Today's Evil Beet Gossip
Robert Pattinson

Robert Pattinson got married in Vegas last year

laura adkins robert pattinson

Yes, that’s a purposely misleading headline. Robert Pattinson wasn’t even in Las Vegas last year most likely, but a cardboard cutout of him was, and one hardcore Twilight fan decided she was so in love with it that she’d marry it, and that’s exactly what she did. Laura Adkins is 25 and batshit crazy, but she doesn’t seem to think so. Her marriage is made in heaven and she couldn’t be happier.

From The Mirror:

She says: “We got hitched in Las Vegas last year and I’m sure we’re happier than most newlyweds. “People might think I’m crazy but my flat-pack R-Patz is the closest I’ll get to the real thing and he’s the one for me.

“For as long as I can remember I’ve been ­obsessed with romantic fairytale endings.”When I was a child, I watched the Disney ­versions of Snow White and The Seven Dwarfs and Cinderella until the tapes wore out.”

LOL, well, okay. Apparently when Twilight came out, Laura was feeling particularly disillusioned with dating since every guy she was with just disappointed her in some way. When she read the series, she became absolutely obsessed and was insistent that Edward Cullen – and by extension, Robert Pattinson – was the perfect man for her. Then she saw a 6 foot tall cardboard cut-out of him in a record shop and her world changed forever:

“Of course he was made from cardboard, but that didn’t matter to me. Suddenly I was taken over with an urge to have him.

“I grabbed his rigid torso and stuffed him under my arm before marching to the counter and handing over a $20 note.

“Then, cramming him into my car I headed back to my apartment where I ripped off his cellophane and stood him at the foot of my bed. For the rest of the night I couldn’t take my eyes off him.

“Then I started thinking – the guys I’d dated before had all been so hopeless, I might as well have been with a cardboard cut-out. So where was the shame in taking him out with me?”

HAHAHAHAH. But wait, it gets better! Laura started taking the cutout with her to restaurants and the movie theatre – anywhere, really. Her friends (yes, surprisingly she still had some left) thought she was nuts and one of them jokingly made the mistake of saying, “If you love him so much, why don’t you marry him?” So, uh… she did.

“I walked down the aisle in January in the white wedding dress I’ve always dreamt of. I held the reception at an art gallery and ordered champagne and a five-tier cake to share with my 50 guests.

“The day cost £2,000 but I didn’t care – I wanted to do it properly. We had our honeymoon in LA and I wanted us to climb up to the Hollywood sign together. I had to carry him, and we had to do it at night because he can’t be in the sun. But everyone makes sacrifices for the man they love, right?”

This is a joke, right? It has to be a joke. I refuse to believe that someone this mentally ill has not been sectioned and committed to a mental institution, where she so clearly belongs. Also, she doesn’t seem to know who she loves – Robert Pattinson or Edward Cullen. Edward is a vampire and can’t be in the sun, but Robert is a human (AND CARDBOARD ISN’T REAL) so… what gives? I don’t think I should think about this anymore or my brain will explode.
Lauren-Adkins-and-Robert-Pattinson-cutout

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Robert Pattinson’s sister auditioned for ‘The X Factor’

robert pattinson lizzy pattinson

The X Factor is still going in the UK (and it’s actually addictively watchable, unlike the US version that thankfully got shut down) and since we just kicked off about two weeks ago, we’re still in the audition phase of the process. On last night’s episode, a girl named Lizzy Pattinson sang for the judges and was actually pretty good. She hasn’t got some big belting voice, but she does have a lovely tone and kind of reminds me of the wonderful (and really sweet) Lissie, so I was a fan. Turns out, Lizzy is actually Robert Pattinson‘s sister!

What do you think of Lizzy? She did get through to boot camp, but who knows if she’ll make it any further? Robert is a bit of a closet music maker himself, so it must run in the family.

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Robert Pattinson’s new girlfriend is a bit unexpected

robert pattinson fka twigs

I know we’ve seen some strange couples as of late, but who would have ever thought that Robert Pattinson would hook up with FKA Twigs? If you’re not familiar with FKA Twigs, she’s an amazing artist out of the UK who does a lot of trip hop (if I can describe it that way) and is all-around amazing. She’s also the person Katy Perry clearly stole her recent hairstyle inspiration from.

From US Weekly:

“Tahliah thinks he is unbelievably handsome,” the source adds of the 26-year-old London-based artist, adding that the new duo met through mutual friends.

Tahliah has been generating buzz as of late, having just released her first album, LP1, earlier this year. Critics have acknowledged the emerging artist who also serves as her own music producer and video director.

Another source close to Kristen Stewart’s ex tells Us, “It’s early [on] but they’re having fun.”

Pattinson and Tahliah, who bonded over their love for music, were spotted leaving Bowery Hotel eatery Gemma last week.

Well, RPattz has always been into his ~indie music~ so I suppose in that sense, this isn’t the craziest pairing ever. He’s just so mainstream (whether he likes it or not) and it’s a bit shocking to see him with someone who is still essentially an up-and-comer. I wonder how long this will last!

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Robert Pattinson did the ice bucket challenge with a hose and a metal sauce pan

robert pattinson ice bucket challenge

Robert Pattinson seems to shun all forms of social media – and probably for good reason – so it was up to his unlikely friend Zac Efron to share the video below of Rob doing the ALS ice bucket challenge complete with hose and sauce pan. Keep it classy, Rob:


This is kind of the best celebrity ice bucket challenge yet, simply because it’s so unexpected. He’s so awkward. Also, he “couldn’t find a bucket”? And they’re dumping a pan of ice cubes on him, which are then already on the ground by the time he gets sprayed down with the hose? I don’t know what’s going on here, but it’s cracking me up.

Also, the fact that he nominated Marilyn Manson MADE MY DAY. Please let Marilyn Manson do this shit. For all of our sakes.

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Robert Pattinson knows he’s a “bullshit artist”

robert pattinson

Despite the fact that he’s most famous for his role in the Twilight franchise, I’ve always really liked Robert Pattinson and found him endearing. It’s both a blessing and a curse that he took on that role, because it allowed him to actually book further roles and make his career as an actor. Then again, he’s forever typecast as Edward “Sparkly Vampire” Cullen, and that’s not really a good thing. On the bright(er) side, at least he knows he’s a “bullshit artist”?

From The Guardian:

“I’m quite good at doing meetings,” he says. “If I’m just meeting someone about a job I’m like a dog, especially if my agent’s said to me: ‘A lot of people want this job.’ Then I’m like: ‘Oh yeah? Then I will do anything to get it!’” What’s his technique? “I don’t know, I just become a bullshit artist!” he laughs. “That’s when I start acting! I’m really much better at doing it when the cameras aren’t rolling …”

Well, that’s just like interviewing for any job, isn’t it? You have to bullshit – not because you aren’t really passionate about it (I mean, I guess in some cases you wouldn’t be) but because it’s hard to be effusively excited when you’re just trying to get a paycheck.

Anyway, I like Rob – I think his interviews are hilarious, even if a little lacklustre.

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Robert Pattinson on Kristen Stewart affair: “Shit happens!”

robert pattinson

Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart have been through some serious shit together over the past 5 years. First, they endured the entire Twilight franchise. If that wasn’t enough, they also began dating in real life, only for KStew to cheat on RPattz with her Snow White and the Huntsman director Rupert Sanders. It was an escandalo! of epic proportions and everywhere in the press, but Robert must have managed to forgive her, because they got back together several times after that, and may still be dating now, in fact.

Well, it turns out Rob isn’t all that bothered by infidelity, in the end. In fact, apparently he thinks that’s just what young people do?

From Esquire:

Like all things Twilight, the whole K-Stew / R-Patz saga was horribly overcooked. It’s not unusual for co-stars to date – they were both living and working in a strange bubble for many years, both of them under intense and obsessive scrutiny. And then it ended in betrayal.

“Shit happens, you know?” he laughs. “It’s just young people… it’s normal! And honestly, who gives a shit?”

Well, a lot of people, that’s what’s weird.

“The hardest part was talking about it afterwards. Because when you talk about other people, it affects them in ways you can’t predict,” he says. “It’s like that scene in Doubt [2008, in which Philip Seymour Hoffman plays a priest suspected of inappropriate behaviour], where he’s talking about how to take back gossip? They throw all those feathers from a pillow into the sky and you’ve got to go and collect all the feathers.”

RPattz has always been emo as shit, so I’m assuming he’s just trying to act like he doesn’t care so that he doesn’t come off as being too soft or bothered about the whole thing. Young or not, when you’re in love with someone and they’re unfaithful to you, I doubt you’d just shrug your shoulders and think, “Eh, shit happens!” I know there’s been a bit of time that’s passed since this was fresh, as well, it all just seems so flippant. Not that I expect him to pour his heart out to an international publication, but then why discuss it at all?

Obviously when you’re young, you’re much more careless in relationships and you do fuck up, perhaps repeatedly. I dunno, I just feel like that whole quote is weird as hell.

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