I can’t even deal with this anymore. Katy Perry‘s fashion choices are just too awful to deal with. The dark, pseudo-gothic dresses, the dark lipstick … it’s too much. I really think that this whole phase will end up being the worst thing she’s ever done. She could go on to rob banks and steal lollipops from small children, or she could buy an island somewhere and start a horrible dictatorship, and I’d still be like “yeeeeah, but remember that ‘dark’ period?”

But it looks like she might have another reason for looking so dark and gloomy. You know how she was dating the guitarist from Florence and the Machine? Yeah, that’s not happening anymore:

Katy Perry is back on the market — again.

The 27-year-old singer has split from Florence + the Machine guitarist, Robert Ackroyd. The pair started dating about a month ago when they were photographed kissing at Coachella Music Festival.

“It wasn’t that serious,” a source tells Us Weekly of Perry’s relationship with Ackroyd. “It’s not a nasty thing and they are still talking, but Katy told him to do his thing and they’ll talk soon.”

“No hard feelings,” another source explains to Us. “She’s really busy and so is he.”

I hope that Katy really isn’t hurt by the breakup, but of course it’s not a total surprise. I know that if I was a dude and I found myself hooking up with Katy Perry, I’d be incredibly upset about getting all this somber nonsense, with nary a whipped cream-shooting boob in sight. But instead of going on again about how irritating all of this is, I’ll just share a picture of my kitten after he saw Katy’s latest ensemble:

I feel like his exasperation speaks for us all.

There were a hundred, but we’re just going to talk about the Top 5, because that’s always the most important part of the list, when you’re “ranking” people, right? The higher echelon? Because the rest of the list wasn’t all that impressive (really, Maxim? You really felt the need to put J Woww at slot number 74, higher than Christina Hendricks and Kat Dennings? Because come on), we’re going to feature the top five, and if you really feel the compulsion to find out who the other 95 women were, you can mosey on over to Maxim‘s site and check them out there. I don’t even know who some of the women were.

Ahem.

#5 – Olivia Wilde

#4 – Katy Perry

#3 – Mila Kunis

#2 – Olivia Munn

#1 – Bar Refaeli

First, who made this list? A fifteen-year-old boy? Second, is said list from 2009, because I can think of a zillion other hot chicks that should be in the Top 5 list for 2012, and not one of these ladies (hot as they are) should be in the top 5. Third? The “world’s most beautiful women”? I know lots of people go crazy for Katy Perry and her fabulous rack, but I thought “most beautiful” generally meant “faces,” and not “bodies.” I don’t know.

Who belongs? Who doesn’t? Who thinks that the staff should be flogged with a herpe-infused cat o’nine tails for even including J Woww on the damn list?

Is Katy Perry particularly fond of doing those lyric videos upon the release of a new single, or is this something that’s becoming popular all around? Likewise, is being kind of passive aggressive through song a new trend, or is that just Katy’s way too?

Really, this is just a shame. Russell Brand has never said a bad word about Katy Perry, publicly, anyway. In fact, he has kind, lovely words to say about her. Katy, meanwhile, has apparently started releasing songs describing her failed marriage. First, she released “Part of Me,” a song with such pointed lyrics as “you can keep the diamond ring, it don’t mean nothing anyway,” and now she has this new single, “Wide Awake,” which really takes things a little too far. I thought “Part of Me” was kind of childish, but whatever, I figured she just needed to get it out of her system, but this new song? “I am born again out of the lion’s den. I don’t have to pretend, and it’s too late, the story’s over now, the end.” Ugh. And she paired the lyrics with Facebook updates from the past couple of years, documenting her success? Cool move, Katy.

Also, to me, Katy Perry’s music is always pretty dumb, but always maddeningly catchy. This isn’t even catchy. If I can’t count on Katy Perry to release songs that make my hate myself for secretly enjoying, then what is the world coming to?

Really though, who was it? Because whoever it was is not a good friend. Whoever called the entire guest list of the Billboard Music Awards and said “hey, just wanted to let you know to be sure to have awful hair, horrible makeup, and/or a really bad dress! Love you, girl!” has a dark, mischievous spirit and needs to be held accountable for all of this.

There was Miley Cyrus, obviously, and her ensemble. Sarah showed you her choices just a little while ago, but you know I can’t just let that be the end of it. Look at that hair, you guys. I know Miley’s a Southern girl, so she was ingrained with that meaningful mantra, “the higher the hair, the closer to God,” but this isn’t the Dixie Stampede or the Grand Ole Opry, and you shouldn’t use your hair to fool yourself.

Then there was Natasha Beddingfield. Girl.

And Justin Bieber wore a wallet chain and two earrings:

But then Katy Perry trumped them all with this mess:

She’s wearing that tragic makeup again, as you can see. And her dress … I don’t even know what to say. Her dress looks like something I would have loved for my Barbies to have worn in 1994. Her dress looks like it would go great with a classic pair of jellies. Which is all to say that her dress looks silly but fun, I suppose. Meanwhile, her makeup …

It’s just not a good situation.

From Us Weekly:

She was the one that got away.

Russell Brand and Katy Perry seemingly didn’t have the most amicable divorce. The British comic, 36, surprised the “Firework” singer, 27, by filing for divorce after just 14 months of marriage Dec. 30 and then proceeded to have a series of flings with other women shortly thereafter.

But Brand had nothing but affectionate praise for his ex speaking with Ellen DeGeneres on a Thursday appearance on Ellen.

“I still love her as a human being,” Brand said. “But, sometimes when you’re in a relationship I suppose it doesn’t work out, does it? But that doesn’t mean I regret it or anything.”

Perry has since rebounded with Florence + The Machine guitarist Robert Ackroyd, with whom she was spotted packing on the PDA at the Coachella Festival.

“I was very happy to be married with her,” Brand continued. “She’s such a beautiful human being and I just have only love and positivity for her.”

Reflecting on the bitter split, Brand said, “You can’t absolutely make everything the way you want it to be in life. Sometimes thing are just different and then you to just move with that and try and remain in contact with what is beautiful about yourself and each other with any situation.”

He called Perry “a person I still consider to be beautiful . . . I have nothing but positivity for her.”

Still, late last week, Brand finally decided to unfollow his ex on Twitter.

And this is why I like Russell Brand so much more than Katy Perry. This seems like such a thoughtful, mature response, and I love that. Katy Perry, meanwhile, has chosen to react to the divorce through her dark, dark fashion and her gift of song, dedicating such powerful messages to Russell as “this is the part of me that you’re* never gonna ever take away from me (no).” For whatever reason, I don’t think that’s as classy.

*You guys, I’m so tired that I had to stop and think about where the apostrophe key was on my keyboard. I looked, even, and I couldn’t find it. I was like “I’ll just go back a few words and my fingers will go there automatically, but even that didn’t happen. I finally worked it out, but thank goodness I have a proofreader:

For the past couple of months, Katy Perry has been working pretty hard to change her image. She gave an interview where she stated that things were “about to get real f-cking dark,” and a few days after that she showed up at an event in leather boots, a leather jacket, dark makeup, and a bad attitude. Throughout March and April, she wore a mean ol’ scowl everywhere she went, and she even changed her blue hair to a way more sinister shade of purple. She made it clear that yes, things were getting real f-cking dark.

But now it’s May, and I suspect the transformation is complete. Here’s another picture of Katy from last night:

Oh wow, Katy, you look so dark and mysterious! Maybe we can go get coffee sometime – not at Starbucks though, because that’s so mainstream – and I can read through your poetry, and then we can discuss how hard it is to live in the world when no one understands you. I would say that it would be a really cool experience, but I don’t want to offend you. I know that nothing’s cool when you have such a blazing fire burning inside your heart.

And just because it’s Friday, here’s a bonus picture of Katy staring off into the distance as she tries to articulate what On the Road meant to her:

What do you think of Katy’s new look?