Today's Evil Beet Gossip

An Update on Fred Willard’s Masturbatory Scandal

A photo of Fred Willard

Listen. Listen. I LOVE Fred Willard. I love him to death. Roseanne, remember? He was Leon’s completely lovable husband, and that was enough to make me love him forever, no matter what he does with his penis in public.

I’m obviously on Fred’s side here (like Sarah said yesterday, why is it so bad that someone gets his discrete masturbation on in an adult movie theater?), but it looks like the rest of the world isn’t. Here are a few developments that have happened since the story broke:

– Fred got fired. He’d been filming a show on PBS called Market Warriors, but yesterday afternoon, PBS decided to let him go. They’re already working on a new version of the show, and they won’t be airing any of the finished episodes featuring Fred.

– Meanwhile, Fred is saying that he didn’t do anything wrong. His lawyer released a short statement: “With all due respect to the individual officer, our belief is that Fred did nothing in any violation of any law. We will be working vigorously to clear his name in this matter.”

– TMZ caught up with Fred himself yesterday, and when asked about the arrest, he said that it was “a big misunderstanding,” that “a strange situation” led to him being in the theater in the first place, but that things were “being straightened out.” He also said that “it didn’t happen.”

– But if it DID happen, there’s a pretty good chance that it wouldn’t be considered illegal. Apparently, public masturbation is only illegal in California if it’s done around people who could potentially be offended. That sounds like a strange law, but I’m sure Fred’s lawyers could make a solid case that any visitors to a porn theater wouldn’t likely be offended by what Fred did.

And there you have it, friends! I bet you never expected to hear this much about Fred Willard’s penis, but now here we are, just spoiling you with information! What a wonderful world, right?

10 CommentsLeave a comment

  • Lol. That is the BEST loophole in a law EVER. Do what you will…. unless it’s near someone that will be offended by it. So wonderful.

  • You are absolutely correct in your legal analysis, and one of the few people I have seen get it right. I hope he rejects that insulting, face-saving “diversion program” offer to man apparently well into his 70s. We are following it closely at

  • why is everyone so uptight? He was watchin a porn movie for goodness sake.. are u tellin me someone going to watch a porn movie in public would be offended by this? Come on arresting officer..get a life… Guess u don’t get nothin at home or in a movie theater? Huh?Lmao

  • obviously no children would be allowed into an adult movie theater..what’s the problem? Kind of like life imitating art,don’t u think? lol