Taylor “Llama” Lautner is 21 and dull as hell and is dating a 27-year-old Greek-Canadian actress, Marie Avgeropoulos.
And that’s why we call him Taylor “Llama” Lautner.
According to USA Today, The Daily News, and The Daily Mail, the co-stars are more than co-stars as they were seen, “holding hands, snuggling, [and taking] the ritual selfie.” I can’t find this selfie, but I did find many, many pictures Taylor posted of himself, mostly publicity photos, on his Instagram. Cringe central.
Listen, Ms. Avgeropoulos, I don’t know you and I don’t know Taylor Lautner, but I know this is a bad idea. You do NOT want to date a 21-year-old when you’re in your late 20′s. You are at two totally different places in your lives. It’s almost as bad as this relationship. Keep it to light fooling around, but maybe not even bother with that.
Oh hey, I just found the taking of the selfie:
Shit’s getting serious.
1. Natalie Portman: Returns $42.70 for every $1 paid.
2. Kristen Stewart: Returns $40.60 for every $1 paid.
3. Shia LaBeouf: Returns $35.80 for every $1 paid.
4. Robert Pattinson: Returns $31.70 for every $1 paid.
5. Daniel Radcliffe: Returns $30.50 for every $1 paid.
6. Taylor Lautner: Returns $29.50 for every $1 paid.
7. Bradley Cooper: Returns $25.00 for every $1 paid.
8. Dwayne Johnson: Returns $22.70 for every $1 paid.
9. Amy Adams: Returns $22.60 for every $1 paid.
10. Kevin James: Returns $22.70 for every $1 paid.
To be honest, I’ve never been involved in any of those situations [cheating], so I don’t know [if trust can be regained]. It would be just a guess and a shot in the dark, and I don’t want to give that if I haven’t even been there myself. [But] I absolutely think it’s possible [to fix the relationship]. It depends on how long you were with that person. If it was a long, serious relationship, I think it’s quite easy to rekindle. I guess it depends on what damage has been done. There’s no ex out there who I’m not friends with today, and I’m extremely thankful for that. Honesty and loyalty are key. If two people can be honest with each other about everything, that’s probably the biggest key to success. I like to think of myself as very loyal, and I love everyone I surround myself with, whether they’re friends or girlfriends or whatever. I love loyal people. [And] Kristen in fantastic at everything she does. I’m always proud of her.
—Taylor Lautner talking to Cosmopolitan, which, funnily enough, ex-girlfriend Taylor Swift took the cover the very same month.
So right. I’m not even all that interested in what he has to say about Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattinson, because come on. Clearly Taylor’s just trying to slice himself up a piece of the publicity pie that Kristen baked for Rupert Sanders’ teeny penis, and everyone’s really just interested in finding out whether or not Taylor Squared is banging again. I mean, you read that bit about being friendly with all exes, right? It’s happening, totally.