Today's Evil Beet Gossip
Ashton Kutcher

Aww, Bruce Willis Made Ashton Kutcher Cry!

A photo of Bruce Willis and Ashton Kutcher

Can’t you just see it now? Bruce Willis just railing into Ashton for all his indiscretions, getting just a little too in his face, landing a few of his Bruce Willis spit bubbles on his face because he can’t contain his anger? You can see it, right? So is it sadistic to giggle?

Let’s get into all the glorious details, from the National Enquirer via Celebitchy:

Bruce Willis demanded – and got – a face-to-face butt-kicking showdown that left Ashton Kutcher shaking like a leaf after the “Die Hard” star confronted the smarmy party boy/cheater about dissing Demi Moore via his closerthanthis sleazefest with bigmouth Sara Leal! “Ashton kept avoiding Bruce’s calls and texts, but finally agreed to meet his wife’s ex-husband at a private location,” said a close pal of the couple. “Bruce was livid! He reamed Ashton for his cheating – and humiliating not just ex-wife Demi, but his three daughters as well. He went at Ashton full force, giving him no time to make excuses for his embarrassing behavior, demanding that he get his act together fast! Ashton finally broke down in tears, weeping uncontrollably as he begged forgiveness. [Ashton is] devastated because Demi’s consulted a divorce attorney [and] begged Bruce to step in and stop her from committing to a separation. He reportedly vowed to Bruce. “I will NEVER, EVER cheat again!” Said the source: “Bruce isn’t ready to shake hands with Ashton just yet, but he did speak with Demi and advised her that if she decides to try keeping her marriage intact, she should seek traditional marriage counseling – not just the Kabbalah counseling they’ve been doing.”

Ashton Kutcher. Shaking like a leaf. Breaking down in tears. Weeping uncontrollably. Begging forgiveness. The only way that mental image could get any better is if it ended with Bruce Willis flailing around like a douchebag and screaming “you just got PUNK’D!”

Demi Moore Doesn’t Trust Ashton Anymore So She’s Lurking in His Trailer Now

photo of ashton kutcher and demi moore in happier days pictures photos pics
According to sources close to Ashton and Demi:

“Demi didn’t come on the actual shooting set or anything — she never does — but she spent the day on the lot in his massive trailer. When Ashton and Demi were spotted together, “he put his arm around her and they acted like a couple. They were talking and smiling at each other. Everything seemed just like normal.”

However, a gal pal told press that Demi still hasn’t gotten over Ashton’s alleged affair. “She loves him, but can’t forgive him for the embarrassment he has caused.”

Oh Demi. How sad is that, girl? Hanging out in your husband’s trailer because you fear he’s going to cheat on you with, who, Jon Cryer? That’s no way to live a life. I have no doubts that you love this douche nozzle, but sacrificing your own well-being, and hoping so bad that your husband won’t stray again that you’re willing to monitor his every move is just not healthy, friend. You deserve way better than this.

Quotables: Ashton Kutcher Got Naked for Lea Michele

A photo of Lea Michele

“He [Ashton] really takes everything so seriously, but then he would also make me laugh so hard and play pranks on me [during the filming of New Year's Eve]. One day, I opened up a door and he was supposed to be there fully clothed and he wasn’t. That was awesome.”

- Lea Michele somehow manages to refer to Ashton Kutcher being naked as “awesome.”

Way to stir up some shit, Lea. It’s not like anything is going on in Ashton’s life that would make this little remark seem shady or inappropriate. Nope, not at all. Keep up the good work, Lea!

Ashton Kutcher is Smoking and Demi Moore is Skeletal

photo of demi moore and ashton kutcher together marriage divorce pictures photos
Tell me this doesn’t look like two people going through hell. But what’s Kutcher‘s deal? Is he, like, truly remorseful for what he did and wants to make the marriage with Demi work, or is he just trying to save face and not come across looking like a douchebag (or lose out on a perpetual link to what modern celebritydom considers Hollywood “royalty”)?

The interaction here is just fascinating: these two bastards photographed getting into the same car, allegedly headed to a religious counseling sessions, scrawny Demi giving Ashton some serious stink-eye. But maybe that’s just the instant effect of drinking that seaweed-looking shit. What the hell is that, liquid resentment?

Ashton Kutcher Defends His “Integrity”

This would be the “statement” prompting us to forget everything that Ashton allegedy did with Sara Leal by trying to confuse us with big words like “integrity,” “media,” bastardize,” and “truth.” You can’t fool us, though, Ashton – we know what those words mean no matter how you try to intertwine them and craft them into a veritable tapestry of crafty mastermindery.

My favorite part was this, though:

“We really have to take it upon ourselves to instill a level of honesty in our works and the media we create and we share with each other. And be certain we are doing our own diligence to ensure what we’re saying is for the benefit of another…using our full capacity to share the truth.”

Right. The truth. Got that? DO YOUR DILIGENCE.

Demi Moore’s Looking Awfully Thin These Days

photo of demi moore pictures thin skinny anorexic pics

This is Demi, who was photographed at a recent film premiere, and I think it’s safe to say that the recent affair allegations have taken their toll big time on her.

My advice to the woman? Eat a sandwich. In fact, eat a few of them, and have a few stouts along with them, too. You’re an accomplished actress with decades of experience, and truth is, you married a doofus. A hot doofus, I’ll give you that, but a doofus nonetheless. We all make these kinds of mistakes sometimes. Try not to sweat it so much, and move the f*ck on. You deserve so much better, girl.

Somebody’s Moving Out of Ashton and Demi’s House

photo of moving truck outside of ashton kutcher and demi moore house pictures cheating scandal pics

From People:

A moving truck parked outside the Santa Monica home of Ashton Kutcher and Demi Moore is adding fuel to the “split” fire surrounding the couple’s relationship status.

When contacted by PEOPLE, the moving company, Wetzel & Sons, could not comment due to confidentiality.

So, a moving truck, huh? Isn’t this, like, the same exact thing that happened with Sandra Bullock and Jesse James? The affair allegations surfaced and no one heard anything for weeks on what Sandy was going to do about it, but then all of a sudden – BAM! There was a moving truck outside their shared home and Bullock got the eff out of there fast as can be. Is this what we’re to expect? Because though it’s not surprising, it’s still shockingly final if one of them is heading for the hills and taking their crap with them.

Guess that camping thing didn’t work out so well, huh?

Image courtesy of People