It’s a vibrator. Alicia Silverstone wants to sell you a vibrator.
Here’s her pitch:
Ok, ladies– sometimes it’s nice to have a little extra…something…when you’re getting it on (solo, with your partner…whatever floats your boat). There is one personal massager company that’s actually Kinder than all the rest.
These vibrators from Leaf come in a bunch of different shapes, all inspired by nature. I like that they look natural and feminine…like leaves and flowers…not scary. Plus they’re made from phalate-free, super-soft (and safe) silicone, and they use rechargeable batteries. And they’re shipped to you in packaging that’s not only discrete, but made from recycled materials.
There’s a few different varieties so you can pick one that speaks to you. It’s nice to know that you can get your green on and your groove on at the same time!
It makes sense that a lady who feeds her child by chewing food and spitting it in his mouth would be into eco-friendly sex toys, but you know what doesn’t make sense? How a vibrator can be shaped like leaves and flowers.
Oh, but wait:
Who’s buying one, huh? Treat your genitals to a leaf! Go wild!*
*These are actually pretty cute and not at all terrifying, so I’d totally support you in this.
October 23, 2012 at 4:30 am by Emily
“The movie’s really about the exploration of, ‘Do we really want to live forever? What happens? Is it going to be fun to go to clubs and hang out with young people forever or is it not?’ … It was just great costumes and beautiful makeup. You get all the perks of Clueless. I think by the end of the movie, all little girls will want coffins.”
Two female vampires in modern-day New York City are faced with daunting romantic possibilities.
Oh. So, OK. It’s going to be more like a Dark Shadows thing rather than a Twilight thing. Dark Shadows meets Twilight meets Sex and the City, perhaps? And if so, wow! Could this possibly sound any worse? Maybe the cast will be the redeeming factor—it includes Kristen Johnston, Malcolm McDowell, and Sigourney Weaver, too.
As for you, Amy Heckerling, damn. You did Clueless, which was epic, Look Who’s Talking and Fast Times at Ridgemont High, which are classic, and then this? Way to bring it on home to the modern, girl. I hope, for your sake, that Alicia Silverstone can deliver after all of this save-the-world-one-pre-chew-at-a-time thing.
May 4, 2012 at 5:30 am by Sarah
Oh, and just so we’re clear, when I talk about the way Alicia Silverstone feeds her son, I’m specifically talking about the way she baby-birds him. I didn’t want you to think that I was going to tell you all about how she breastfeeds him or feeds him baby food from a spoon or anything like that. Nope, this is all about how she chews food up and spits it into her son’s mouth. You remember:
I almost didn’t tell you about this because this morning I woke up at 3:00 AM and I’ve spent the majority of that time in the bathroom, dry-heaving and vomiting and doing crossword puzzles, and I didn’t want to get sick again. But then I saw that Alicia Silverstone actually called her feeding method “adorable,” and I couldn’t let this one go:
Asked if chewing her food and then passing it open-mouth to her son was in the spirit of Cher Horowitz, the ditzy character she played in Clueless, Ms Silverstone launched into a lengthy defence of the practice.
She said: “People have been feeding their kids that way for thousands for years. It’s a weaning process. Honestly, when I posted the video I was not thinking, so maybe I was like Cher! I think it’s adorable and it makes me laugh every time he does it.
“He attacks my mouth and I think it’s adorable. He also knows how to use his hands and he also eats regular food so when babies are weaning, he still breastfeeds. Some people think that’s disgusting too which is insane.
“It’s just a thing that has been going on for thousands of years and I didn’t think I was inventing anything but in our culture…
“Every time my husband goes to the YMCA some guy comes over and says, “That’s how we do it in the south!” Between him getting those great comments and me knowing in my gut it’s natural and lovely, I really wasn’t trying to tell anybody what to do.
“I wasn’t saying this was anything somebody should do. I wasn’t trying to be independent or cause such a ruckus. I’m very glad that I did it.”
Well, I think she handled it nicely. She could have easily gone into “leave me and my baby alone!” mode, but she discussed it, which was good. Of course, this is her choice, and this is the way she wants to do things, and it’s not some awful abusive thing to do.
But man, is it gross.
Listen, if some baby kept “attacking my mouth,” I would not handle it well, and I think most people would be in my boat. I can’t tell you how many times a child has climbed on my lap when I had some food that she wanted, and I’m not stingy, I’ll share some ice cream with a baby, but not if the baby is lunging at my mouth with her trap gaping open. That baby needs to learn some manners and stop being so demanding.
Also, what’s that whole “that’s how we do it in the south!” comment? Because that is not how we do it in the south. As a person who has lived her entire life in the south and who has interacted with many a baby, that is most definitely not how we do it in the south.
April 12, 2012 at 10:30 am by Emily
OK, so you remember how grossed out I was that Alicia Silverstone chews her cud and spits it into her kid’s mouth, right? I apparently wasn’t the only one who thought the video deserved a little bit more attention than it had gotten, because Jimmy Kimmel did one of his fabulous f-ck-with-your-kids challenges and the end result was … well, it was horrendously, deliciously hilarious, and yes, I do intend a pun to rear its head in there somewhere.
Jimmy asked parents to “Silverstone” their kids, and generally, the poor things were as completely as repulsed by the whole practice as I was, but I can’t tell a lie: there were a few freaks thrown into the mix who totally didn’t seem to mind that their meals had been partially chewed and spit out like yesterday’s … well, food.
See what little Bear Blu’s got to look forward to when he’s older? You know, aside from the whole joy of being called ‘Bear Blu‘?
April 3, 2012 at 3:30 pm by Sarah
OK, this shit is nasty. For the last g-ddamned time, we are not animals, we should not eat each other, and we should definitely not chew our cud and feed our kids like f-cking birds. Or cows. Because? All together now: WE ARE NOT F-CKING ANIMALS.
Alicia Silverstone is under fire for posting this video of her, obviously, chewing up her food and spitting it into her son’s mouth. Doctors have immediately responded, saying that she’s gross and f-cked in the head and people should never, ever feed another person from their mouths:
Dr. Jennifer Landa, M.D Chief Medical Officer of BodyLogicMD, told FOX411’s Pop Tarts column, “There are those who think that a mom chewing a baby’s food provides helpful enzymes from her mouth but it doesn’t seem like a hygienic practice. Various viruses and bacteria, but especially herpes virus, may be passed from mother to baby.”
Alicia had this to say, as if this business is normal in most worlds:
“I just had a delicious breakfast of miso soup, collards and radish steamed and drizzled with flax oil, cast iron mochi with nori wrapped outside, and some grated daikon. Yum! I fed Bear the mochi and a tiny bit of veggies from the soup…from my mouth to his. It’s his favorite…and mine. He literally crawls across the room to attack my mouth if I’m eating. This video was taken about a month or 2 ago when he was a bit wobbly. Now he is grabbing my mouth to get the food!”
First of all, I don’t even know what half of that food shit is. Second? Is this something we really want to be teaching a new generation, because I’m telling you right now – if some young shithead runs clear across a restaurant to attack my mouth while I’m eating because something I’ve got in there looks good, I don’t care who’s kid it is – they’re getting punched, dude.
But honestly. Messed up or not messed up? Does this chick have perfect teeth? No open sores in her mouth? No cavities, no chance that there could be any kind of infection or bacteria or disease breeding in there? Damn. Because if so, she’s got a leg to stand on (unless she wants to chew that up and spit it out, too), even though … never mind. No she doesn’t. This is flat-out disgusting and I just cannot wait to hear what the general response is going to be to this. Is this supposed to be part of her “famed” Kind Diet?
So much for dinner.
March 27, 2012 at 3:30 pm by Sarah
Sarah linked you to this story last afternoon, but I feel the need to go more in depth with this. I feel the need to talk about my feelings. Is that ok?
Alicia Silverstone recently gave birth to that baby she’s been toting around, and not a moment too soon. It was a healthy baby boy, everyone’s happy – great story, right? But no. Alicia had to twist this happy little story to ridiculousness by naming her child Bear Blu. Do you love it?
Here was my thought process when I saw this: “Bear Blu. Bear in the Big Blue House. Bear in the Big Blue House was a stupid show. Blue’s Clues, now that was a quality show. With Steve hosting, of course, not the other guy. Man, I had such a crush on Steve when I was a kid.” Here’s where I’ll stop, because you don’t need to know my further thoughts on the host of Blue’s Clues, but you see where I’m going with this? I just think it would be nice if the first thought that came to mind when you introduce your baby to the world was something more like “aww, baby!” and less like “Nickelodeon had some quality children’s programming” or “wait, isn’t that a nationality, not a name?”