I would. I mean, come on. It’d be all laughs and chucks from the time the heart monitor stopped beeping, because duh, what’s funnier than your blood-starved, emaciated wife dying on the table while giving birth to your half-breed vampire baby?

Of course I’m kidding. It wouldn’t be funny, but we’re not talking about real life here, we’re talking reel life on the set of Breaking Dawn Part 1. Which I haven’t seen yet, but only because every damned time I considered seeing it in theaters, it was like there was a constant presence of at least three hundred people all queued up at the ticket counter. Screaming girls at the movies are NOT MY THING. One time, I even went to go see the new, rebooted Nightmare on Elm Street with my brother, because my husband totally hates horror movies (even campy, stupid horror movies). Somehow all these kids ended up in the theater, and whenever anything remotely “scary” would happen, a trio of girls sitting three rows in front of us would scream bloody murder. Sometimes it was even delayed; like, Freddy’d biff someone and it’d take their adolescent brains a second to process it, so there’d be time when a full two seconds would elapse, and then you’d hear the squawking. I hated it so hard that, at one point (OK, about ten minutes into the movie), I whipped a handful of Buncha Crunch at the back of their heads as hard as I could possibly muster, and from then on, it shut them up.

You might think I’m a hypocritical bully, but I’m really not. I’m just an adult with a low tolerance for the same bullshit that I pulled at fourteen and fifteen years old and I like to make it known.

Anyway, back to the Breaking Dawn blooper – it’s pretty funny. It shows Robert Pattinson, covered in blood, trying to bite Kristen Stewart‘s arm, thus making her a vampire and saving both her and their unborn baby’s life. But he can’t do it. He dissolves into a fit of giggles for whatever reason, and the scene has to be reshot. Same with Taylor Lautner. He reports that he tries to later give CPR to Kristen Stewart’s character, and he’s got to wrap his entire mouth around the lower part of her face. And fails. Because that’d actually be kind of funny, too.

Ah these actors and their shenanigans. Just gotta love ‘em, you know?

He’s still alright, though, I guess, yes? I mean, he’s not nearly as striking without coal-black eyes and cold, marble skin (and superhuman strength and glittery pecs), but I sure wouldn’t kick him out of bed or anything. And what has he been up to lately, you ask? Aside from shaving his head and eating all of Kristen Stewart’s food? Apparently taking Kristen out to eat, surprise surprise!

Friends at Hollywood Life say that their eyewitnesses dined just feet from Robert and Kristen, and when Robert wasn’t stuffing his face with desserts, he was stuffing Kristen’s face with desserts at The Soho House in LA:

“They acted like two teenagers in love. They both definitely had a sweet tooth; they ordered FOUR desserts between the two of them to split! They had the Persimmon Pudding with coffee ice cream, the Meyer Lemon Pie with blueberries, an order of homemade cookies, and the Peanut Butter Brittle. They are both just adorable — especially when Rob tried to feed Kristen a huge piece of the pie. They just laughed and really enjoyed each other’s company.”

Four desserts. FOUR. DESSERTS. Guys, that seriously explains so much. Here I was thinking that Rob was beefing up because he and Kristen have reached that contentment phase in their relationship where it’s completely OK to sit around and do nothing but stuff your face with things that’ll probably kill you in the end anyway and where the males develop that oh-so-attractive hips-are-bigger-than-my-bum look that we ladies (who shouldn’t talk anyway, as our backsides spread wider inch by inch, year by year, Paula Deen casserole by Paula Deen casserole) just adore, and it’s probably that, but it’s DEFINITELY the desserts, too. I love it.

I’m so glad to hear that these two are still together, because it gives me hope that there are some relatively normal couples left in Hollywood that are willing to just enjoy one another’s company over hot bowls of fresh, sugar-and-calorie-laden sweets.

And probably because I just re-read Twilight for whatever reason and their potent love story is still fresh in my mind. That too.

You guys, I almost totally forgot! The Entertainment Lawyer who scribes Crazy Days and Nights is finally “naming names,” as is his hallowed New Year’s Day tradition.

Emily hit on some of the year’s best, most salacious scandals, but you guys! THERE IS SO MUCH MORE.

- Now we know for sure: Lea Michele is starting to behave like a real diva.

- Chris Brown is kind of a dickwad—a “Don’t you know who I am?” kind of dickwad.

- Stars who hate each other: Rob Lowe and Amy Poehler, Evan Rachel Wood and Kate Winslet.

(more…)

The lady in the back seat of the car is Sarah Roemer, and she’s an actress most famous for a role in Disturbia. That, and she was also featured in Maxim.

Lately, there’ve been rumors of a break-up between Pattinson and Kristen Stewart, and these photos really only fuel the fire that’s been burning over the past few weeks. But do I believe it? Hm. I don’t know. I’m not really sure. I mean, a lot of people say that Kristen and Rob’s relationship is totally faked and totally staged and totally for the benefit of the Twilight films’ publicity, but I don’t really get that vibe. If that’s the case, come on. Was Ryan Gosling and Rachel McAdams’ relationship staged? Are you telling me that there’s no true love left in the world? If Bella Swan and Edward Cullen can’t make it without some average-looking twit blonde named Sarah coming between them, who can, I ask? WHO?

All I know is that in the looks department, Kristen’s got this bitch beat. Who’d you rather:

If watching this video of everyone’s favorite Twihard didn’t just make your day, then … well, I guess you had a really awful day. And for that, I’m sorry.

But in a further attempt to cheer you up, here’s the same beautiful fan sharing her reaction after seeing Breaking Dawn:

If this is true, then I can’t. I just can’t. I can’t believe in true love, I can’t even believe in happiness. I can’t even believe in myself. Without the love of R-Patz and K-Stew in the world, then what will become of us all?

Before I get myself too worked up again, here’s the story from the National Enquirer:

“Just two days after the couple was inducted into Hollywood’s legendary Grauman’s Chinese Theatre, Robert – who’d been having second thoughts about their relationship – hit Kristen with the news that he’s ending it. They kept on smiling at the Los Angeles premiere but Robert was an emotional wreck – and so was Kristen, who never saw the breakup coming. Explaining his reasoning, Rob told Kristen he adores her, but feels that their romance blossomed only because they’d been thrown together as on-screen lovers for nearly four years. Rob felt it was time to explore other relationships and move on.”

Even though Kristen’s devastated, the source added, she knows they’ve got to put on happy faces to promote “Breaking Dawn” – and the sequel next year.

I refuse to believe that this is true. One, because if it is true, then I would be so utterly devastated, and two, Robert would never break up with Kristen. He’s too much of a sensitive little flower to do that. No, if these two were to break up in reality, it would be all Kristen, and it would be so, so heartbreaking.

What do you guys think: are these guys still the picture of true romance or what?