Today's Evil Beet Gossip

Jennifer Aniston’s Legs Have a New Movie Out

I think The Bounty Hunter looks terrible. I think everyone thinks The Bounty Hunter looks terrible. But none of that matters right now, because JENNIFER ANISTON'S LEGS LOOK AMAZING . I would say she looks 100% perfect here at the Bounty Hunter premiere in London, but I think I might not like that jacket with that dress. I couldn't tell you for sure, though, because I cannot stop looking at her legs long enough to think about anything else. Gerard Butler was there too. I think. I wouldn't r...

Jessica Biel Still So Obsessed With Justin Timberlake That She’s Setting Her Sights on His Mom

I'm not sure whether these two crazy kids are still together or not -- reps say they're broken up and then you see them skiing together in Aspen.  Reps say they've broken up again and then you see Biel trailing after Timberlake like a lost puppy -- not that that's any different from the norm -- but still, I don't know what to make of these two. However, in new developments, Jess Biel speaks to People magazine and voices the enormous love that she has for Timberlake's mom, Lynn Harless.  In a...

Corey Haim Reportedly Died of Pulmonary Congestion but All Anyone Wants to Talk About Is His Drug Addiction

Corey Haim's mom says the LA coroner called her this morning to give her a heads-up that her son died of pulmonary congestion. Judy Haim told Maria that she received an early courtesy call from the LA County Coroner’s Office who told her that an autopsy found her son had an enlarged heart and his lungs were filled with water. His cause of death was due to pulmonary congestion. The Coroner’s Office also told Access that prescription bottles containing four different medications were taken from his room. His mother and manager told the Corone...

WTF Is Wrong with Jessica Simpson’s Mouth???

I wrote earlier today about the outfit Jess wore to her David Letterman appearance -- a lot of you loved it, but I still think it's kind of ridic. Now that we actually have footage of Jessica on the show -- talking about Tony Romo and John Mayer ("He gave away my game!!), among other things -- I have a very important question: Why can't she talk like a normal human being??? Doesn't it seem like she's holding her mouth a little tight? It doesn't look like she recently got Botox or anything, but there's definitely something odd going on. That said, it's a pretty adorable interview, and I like her a lot more after watching it. Lastly: How fucking amazing is the quality on YouTube these days??? This is a damn sharp video. Pretty soon I'll be able to sit in bed all day and my entire life will just play out over the Internet. Oh, wait. That already happened. /> I wrote earlier today about the outfit Jess wore to her David Letterman appearance -- a lot of you loved it, but I still think it's kind of ridic. Now that we actually have footage of Jessica on the show -- talking about Tony Romo and John Mayer ("He gave away my game!!), among other things -- I have a very important question: Why can't she talk like a normal human being??? Doesn't it seem like she's holding her mouth a little tight? It doesn't look like she recently got Botox or anythin...

Hello Pregnancy Butt!!!

Claudia Schiffer rocks that fetus-harboring body of hers as she picks up her pre-existing children in London. The supermodel is expecting her third child with hubby Matthew Vaughn in May. Adoption, adoption, adoption. The older I get, the less interest I have in being pregnant. I've taken to referring to biological children as "vagina babies," particularly around my boyfriend, as in "I don't ever want to have a vagina baby, and I need to make sure you're aware of that." I know thos...

In Other News …

Renee's pushing another man into marriage her luck with Coop.  [Betty Confidential] Thora Birch turns 28, looks more like 58.  [Amy Grindhouse] No, Juliette Lewis has not fallen off of the face of the earth, she's just wrapped a new music video ... Erm, 'uh-huh' ... [Allie is Wired] Michael Moore talks exclusively to Pop on the Pop! [Pop on the Pop] Shanna Moakler wishes "gay babies" upon Carrie Prejean.  [Litely Salted] My, my, how the tables have turned and the shoe is on the other foot ... Brad Pitt allegedly "threatened" by Johnny Depp working with his wife. [Celebitchy] Anyone planning on seeing the Wizard of Oz remake, if it ever comes to fruition? [Pajiba] Remember Jason Castro from American Idol a few seasons back?  Yep, he's still totally hot.  [Popbytes] Simon Monjack is a disgusting specimen of the human race and should be eviscerated by rabid squirrels.  [Celebslam] />Renee's pushing another man into marriage her luck with Coop.  [Betty Confidential] Thora Birch turns 28, looks more like 58.  [Amy Grindhouse] No, Juliette Lewis has not fallen off of the face of the earth, she's just wrapped a new music video ... Erm, 'uh-huh' ... [Allie is Wired] Michael Moore talks exclusively to Pop on the Pop! [Pop on the Pop] Shanna Moakler wishes "gay babies" upon Carrie Prejean.  [Litely Salted] My, my, how the tables have turned and the shoe is on the other foot ... Brad Pitt allegedly "threatened" by ...

Jessica Simpson Is a Pink Peacock Today!

Yay! Pink peacock! When I play dress-up sometimes I like to pretend I'm a white rhinoceros.* Jessica chose a truly fascinating dress pattern to display as she left her taping of David Letterman's show. The photo agency has labeled this set of pictures "Curvy Jessica waves at Letterman." Heh. THEY SAID IT NOT ME. *That may be the first time in my life I've typed out the word "rhinoceros." Who would have thought it was spelled with an 'o' at the end???** **Yeah, seriously, there is no real follow-up...

Mario Lopez to Be a Father to a Child of a Mother Whom I’ve Never Heard Of

Mario Lopez, who I still think of as the greasy A.C. Slater from Saved by the Bell, has recently announced that he and newest girlfriend, Courtney Laine Mazza, are the proud parents to be of a new baby. Lopez claims that the two met during production of 2008's A Chorus Line and have been practically inseparable since. Well, except for, you know, the entire time he was dating Dancing With the Stars hottie, Karina Smirnoff. Lopez also famously married Doritos chick, Ali Landry, for a gran...

Gwyneth Paltrow Gives Pretentious Advice, Also Sings Like Shit

Well, well ... For someone who presents herself to be so hoity-toity, enlightened and above it all, Gwyneth Paltrow can't sing a note to save her life. Paltrow was spotted out at a wrap party for her latest flick, Love Don't Let Me Down and girlfriend sounded like she'd swallowed a bag of smashed cats. For someone who I consider to be a sub-par actress to begin with, I hardly think this clip is for "pretend." I know there are probably some of you out there who'll read this, shit all over yourselves and start with the "Gwyneth is God, Gwyneth is a fucking guru of fine living, Gwyneth bumped uglies with revered sex-beast Brad Pitt for shit's sake" and you know what? I've fastened my index fingers securely into my ear canals. A tool is a tool no matter how partially chewed off the thorns are and there is nothing endearing or cute about Gwyneth Paltrow mumbling clumsily along to a song that practically anyone with a half a lung can sing. What do you guys think?  Do you think she can sing?  You know, in that special kind of way that she thinks she can? /> Well, well ... For someone who presents herself to be so hoity-toity, enlightened and above it all, Gwyneth Paltrow can't sing a note to save her life. Paltrow was spotted out at a wrap party for her latest flick, Love Don't Let Me Down and girlfriend sounded like she'd swallowed a bag of smashed cats. For someone who I consider to be a sub-par actress to begin with, I hardly think this clip is for "pretend." I know there are probably some of you out there who'll read this, shit al...