Today's Evil Beet Gossip

Would You Have a Hard Time Sucking the Blood Out of Your Dead Spouse’s Arm So You Could Make Them a Vampire?

I would. I mean, come on. It’d be all laughs and chucks from the time the heart monitor stopped beeping, because duh, what’s funnier than your blood-starved, emaciated wife dying on the table while giving birth to your half-breed vampire baby?

Of course I’m kidding. It wouldn’t be funny, but we’re not talking about real life here, we’re talking reel life on the set of Breaking Dawn Part 1. Which I haven’t seen yet, but only because every damned time I considered seeing it in theaters, it was like there was a constant presence of at least three hundred people all queued up at the ticket counter. Screaming girls at the movies are NOT MY THING. One time, I even went to go see the new, rebooted Nightmare on Elm Street with my brother, because my husband totally hates horror movies (even campy, stupid horror movies). Somehow all these kids ended up in the theater, and whenever anything remotely “scary” would happen, a trio of girls sitting three rows in front of us would scream bloody murder. Sometimes it was even delayed; like, Freddy’d biff someone and it’d take their adolescent brains a second to process it, so there’d be time when a full two seconds would elapse, and then you’d hear the squawking. I hated it so hard that, at one point (OK, about ten minutes into the movie), I whipped a handful of Buncha Crunch at the back of their heads as hard as I could possibly muster, and from then on, it shut them up.

You might think I’m a hypocritical bully, but I’m really not. I’m just an adult with a low tolerance for the same bullshit that I pulled at fourteen and fifteen years old and I like to make it known.

Anyway, back to the Breaking Dawn blooper – it’s pretty funny. It shows Robert Pattinson, covered in blood, trying to bite Kristen Stewart‘s arm, thus making her a vampire and saving both her and their unborn baby’s life. But he can’t do it. He dissolves into a fit of giggles for whatever reason, and the scene has to be reshot. Same with Taylor Lautner. He reports that he tries to later give CPR to Kristen Stewart’s character, and he’s got to wrap his entire mouth around the lower part of her face. And fails. Because that’d actually be kind of funny, too.

Ah these actors and their shenanigans. Just gotta love ’em, you know?

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  • Well.. that is what goth, satan worship, abuse of children, sacrifice, serial killers, rape and witches and bones on clothing and death worship is all about.. people take these morbid things lightly today.. but you can see in all our history.. death was sober and feared by most and they worried they would be taken by Satan, tormented forever, now we have a romantic gothic dead, werewolf, zombie, vampire couple with all the otherworldly drama romance trimmings.. Early persecuted heroines were often driven from their husbands’ homes by the persecutations of their mothers-in-law, whose motives are seldom delineated, and whose accusations are of the heroines’ having borne monstrous children, or committed infanticide, or practicing witchcraf.. and so on..