Today's Evil Beet Gossip

Is This Supposed to Be The New Justin Bieber?

This is Rebecca Black.  She’s 13, and her first music video currently has just over 5.5 million views on YouTube. Sound familiar?

Ok, I could break down this shitty song all day long.  I could mock the lyrics (I know it’s hard to figure out which seat to take in a car full of people, but the first verse in your pop song is not the place to discuss that), I could mock her baby Ke$ha voice, I could even raise concerns over why a 13-year-old girl is friends with a dude who can drive a car and doesn’t mind dropping her off at middle school.  I could do all of those things, but I won’t, because this girl’s 13 and it’s just sad.

The thing is that little Rebecca’s song and video were made by a company called Ark Music Factory, a terrifying place where parents can pay to have their little angels star in their very own music video.  If you check out Ark’s YouTube channel, you can see all sorts of teenage girls in embarrassing videos, and if that wasn’t as creepy for you to read as it was for me to write, then you’re part of the problem.

Look, if this girl was a grown woman with a knowledge of how ridiculous she sounds like Ke$ha or if she was legitimately talented with some swagger like Justin Bieber, I’d be all over her.  But she’s not.  She’s a misguided girl that the whole internet is laughing at, and she doesn’t deserve it.  That horrible company that wrote the song and produced the video do – seriously, whoever masterminded this shit show needs to reconsider every choice they’ve ever made in their lives.

What do you guys think?

18 CommentsLeave a comment

  • I lasted 37 seconds and that was too long!! Good God someone needs to break it to her that her voice is horrible!

  • Wow. Does she really think that’s going to become a hit or is she just plain dumb? I mean C’mon! “Yesterday was Thursday, tomorrow is Saturday, Sunday comes afterwards…”
    This is stuff for toddlers!

  • “Yesterday was Thursday (Thursday). Today is Friday (Friday)….Tomorrow is Saturday, and Sunday comes afterwards.”

    Apparently her sense of music is stuck in kindergarten, when music was used to teach.

  • “I know it’s hard to figure out which seat to take in a car full of people, but the first verse in your pop song is not the place to discuss that.”

    HAHAHAAHAHAHA. Good one.

  • What pop jewel do I like best? “Fun, fun, fun, fun.” or “gi’in down on Friday” Or maybe the random black man in a car? Be still my heart.

  • AUUUGH thank you for the link to the Ark!

    Moms and dads have been buying their little darlings “unique opportunities” since always, and I’m trying to enjoy every music video remorselessly.

  • I don’t think I want to hear anyone say the word Friday for quite a while, my ears need to recover

  • Nobody wants to hear about you having a bowl of cereal, let alone set to a shitty pop beat. Ugh.

  • Poor girl. This song made my seven year old brother run from the room screaming “I HATE THIS SONG!!!!!” within about 30 seconds….

  • Em I totally and completely agree. I knew about a minute in that it had to be a company that put this together as a gift for her, and I think they should be ASHAMED of themselves. It makes real musicians who are trying to scrape by seem less legit when they can’t produce a video. They would KILL for this kind of promotion but don’t have parents who can pay for this as a present to a THIRTEEN YEAR OLD. The whole thing is a bad situation.

    But you know what? At least there wasn’t product placement for plentyoffish…can’t say the same for Ke$ha or Britney’s videos.

  • so glad she’s reminding me how the weekend is laid out. forgot that friday comes after thursday and is followed by saturday and sunday

  • It’s not her fault that it’s a horrible song. Or that her voice can’t be masked. If the adults around you are telling you that you’re good at something, then you seek that reward.

    But I dare you to put yourself on youtube with your lyrics

  • I rarely if ever, comment. Today, I had to. First, I like how they blur the ugly friend with braces on the right while they are driving and she’s singing this god awful song. Second, it made me wonder if the extras were people from her school. And finally…this is a joke right? As long as I don’t have to hear her sing talk through the chorus again, i’ll be okay.

  • @smartiepops: they may not have product placement for a dating website in there, but the whole song/clip/label reeks of product placement to me. Is it possible that Ark were commissioned to write/produce the song for the automotive industry? Listen to the lyrics (if you dare) the only intelligible words are about driving in a car instead of taking the bus. A bit weird for a kids song… Even the ‘rap’ is all about driving!

  • In all honesty? I don’t think ARK, or the parents, are to blame. They just cater to a market which exists, i.e. teenagers who want to star in their own music video. I don’t think it’s creepy, it’s basically another form of entertainment for the vapid well-off middle classes in America, who will also take their little sweeties horseback riding on Saturdays and to Europe every summer. That is not a problem, it is what ARK do for a living and it gives the teenager what they want, a video on Youtube. Come on, think about it — wouldn’t you love to star in a music video with your friends? A music video that is actually filmed by professionals, and not by the shaky hand of the fat friend who didn’t want to star in the video?

    The problem here is the people abusing her to no end when her song isn’t any worse than anything Will.I.Am or Justin Bieber have the nerve to sing. Those people are the actual vile ones here.