Today's Evil Beet Gossip

Heeeeeey We’re Going to Have a Newsletter Now

Well, okay.

We’re not really going to have a newsletter.

We are going to have a mailing list for a newsletter that I will probably never send to anyone because, like, if you want to know what’s going on at this site, you could do something like follow us on Twitter or lick us on Facebook or, ya know, read the fucking site like a normal human being.

But certain people who shan’t be named believe we should have a mailing list. Here are the things for which I will use this mailing list, in order of likelihood:

1) To distribute the name, phone number and naked photo of some dude who I just found out is cheating on me even though we never explicitly said we were exclusive but he should have known because in my mind it was clear.

2) To distribute the name, phone number and fake naked photo (I will do it myself in Photoshop) of the chick he’s cheating on me with, even though she’s probably a perfectly nice girl and we’d get along fine under any other circumstance.

3) To keep you guys up-to-date on the whereabouts and romantic goings-on of my little sister, who historically delights in having her private life made public, especially by me.

4) To be all like “OMG DID YOU GUYS SEE LAST NIGHT’S EPISODE OF HOUSE???? We don’t have a piece up about it or anything, but, like, HOLY SHIT, right???? Did that really happen????”

5) To say something related to celebrity gossip.

Also, the subscribe form is pretty funny (I made it that way) and the only thing you need to fill in is your email address. All the other fields can be blank. But I think you’ll want to answer them.


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