Today's Evil Beet Gossip

Guess the Celebrity: Rocker Offspring Edition

photo of bon jovi son pictures Here's three hints to get you started--- ---The kid's father has, surprisingly, never been to rehab though most of his peers have been ---The kid's parents have been married for an astounding ---The kid's father is an original Jersey boy ---The kid never overdosed, unlike one of his siblings Jump in to see who the kid belongs to! Read More...

Kelly Clarkson’s Getting Married!

photo of kelly clarkson engaged pictures It finally happened! Kelly Clarkson is engaged to her boyfriend of almost a year, Brandon Blackstock. From Kelly's Twitter: I'M ENGAGED!!!!! I wanted y'all to know!! Happiest night of my life last night! I am so lucky and am with the greatest man ever :) Jump in for the ring, which is one of the most beautiful rings I've seen in life: Read More...

Quotables: Amanda Seyfried Defends the Honor of Anne Hathaway’s Crotch

photo of anne and amanda pictures I'm a fan of underwear only because it keeps me warm. ---What Amanda said in response to a TMZ cameraman's question on what she thought about 'Les Miserables' co-star Anne Hathaway's upskirt photo. Amanda more or less told us why she, herself, wears underwear, and why her reason might just be Anne's reason because duh, how uncomfortable to be asked about another woman's vaginal habits. You wouldn't make any sense, either. ...

Flashback: Let’s Just Take a Quick Listen to ‘Lohan Holiday’, OK?

Oh my God, guys, I can't even. I seriously can't stop laughing. I don't know what's worse---Ali Lohan (who does the majority of the singing on the track) trying to to sound like a lost Bone Thug, Lindsay doing the echoes, runs, and harmonies, or the lyrics themselves. Can't bring yourself to actually listen to this song? Here's the lyrics so you can at least have some idea about what I'm busting a gut over:
Let me take you on a Lohan holiday A winter wonderland that's oh so far away Don't have to go no where - just let your mind escape Come on a journey to this Lohan holiday Imagine if you can - a magical Christmas land fictional journey - a vision so real A place everybody smiles - wont you come for a while Lets go in a hurry - come with me you'll see Imaginations all you really need (lohan holiday) Let me take you on a Lohan holiday A winter wonderland that's oh so far away Don't have to go no where - just let your mind escape Come on a journey to this Lohan holiday Such a magical ride - so come on jump inside A great destination for everyone to see The wonders in the air can't wait to see you there Magical moments that you have only dreamed All you have to do is just believe (lohan holiday) Let me take you on a Lohan holiday A winter wonderland that's oh so far away Don't have to go no where - just let your mind escape Come on a journey to this Lohan holiday A Christmas fantasy that's meant for you and me Where everything you'll ever want is for free just believe (take you there) Let me take you on a Lohan holiday A winter wonderland that's oh so far away Don't have to go no where - just let your mind escape Come on a journey to this Lohan holiday Come let me take you on a Lohan holiday A winter wonderland that's oh so far away Don't have to go no where - just let your mind escape I can take you so far away
See, now, I'm picturing all of this snow everywhere, and I don't think it's an accident. I think it's all actually a metaphor for cocaine, because really, what does the Lohan family do super good? They do cocaine super good, friends, and what makes for a whiter Christmas than coke-blown landscapes and good old-fashioned family dysfunction? Nothing, I tell you---not a thing. Merry Christmas from the Lohans. Yeah, it was a sentiment from 2006, but I like to think that some things just don't change all that much (probably because they don't). /> Oh my God, guys, I can't even. I seriously can't stop laughing. I don't know what's worse---Ali Lohan (who does the majority of the singing on the track) trying to to sound like a lost Bone Thug, Lindsay doing the echoes, runs, and harmonies, or the lyrics themselves. Can't bring yourself to actually listen to this song? Here's the lyrics so you can at least have some idea about what I'm busting a gut over: Let me take you on a Lohan holiday A winter wonderland that's oh so far away Don't h...

Love It or Leave It: Ke$ha’s Tribal Look

photo of ke$ha pictures tribal photo shoot pic It's good. I like it. But damn, guys. Ke$ha's one of those chicks who you can never really tell whether or not she's totally hot or totally trying too hard, but the more I hear about Ke$ha, the more I ... wait, did you guys actually think I was going to say "the more I like her music"? Because gosh, hell no. Ke$ha's music is complete crap, but she just might be a delightful lady to hang out and drink chai tea or something with. "The more I think like her" is what I was actually going to say. ...

Mary-Kate Olsen Was Kissing Olivier Sarkozy’s Neck at a Basketball Game

photo of olivier sarkozy and mary-kate olsen pictures If you've ever wondered what Mary-Kate Olsen was like outside of designing pill bags and killing Heath Ledger (yeah, I know, old news, that is, wearing it out and all that), this is it. This is what Mary-Kate does in all of her spare time---kiss men who could be her father at basketball games. Honestly, I'm not even sure she goes anywhere other than those damn basketball games, and judging by the ever-tousled state of her hair, she definitely doesn't go anywhere near places that have a brush. Isn't love so cut...

Lindsay’s Lips are on the Verge of Exploding

photo of lindsay lohan lips party pictures But it's OK, really, because Lindsay's wearing that mad sweet eye makeup that tries to detract from the fact that her pupils don't even exist anymore, so who's really paying any attention to her lips whatsoever? Truth be told, I am. It looks like they're bursting at the seams. It looks like there's even a part cracking and flaking off up near the corner of her mouth. Truth be told, it looks like Lindsay's got shit on her lip that's got shit on its lip. But alas, this is Lindsay Lohan today...

But What’s That in Your Pants, Justin Bieber?

photo of justin bieber erection balls penis pictures This is Justin Bieber performing at the Jingle Bell Ball, and since pretty much everything has been about junk lately (i.e., the Bell Ball, Justin's balls being removed), I figured it was probably appropriate to go ahead and post this here photo, which appears to showcase a item protruding from somewhere in in the region of Justin Bieber's alleged genitals. Honestly speaking, I don't know what it is and neither do you. So let's just go ahead and pretend it's a big, giant (OK, average-ish) erection, because that's just going to make watching him perform so much better....

thePMlinks

photo of jessica simpson pictures "Shower curtain" might be a little harsh. [The Superficial] Jessica Simpson will be getting married in Hawaii soon. [Cele|bitchy] That's funny, I actually heard 'The Hobbit' quite sucked. [Starpulse] 10 Best Holiday Fudge Recipes. [The Frisky] The hospital might be to blame for the British nurse's suicide. [TMZ] Matt Damon goes nude and gay. [Socialite Life] Paul McCartney fronted Nirvana with Dave Grohl. [The Blemish] Shirtless Friday. [theBERRY] Consequence that Lindsay Lohan might actually face, maybe. [Celebslam] Luke has a magic sack. [OMGBlog] ...

Crayons for Mommy, by Nick DeMarco

It was a cold morning But I was still waiting for snow My mommy woke me up this morning Made me breakfast Even made me my favorite Hot chocolate With marshmallows on top. The ride to school was fun Mommy playing my favorite songs on the radio I love Christmas songs Especially the ones about Baby Jesus I love Baby Jesus With a kiss and a big hug (My mom always gives me the best hugs) I headed off to school But not before she told me I love you And that when I got home I had crayons to put away I always leave them around the house Someone new is here today Some man I have never seen before With a funny jacket I didn't say hi to him Because mommy told me never to talk to strangers It feels warm now I see a different man He's dressed all in white Like that guy from the movie my dad took me to see He reaches out for me I'm crying I miss my mommy But he wraps me in a hug just like she does I cry all down his robe He takes me away to this beautiful place One with fluffy clouds and a golden palace It's so beautiful here But I can't help but wonder Why can't I go home To put away my crayons? He calls me his child And shows me what is happening And for the first time ever I realize This man reminds me of Baby Jesus The same one from those songs I love And we're crying, together. From the clouds he shows me my mommy and daddy He shows me my brother He shows me the whole world Crying for us All 18 of us This man, who calls himself God Tells me not to worry about the crayons That mommy likes them just the way they are And that I can go see her Whenever I want. Why do I feel warm in my stomach? I ask this man called God And with a smile He takes my hand Kisses it And says "That was me, warming your heart, little one." "That was me, taking you home, and making you even more special than you are to your mommy." I miss you mommy But it's so nice here I hope some day this message meets you As you sit at home Looking at all my pictures I promise one day I'll pick up my crayons But until then, this wonderful man knows what he's talking about When he says you like them there. This poem was written by my wonderfully talented friend, Nick DeMarco. You can reach him on Facebook if you'd like. />It was a cold morning But I was still waiting for snow My mommy woke me up this morning Made me breakfast Even made me my favorite Hot chocolate With marshmallows on top. The ride to school was fun Mommy playing my favorite songs on the radio I love Christmas songs Especially the ones about Baby Jesus I love Baby Jesus With a kiss and a big hug (My mom always gives me the best hugs) I headed off to school But not before she told me I love you And that when I got home I had crayons...

Breaking: Elementary School Shooting Leaves 20 or More People Dead, Including at Least 10 Children

Updated 2:44 PM EST: The death toll has risen to nearly thirty, and sources are saying that at least 18 of them are children. I'm sick. Updated 1:47 PM EST: The AP is reporting that the shooter was a 20-year-old male, and there's reports from CBS that say the shooter may have been operating with an accomplice. If you guys haven't already heard via major media outlets or social media, there's been a shooting at a school in Newtown, Connecticut. The gunman left at least twenty people in his murderous wake before being shot him or herself---by either his or her hand, or by the hand of law enforcement officials. The children have been evacuated from the school and police are beginning their briefings to the public, but guys. This is some seriously heartbreaking news---I've been crying for an hour in empathy for everyone involved. Please pray for the families whose children won't be opening the carefully-hidden Christmas gifts next week because some psychopath decided it would be better to kill little children than to kill himself. If you have them, hug your littlest friends a little bit tighter tonight, just because. />Updated 2:44 PM EST: The death toll has risen to nearly thirty, and sources are saying that at least 18 of them are children. I'm sick. Updated 1:47 PM EST: The AP is reporting that the shooter was a 20-year-old male, and there's reports from CBS that say the shooter may have been operating with an accomplice. If you guys haven't already heard via major media outlets or social media, there's been a shooting at a school in Newtown, Connecticut. The gunman left at least twenty people in hi...