, like three seconds flat? She might not be able to sing a note without the beauty of auto-tune, but her personal flair for guys has quite a range at any rate.

Lavigne filed for divorce from Deryck Whibley (who is — was, whichever — the lead singer of Sum 41) back in October and she’s already been linked to two or three different guys since then. I guess that’s part of the whole pink-princess “rock and roll” edge that she’s got to her, mmhmm?

Her latest confirmed sexual conquest is none other than Brody Jenner. The two allegedly started dating earlier this year, but despite that fact, she was spied getting cozy with her ex-husband, Whibley, recently. And alas, our very own grubby love triangle emerged in Hollywood this past week partying it up. Together. The three were said to have reserved a private VIP table at the W Hotel and later left in a car. Again, together. Later on the odd trio was said to grab a bit of an early breakfast at an all-night diner. The three did not leave together this time, however — Whibley was said to make a quick exit, while the other two lingered lovingly over red hot Formica and muddy coffee.

Um, say it with me: “Eewwwuh.”