Today's Evil Beet Gossip

Let’s Take A Stodden Break!

A photo of Courtney Stodden

I don’t know about you guys, but it’s kind of been a weird few days for me. I haven’t been doing so great on Puzzle Quest 2. My mom made me cry. I took my guinea pig to the vet because he’s been itchy, and the vet charged me $30 to stick a piece of scotch tape to my guinea pig’s fur and look at it under a microscope. I willingly spent an hour and half watching the season finale of Kourtney and Kim Take New York and taking notes, and I enjoyed myself. It’s just weird around here right now.

I figured that at least some of you guys were probably feeling a little off as well – maybe you’re sad, maybe you’re in some kind of funk, or maybe you’re just bored – and that it would do us all some good to take our mind off things. And that is the reason I am introducing the Stodden Break.

Take a few moments during your day, when you’re feeling stressed or upset or what have you, and think about Courtney Stodden. Think about her trashy armband and her shitty music. Think about her creepy relationship. Really consider Courtney Stodden, ok? And now come back to reality. Take a deep breath, in through the nose, out through the mouth. Don’t you feel better?

I really think that by setting aside this time – taking a Stodden Break – we can all realize that, in the long run, our lives could be a lot more f*cked up. Alternately, we can all have at least a few minutes of giggles. Either we, we all win!

For today’s Stodden Break, we’re going to just start off easy by reviewing some of her latest tweets. I want you to study these, mull them over, then let me know how you feel, all right?

It’s getting just a little heated out here! Slipping & sliding in desirous dirt as I begin to hose down my hotblooded Brazilian bikini body.

Playfully licking frosting off of the tips of my tasty fingers while I plunge into a precious pile of soft feather boa scarves – MEOW! XOs

Baking creamy chocolate chip cookies in a lil lingerie apron & high heels as all of us here prepare to enter into a naughty Saturday night!

Sweetly saturating my stimulated self beneath the shining sun as the starry sparkles on my stripped shape sublimely shimmer shades of sugar.

Feeling fine & fresh as I fervently find myself tidying up tonight in a flirty french-maid outfit. Do you need anything polished? Meow!

Boldly baring my bust & buns as I break out of these clothes & into my bronzed birthday-suit for a very bad & bawdy night. XOs

Amorously hanging around the house tonight in a mens milky t-shirt as it delicately drapes off of my exposed physique ;) muah!

Dressed up today like a little erotic rocker as I prepare to sinuously step into a day that’s filled with nothing but compelling creation…

Now how do you feel?

12 CommentsLeave a comment

  • She needs to stop with those alliterations. Who is she still trying to impress by now? We all know her already. You ever think in five years she’ll look back on those tweets and feel really, really embarrassed?

  • It would be kind of hot if all of these tweets didn’t just lead to mental images of her and Doug together. Not sexy.

  • @ Emily – “I took my guinea pig to the vet because he’s been itchy, and the vet charged me $30 to stick a piece of scotch tape to my guinea pig’s fur and look at it under a microscope.”

    I don’t mean to laugh because I am the biggest animal lover (have to gorgeous Siamese kitties) and I hope your guinea pig is better, but I just laughed up coffee all over my screen!! You are priceless!!

  • It’s just some naughty stuff the old man calls out from his hobo cardboard box.. when she walks past she recites..

  • I feel nauseous. And I can’t come up with an adjective that starts with an N so that I, too, can vomit up ridiculous tripe like Courtney.

  • OMG! This girl has nooo idea how this is going to affect her later on in life! Her parents should be thrown in jail!