Today's Evil Beet Gossip

Cameron Diaz Describes The Importance of Dry Humping

A photo of Cameron Diaz

“One should dry-hump as much as possible. It leads to great things. I’d prescribe at least once per day. What’s also nice about dry humping is that it can happen anywhere.”

I don’t know if I agree with Cameron on the magnitude of dry humping.  Maybe that’s because I was a total prude until, like, a year ago, and I had a few traumatic run-ins with the infamous dry hump in those pivotal years prior.  Since I feel like this is such a safe place, I’m going to go ahead and open this post up as a forum for discussing dry humping.  Here, I’ll start.

– I had my very first boyfriend when I was 16, and since he made a promise to Jesus, the only thing we could do was make out and dry hump.  That might have been ok, but he was really awkward about it and just sort of floundered around and it always only lasted about five minutes before he suddenly had to excuse himself to the bathroom.  Oh, and he also turned out to be my cousin.

– When I was 18, my new boyfriend (who I was not related to) decided to pull the dry hump card, but I was such a prude with a limited amount of experience, I had no idea what he was doing.  “To what end?” I asked myself as he went about his business.  Finally, I asked him what he was doing, and he felt like the biggest creeper to ever creep.  We broke up a couple weeks after that.

– A few months after that, I found myself nestled in a twin bed with my unwaveringly gay male friend and my questioningly bisexual male friend.  Have you ever tried to share a twin bed with two other people?  Add dry humping into that, and it’s a disaster waiting to happen.

So really, I don’t know – is dry humping really so great, or is it only great when you get to dry hump people like Matthew Morrison and Justin Timberlake?  Let’s get this conversation started, guys, I think we can get some valuable discussion going.

5 CommentsLeave a comment

  • The only time that I have ever found myself dry humping was by myself because I never went though a “prude” phase to speak of where I couldn’t engage in sexual activity that involved either me or my partner keeping our clothes on. But I think it could definitely add to the collective pleasure of certain sexual experiences if you wanted to “get started”. Which isn’t to say that I am not sympathetic to the notion of “saving” oneself for the right person or just enjoying dry humping as the main form of ones sexual pleasure. I can just say first hand that it takes a lot more for me to reach climax than by just dry humping alone. But who knows, maybe I will meet the right person to change my mind about that. (Probably not ever going to be the case though because it’s hard to beat direct physical contact once you’ve tried it).

  • Yeah… I also never went through the prude stage and wouldn’t endorse dry-humping as all that terribly important, with the following caveats: 1) you and partner are at your parents house
    2) you and partner are at significant risk of being interrupted
    3) you and partner have literally less than 5 minutes before you have to be somewhere else

    In one of these situations (or a combination), fine, but otherwise dry humping is is like having one bite of a really good dinner — disappointing.

  • Your cousin?!? LOL. You poor, poor girl. You definitely need to tell us the whole story.

    • I did community theatre in high school, and so did my boyfriend/cousin and his family (my family? I don’t know). He became my boyfriend, then he broke up, but I’m still pretty tight with that whole family, the parents and the kids.

      A couple of months ago, my aunt called me to ask if I knew that family. I said I did, and she responded with “well, they’re your family too!” Apparently my grandmother and my boyfriend’s grandmother were first cousins, and my aunt met that part of the family when their grandmother died and she took my grandmother to the funeral. Does that make sense? Basically we’re third cousins, which is less creepy kind of.

      Also, I love the email address that you put for this comment. So much.