Today's Evil Beet Gossip

Lindsay Lohan and her DUIs are selling you car insurance

lindsay lohan

Unsurprisingly, Lindsay Lohan‘s commercial for car insurance company Esurance is in fucking TERRIBLE taste. Lest we forget, LiLo has a history of DUI arrests and hardcore drug and alcohol issues, and most people would think that those are very serious things that you don’t joke about. Not her! In fact, wouldn’t knowing that Lindsay Lohan is out there on the roads driving drunk make you want to get the best car insurance there is? That seems to be the premise of her upcoming Super Bowl commercial, according to a teaser she posted on Facebook last night.

Yikes. Well, that’s… something else. Sorry, but I don’t find that amusing in the least – it’s not even like she’s got a good sense of humour and is making fun of herself. She’s just completely clueless about the seriousness of her actions, as per usual. And Esurance is co-signing that bullshit! Ugh, whatever.

In related news, you know how we thought Lindsay might have to go back to jail since she never finished the community service that was part of her probation? Don’t worry – she’s JUST getting it done, just in time for her court appointment today.

From TMZ:

As we reported … Lindsay waited until the last minute to get it done, and she put in her time at a breakneck pace beginning late last week.

There’s one thing that’s unclear … whether she completed her hours on Tuesday or whether she has a few left that she’ll do Wednesday before the court hearing. Since London is 8 hours ahead of L.A. she has the full day to finish if she hasn’t already.

We’re told CSV is prepared to send a letter of completion before her court hearing Wednesday morning. Lindsay was supposed to complete her hours November 6, but she had only performed 102 hours of the 240.  Lindsay will not be in court. Her lawyer, Shawn Holley, will hand the sacred doc to the judge.

I mean, I’ve never thought about this before, but how is Lindsay even allowed to leave LA County while on probation, let alone leave the country and be living in London? Also, how is it that when it’s a PROBATION HEARING, she doesn’t have to show up to court? The judicial system is an absolute joke.

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Lindsay Lohan likes Photoshop, too

lindsay lohan

Lindsay Lohan might be in a bit of a mess lately, what with the whole “messing up her probation yet again” thing and the Chikungunya virus hospitalization thing, but that’s not going to stop her fun. No, she’s still gotta post selfies to get feedback from her legions of remaining Instagram fans, so she did just that on Saturday with the above photo. Her caption was the cherry on top!

lindsay lohan instagram

Yes, Lindsay, “hehe” indeed. Except there’s a bit of a problem with your Calvins, girl. Those bottles in the background are being sucked in towards your stomach… meaning your stomach’s been sucked in with Photoshop. Like many of the greats who have come before you, you have not yet learned the art of making sure your background objects don’t warp when you shave a few inches off your waistline.

I really don’t understand the urge to do this shit – she looks comically bad – huge tits and literally the rest of her body like a stick? The top and bottom half of her don’t even look like they go together. I’m not slating Lindsay Lohan’s boobs, obviously, or slating skinny people. I’m slating the fact that Lindsay – who is naturally thin – felt the need to make herself look ridiculously moreso by doing a shitty Photoshop job. Stop the madness!!

Though I suppose nothing will ever compare with this genius retouching job:

john mayer

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Lindsay Lohan might be going back to jail

Lindsay Lohan

Man, Lindsay Lohan just can’t catch a break. Not only has she been hospitalized with the Chikungunya virus, but now she’s failed her most recent community service assessment and may end up going to jail.

Lindsay is due in court Wednesday to prove she completed her community service in connection with her 2012 reckless driving case … where she slammed into an 18-wheeler on PCH.

She was required to perform 240 hours of community service, but on November 6, 2014 — when she was required to show proof of completion — her lawyer, Shawn Holley, told hizzoner LiLo had completed nearly HALF the hours.

So the judge set a second date for Lindsay to show proof of completion — next Wednesday. But TMZ has learned Lindsay isn’t even close to finishing.

Her excuse … the community service center in London was closed for 2 weeks during the holidays and she ended up in the hospitalwith a mosquito virus. Here’s the problem … she got the virus while vacationing in Bora Bora, instead of putting in her time.

Oh, dear. This would all be fine and well if, you know, it was her first time fucking up, but you KNOW it wasn’t.

– 2009 … Lindsay failed to complete her alcohol ed program
– 2010 … Bench warrant issued after Lindsay was a no show, claiming she was in Cannes and her passport was stolen
– 2010 … Bench warrant issued after her SCRAM bracelet went off at the MTV Music Awards after party
– 2010 … Lindsay failed to complete her alcohol ed program
– 2010 … Lindsay allegedly beats up a woman at Betty Ford
– 2010 … Probation revoked after cocaine found in her system
– 2013 … Late to court after missing a flight

SMH. Book ‘er!

Of course she’ll use the virus as an excuse this time, but she didn’t have the virus when she went on vacation, so that has nothing to do with anything. Of course, because she’s white and rich, the judge will buy it and she’ll get a slap on the wrist for the 18th time and be sent on her way. I’m very sorry she’s ill, but this case has NOTHING to do with that and dates back 5 years, so…

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Lindsay Lohan’s been hospitalized with the Chikungunya virus

lindsay lohan

It was only a few weeks ago when Lindsay Lohan‘s vacation was nearly ruined after she contracted a case of the mosquito-borne Chikungunya virus. She seemed to be soldiering on, not wanting to miss out on precious yachting time, but apparently it’s got the better of her again and she’s been so ill that she was forced to seek treatment at a London hospital.

Lindsay Lohan is in a London hospital with a rare, incurable virus she apparently picked up in Bora Bora … TMZ has learned.

We’re told Lindsay contracted Chikungunya, a virus transmitted by mosquito bites that causes fever, joint pain and fatigue.

Lindsay vacationed in Bora Bora over the holidays and then flew to L.A. to shoot an Esurance commercial … we believe for the Super Bowl.

Lindsay began complaining of the illness just before New Year’s. She then went back to London where she became so ill she couldn’t walk.

Lindsay is currently in King Edward VII’s Hospital … the same place the Queen gets treated. They’re keeping Lindsay because she has a high fever and the joint pain is unbearable. As for her prognosis … we’re told the joint pain could last for months.

Oh man, that’s not very fun. You really don’t have anything in life if you don’t have your health, and being in constant pain to the point that you can’t walk or do anything is so depressing and awful. No matter what you think of Lindsay Lohan, I don’t think anyone deserves to be ill/in pain (except maybe child molesters or some shit, but you get my point).

Hope you recover soon, LiLo.

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Lindsay Lohan might be heading to Broadway

lindsay lohan

Lindsay Lohan recently completed a… well, not an entirely disastrous run in Speed-the-Plow in London’s West End, which must make her a professional theatre actress now, right? According to In Touch Weekly, that’s good enough for Oprah, who wants to put LiLo’s name in lights on Broadwayyyyyy!

An insider tells ‘In Touch,’ “Oprah bought the rights to several books that she wants to produce for the stage, and Lindsay is begging to be cast in one.”

“If that doesn’t work out, she’s hoping Oprah can get her an audition for something like ‘Cabaret,’” the insider adds, explaining that the talk show legend helped Lindsay land her role in ‘Speed-the-Plow’ in London this past fall. “Lindsay needs another helping hand.”

Since her docuseries on OWN, “Lindsay’s referred to Oprah as her fairy godmother,” says an insider.

Well, ain’t that nice? Considering the source, this is likely a load of bullhonkey, but can you imagine Lindsay Lohan on Broadway? Nooooo thank you. I’m trying to think of a book-turned-play she could even star in, and nothing’s coming to mind. Thankfully, I’m sure it’ll never come to fruition.

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Lindsay Lohan has contracted the mosquito-borne Chikungunya virus

lindsay lohan

Lindsay Lohan has taken a break from her new straight-laced London life for a nice little holiday in French Polynesia. Things have been going great… except for the fact that she’s been really ill after contracting the mosquito-borne Chikungunya virus.

lindsay lohan tweet

The virus isn’t deadly, but it can cause fever, joint pain, swelling, etc. There’s no known cure and it can be pretty debilitating until you start to recover, so it’s not a pleasant experience, in any case. But don’t worry too much about Lindsay – she’s determined not to let it get the better of her precious vacation time.


In any case, I love travel but this is like, my biggest fear – I totally have the shit luck that I’d go to some beautiful country and come back with intestinal parasites, bug-borne diseases and anything else that can happen to a human being. Hope LiLo recovers soon!

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Lindsay Lohan is finally growing up in London

Lindsay Lohan

You know, I can’t believe I’m saying this, but Lindsay Lohan might finally be getting her act together. She relocated to London earlier this year to take part in David Mamet’s Speed-the-Plow (which was less than stellar, but A+ for effort) and now she’s just, you know, living life… AWAY from all the party animals that got her in trouble back in New York and Los Angeles. She loves her new life so much, in fact, that she’s vowed to never go back!

From The Guardian:

“In LA I didn’t know what to do apart from go out every night,” she says. “That’s when my friends were free. And I would go out and there would be all these cameras there and that’s when it became difficult.”

Lohan has lived in the capital for nine months now, has a lease for another year on her flat in the West End, and is currently planning to make it her permanent home. She can’t emphasise enough the liberation the move has given her. “I can go for a run here on my own,” she says. “I do every morning, early, and I think how my friends in New York would still be up partying at that time. I needed to grow up and London is a better place for me to do that than anywhere else.”

The defining moment of this shift, she says, came on a holiday she took to Greece in the summer. “It was,” she says, still thrilled at the idea, “the first time I have ever just been on a vacation by myself. I just wandered about on my own! I turned off my phone. It was so extraordinarily freeing for me. Like another life.” The world, which had for so long reflected back to her an ugly image of herself, was suddenly just “out there”.

“I won’t live in LA again, hell no,” she says. “My friends tell me shit when they come over I don’t want to hear. I don’t even know who got married and who got pregnant. You turn on the news in LA and it is all gossip about people. All the stuff that is going on in the world right now and this gossip is the news?” She laughs. “I love the BBC. I haven’t heard myself mentioned on TV since I have been here. That has been really weird for me, and great.”

I mean, she sounds coherent, right? Sober? Her Instagram seems fairly self-absorbed, but that’s just celebrity. It’s notably lacking in the insanity department. I hate to get excited too early, but I actually have high hopes for her. Our last story on her was a month ago, the one before that was another month before. She’s staying out of the spotlight and I think it’s doing her a world of good. Get it, Lindsay!

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