Today's Evil Beet Gossip

Check Out What Russell Brand Has to Say About Having Kids

A photo of Russell Brand and Katy Perry

Man, Russell Brand sure is in love with that Katy Perry, huh? You can tell because he never talks about anything else.  Well, in this little interview, he manages to stop with all his love claptrap and focus in on Katy’s uterus, or more specifically, the poor handful of humans who will soon be expelled from Katy’s uterus:

“I love children. I am very much looking forward to becoming a dad. Who knows when? Soon I hope. I really love children. I think when I’m among children is when I feel most liberated.”

“I go nuts with children. When I’m around my friends’ children, I jazz them kids up, I swear at them, I get them all worked up, I say crazy stuff to them. I fill their heads with nonsense and then leave them.”

“I secretly want to [move back to England]. I have a fear of hearing my American children speak to me in American accents.”

I was on Russell’s side, I really was.  I thought he was going to keep his life turned around and become such a strong, beautiful husband and father.  But those people who come in when you have a kid and get them bouncing off the walls and then peace out? Fuck those people.  I’m taking back a sliver of my love, Russell.  Pull it together.

3 CommentsLeave a comment

  • I totally feel that last comment. I’m an expat living in England and fear having English children.

  • My friend who would wind my kids up and leave? I cannot wait for him to have children of his own so I can repay that favor. When my son was a toddler, this friend got him a toy that was essentially a megaphone with a voice changer. I’m planning to give his future child drums for his or her 3rd birthday. I’ll be Russell Brand has someone like me just waiting.