1Somebody’s Moving Out of Ashton and Demi’s House

From People:

A moving truck parked outside the Santa Monica home of Ashton Kutcher and Demi Moore is adding fuel to the “split” fire surrounding the couple’s relationship status.

When contacted by PEOPLE, the moving company, Wetzel & Sons, could not comment due to confidentiality.

So, a moving truck, huh? Isn’t this, like, the same exact thing that happened with Sandra Bullock and Jesse James? The affair allegations surfaced and no one heard anything for weeks on what Sandy was going to do about it, but then all of a sudden – BAM! There was a moving truck outside their shared home and Bullock got the eff out of there fast as can be. Is this what we’re to expect? Because though it’s not surprising, it’s still shockingly final if one of them is heading for the hills and taking their crap with them.

Guess that camping thing didn’t work out so well, huh?

Image courtesy of People

October 14, 2011 at 12:30 pm by Sarah

13Sara Leal Opens Up About Ashton Kutcher

Well this just may be the final nail in the coffin of Demi and Ashton’s marriage: alleged mistress Sara Leal, who was advised a mere week ago to deactivate all of her social networking sites and avoid making any public appearances or statements by a real, live lawyer, has broken her silence and is now talking about her escapade with Ashton, which is said to have occurred on his 6th wedding anniversary. Leal says that the two had met weeks prior, and had arranged to meet at a hotel later on in the month:

“He just came up and kissed me. I didn’t think it was out of the ordinary… I wasn’t self-conscious about getting naked,” she explained, noting that another woman was also involved in the hot tub tryst.

Noting that Kutcher claimed to be separated from Moore, Sara continued, “He lost his towel and I took my robe off… Then we had sex. He was good… It wasn’t weird or perverted.”

Leal, who is a 22-year-old administrative assistant, went on to say that she and Ashton had sex a second time, then claiming that Kutcher told her, “I enjoy things like this because I’m an actor 90 percent of the time and it’s fake. It’s nice to have moments that are real.”

So are we to assume that “things like this” have occurred before, or that Sara Leal was a one-time thing? And is anyone else completely enthralled by the fact that Ashton is good in bed? It’s like, “I just knew it.”

Jump in for a photo of Sara Leal’s tits, woo!

(more…)

October 12, 2011 at 7:30 am by Sarah

0Just Because: Some Crazy Got An Ashton Kutcher Tattoo

Yeah, so this girl in Brazil got this sweet tattoo as a way of expressing her love of everyone’s favorite douchebag, Ashton Kutcher. And yes, it does read “Ashton Kutcher I love you, love is forever fan love you.” And yes, this is the best tattoo I’ve ever seen.

Do you love it or do you love it?

October 11, 2011 at 5:30 pm by Emily

1Ashton and Demi Go Camping to Make Their Marriage All Better

OK, first of all, how creepy is it that people can’t go CAMPING without photographers lurking in the dark shadows of the trees? That really freaks me out. I mean, me, when I go camping, I worry. I worry about bears (had one rush our campsite once), hook-wielding insane asylum escapees (too many scary stories as a kid), and backwoods Deliverance fiends, and yet people like Ashton and Demi have to worry about people intentionally hiding, intentionally skulking around in the forest behind them? That’s just mad creepy if you ask me.

Creepy or not, though, this is allegedly the last-ditch effort to try and save a violated marriage, and Ashton and Demi have brought out the big Kabbalah guns – they even took them camping with them. From Radar Online:

Two and a Half Men star Ashton Kutcher used Yom Kippur, the holiest and most solemn day of the year for Jews, to beg his heartbroken wife Demi Moore for forgiveness — at a campfire heart-to-heart in Santa Barbara, Calif., RadarOnline.com is exclusively reporting.

And it gets better – supposedly Demi Moore freaked out at the woman who took the photograph:

Looking gaunt and tired, Demi confronted the amateur photographer and tried in vain to block the woman’s camera, screaming in her face: “Please don’t take photos of me or my family. Please don’t expose this.”

Demi and the camper went nose-to-nose before the hostile star scurried back to the camp and ordered Ashton and their three friends to hide inside their tent in a bid to avoid being snapped further, according to an eye Witness.

“Demi was screaming,” the onlooker told Star. “Once she knew she had been photographed, she whistled at Ashton and gestured for him to hurry into the tent.”

So then … good luck, I guess?

October 11, 2011 at 5:30 am by Sarah

0Some Photos of the Chick That Ashton’s Rumored to be Cheating With

This is Sara Leal. And she’s the one that Ashton Kutcher’s about to lose his marriage over, supposedly, anyway. I think she’s a cute girl, and she’s probably got a lot to offer, but you know what the best thing about all of this is? She’s pretty average. That says a lot about your everyday *regular* girls and what they have to offer. It apparently doesn’t matter if you dropped a condo’s-worth of money on plastic surgery, who your former boyfriends were, or how many pairs of shoes you’ll wear only once are sitting in your closet. I’m not saying that Ashton only hooked up with this girl for superficial reasons, but I’m guessing that there had to be more to it than just that if he was willing to risk his whole “perfect” marriage over.

If, you know, this thing even pans out to be true. But sources are saying that Sara Leal received legal counsel and was advised to delete all of her social networking profiles, so there’s that, of course.

September 30, 2011 at 5:30 pm by Sarah

2Ashton ‘Unfollowed’ Demi on Twitter

Holy hell. I know Sarah reported on Ashton and Demi’s imminent divorce yesterday afternoon, but here comes the freshest, stupidest update: ASHTON IS NO LONGER FOLLOWING DEMI ON TWITTER, RadarOnline can “exclusively report” (by just looking at his Twitter profile).

Moreover, Demi Moore only recently re-followed Ashton Kutcher’s account—which tells us that, at some point, SHE UNFOLLOWED HIM, TOO.

In this modern, dynamic culture, Twitter unfollows and Facebook defriendings are part-and-parcel of an all-new topography of individuation, where every human relationship is treated as a dinky social event. That is to say: contemporary information technology facilitates fresh new ways for 47-year-old women to behave like 13-year-old girls. Madonna.

September 30, 2011 at 5:30 am by Jenn