I’m going to be real right quick: I kind of hate Katy Perry, so whenever I hear anything about her divorce from Russell Brand, I automatically go into the mindset of “ugh, Katy Perry, what a bitch.” I can’t help it. In my eyes, Russell is a darling angel and Katy Perry is the devil. Do you hear me? She is the devil. So when you read this report about how Katy and Russell broke up because of Katy’s involvement with cocaine, I want you to make your own decisions, because I can’t be impartial here.

From Star via Celebitchy:

Russell Brand may be the recovering addict, but it’s Katy Perry’s exposure to hard drugs and all-night partying that doomed their marriage. Amid reports of cheating, fighting and a fading romance, Star has discovered the shocking reason that [the couple] split a little more than a year after their wedding in India.

Russell, a recovering drug addict, “hit the roof,” says a source, when he found out exactly what was going on in Hawaii. “Katy runs with a really wild crowd,” an insider tells Star. Some of her acquaintances love to do cocaine. “They will party all night till the sun comes up, doing line after line of coke.”

According to pals, Russell felt he had no choice but to instruct his lawyers to put a swift end to the marriage. “How is Russell supposed to feel when he hears that his wife is out till all hours of the night,” says the insider. “He can only assume the worst.” And even though the singer wasn’t doing drugs herself, the source feels it showed really bad judgment. “Ruseell was a truly horrible addict. It’s a day-by-day struggle for him to stay sober and walk the right path now,” says the insider. “He’s really turned his life around, and he couldn’t let it be destroyed.”

Katy appears to have had a long and complicated history with drugs. Although her parents [are] strict evangelical Christians, she revealed in 2009 that even they weren’t always on the straight and narrow. In fact her mom was, in Katy’s words, a “wild child rock ‘n’ roller, pot-smoking debutante,” and her dad was an “acid dealer with long hair.”

There’s no doubt that Katy was exposed to it all, even then. Her Gym Class Heroes singer ex, Travie McCoy, acknowledged his own addiciton and blogged about being in rehab. And a source claims he was a really bad influence on her. “Katy was really struggling when she was with him.” But “she promised her dad she would stay clean.”

According to another insider, Russell saw changes in his wife over the past year. “She went from this sweet, adorable woman that he was madly in love with” to a needy person who surrounded herself with hangers-on who were using her, says an insider. And her behavior was getting increasingly erratic. “She’d throw back tequila shots, chain smoke… and have mood swings. He gave her an ultimatum: ‘Get rid of your hard-partying friends or lose me forever!’” It looks as if Katy made her choice.

This is exactly what I said, remember? Way back when I told you guys all about how Katy and Russell didn’t spend Christmas together, I said that Katy was being immature, selfish, and ridiculous with all the crazy partying while her husband is actively working on maintaining sobriety. And that’s why I have absolutely no trouble believing this story. From Star.

What do you guys think? If Katy was partying with cokeheads all the time, would that be a reasonable dealbreaker?

“Quite well, thank you. Are you asking because of recent events? You are making the mistake of seeing time as linear. The brilliant American author Kurt Vonnegut, he’ll tell you that if you imagine reality as experienced simultaneously, events become redundant.”

This is what Russell Brand had to say when he was asked how he was doing this past weekend.

You know, something about a lot of European folks: they’ve still got some manners left after all these years. And that’s not to say that Americans don’t, because that’s just not generally true, but if an American actor (even an American actor like the revered Ryan Gosling) said something like this in response to a paparazzi’s question, they’d be considered pretentious, vague, and annoying. When it comes from the mouth of someone with a refined accent (and not a chewy US East Coast accent), it’s seen as so much more tolerable. Seriously, as much as I’m not a huge Russell Brand fan, he’s looking better and better as the days go by.

Like I said last week.

And the week before, too.

Also, I love that he’s been educated enough to have read Kurt Vonnegut and is able to correlate ideas from literature and apply their basis in day-to-day events. I mean, that kind of stuff’s probably way over Katy Perry’s reading level. I’ll bet she stopped at Are You There God, It’s Me, Margaret or at the very least, Twilight.

Lastly, Evil Beet’s now on Pinterest! If you don’t know what it is, it’s kind of like Facebook, just without all of the annoying people who feel the need to update you on every bodily function that they engage in or do their best in trying offend everyone with their weirdo BS and only end up being looked at with piteous contempt. There’s also more cool stuff to look at than just I CAN HAS CHEEZBURGER. And since it’s sort of all about sharing cool stuff, we thought, ‘Hey, why not. If we’re going to do this thing, we may as well do it right,’ huh?

Check us out and if you’re not already hooked up, request an invite straight through Pinterest and get on the cool kid bus.

So, as the headline reads, Russell Brand was even cluing in those caught in the skinfolds of entertainment that he was getting ready to gear up and cheat with other American sorority wimminz. If you can’t view the video for whatever reason, here’s really the only thing you need to know:

“I am going to meet people from sororities and fraternities. I don’t know what a sorority is except for what I have seen on Nudevista – that they are sort of sex clubs for women. A week of revolution and, more importantly, I am going to learn first-hand about sororities. [Brand takes wedding ring off] I’m just going to place this somewhere very, very safe for the next week.”

The video was posted on Nudevista, which is a porn site that caters to … well, I don’t know. Here’s my most generic of generic answers: People who look at porn. I was kind of afraid to visit the site, to be honest with you, after hearing that Russell himself had a weird sex fetish involving handicapped men in wheelchairs. Sorry, but that’s not stuff that I want to take the chance of possibly encountering, you know?

So, right. Katy Perry‘s estranged husband, a “reformed” sex addict, was chilling out on porno sites and possibly planning to embark on a US tour of American coed puss. She definitely chose a winner, there. The best thing about all this? Rumor has it that Katy’s traveled to the UK to persuade Russell to give their relationship another go.

But if Brand really did take a tour of the country’s best, would you still want him back? Wait, let’s scratch that from the record. Katy took Russell’s hand in marriage despite this kind of stuff. Maybe we’ll see a special appearance from Katy Perry on Nudevista sometime soon, too – just not for the reasons you might think.

I have already gone on and on about how sad the Katy Perry/Russell Brand split is. It is so depressing.

This bears repeating, though: I think the couple is crazy-in-love with each other. Whatever ongoing fight they are in is so stupid.

But this? This is so much worse. The UK Mirror has the deets:

In a bizarre twist of events [Russell Brand,] the Brit comic, 36, has been mysteriously uninvited from a star-studded awards show to avoid a confrontation with estranged wife Katy.

Katy, 27, is collecting a gong for her hit album, singles and tour at the People’s Choice Awards in LA on January 11 where she’s up for seven awards, including Favourite Female Artist.

It will be her first official job since Russ filed for divorce after just 14 months together and both her and Russell had initially been invited.

A source said: “It will be Katy’s big night, a prelude to the Grammys, and now Russell has been strangely left off the list of attendees for the high-profile event.

“It was always going to be awkward for organisers in any case after their shock decision to split. But in order to avoid any awkwardness or confrontation Russ is no longer on the list.”

This. Is. So Awkward. Seriously. This whole thing used to be depressing; now, on top of being depressing, it is awkward! This has become high school crap. What is even going on, here?

I mean, how is disinviting somebody’s still-husband less awkward than simply letting the two people organically run into each other? People, am I wrong?

Obviously, this marriage was doomed right from the start. And all of these “reasons” that the two are splitting? I’m willing, at this point, to bet that they’re ALL right.

From Us Magazine via Hollywood Life:

“Katy was kinky enough during their first times together and he was very attracted to her,” a source says. “When things got bad, if they got a roll in the hay, they were always better after.” But the source goes on to say that despite Katy’s attempts to keep the spark alive in the bedroom by scheduling monthly date nights at swanky hotels, it was “never enough.”

Russell’s sexually fetishes were also reportedly hard for Katy to keep up with. “He likes dirty things,” the source says. “He really gets off on one particular porno with a guy in a wheelchair. He’s attracted to things he can’t imagine happening to him.” Adding that Russell had a closet full of sex toys.

Well hell. You marry a sex addict and you’re, what, surprised that it doesn’t work out in the bedroom after the novelty wore off? Good Lord! If these guys hadn’t split up as soon as they did, I’d have given it another six months before we had another Tiger Woods-like scandal on our hands, complete with seedy porn stars and toothless prostitutes.

Here’re some quotes from Russell’s sex addict “past”:

“To this day, I feel a fierce warmth for women that have the same disregard for the social conventions of sexual protocol as I do. I love it when I meet a woman and her sexuality is dancing across her face, so it’s apparent that all we need to do is nod and find a cupboard.”

“I like threesomes with two women, not because I’m a cynical sexual predator. Oh no! But because I’m a romantic. I’m looking for “The One.” And I’ll find her more quickly if I audition two at a time.”

“I can’t believe I used to have sex 20 times a week, especially now I’m married. My peak was probably five a day. It was a bit much. I was always respectful though.”

They say a leopard doesn’t change its spots and all of that business, you know. Still surprised, Katy?

I have to tell you guys: I have never been so depressed over a celebrity uncoupling as I have been over Katy Perry and Russell Brand‘s pending divorce. Like, I was pretty sad when Lisa Loeb and Dweezil Zappa broke up, pretty sad about the Tim Robbins/Susan Sarandon split, and pretty sad about Thurston Moore and Kim Gordon filing for divorce—that last one coincided with my own breakup, so it was very yikes, is there no true love? Is there no hope for the rest of us?

The erstwhile couple spent the holidays apart after a huge spat, as we all know; Russell Brand filed the paperwork on December 30. So how did Katy and Russell each spend New Year’s Eve?

Katy spent New Year’s looking chipper at a party in West Hollywood (she was “in a great mood,” according to the New York Post). Evidently, Mrs. Brand spent most of the party chatting and dancing with a “long-haired man” who, according to reports, was a “dead-ringer” for her husband. Oh, dear.

And how did Russell spend New Year’s Eve? Was he with some busty blonde supermodel? Perhaps he partied with some tattooed female rock stars?

Nope.

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