6Vanessa Paradis Can Spit Water Through Her Teeth, You Know

So I completely take back any potentially-foul thing I may have ever said about Vanessa Paradis, because she completely killed any ill feelings I’ve maybe ever had about her in one fell swoop—and namely, because of this Harper’s Bazaar interview that I’ve gone and inserted the better bits and pieces of into this post. I talked a little bit about Vanessa’s interview spree over the weekend, when we discussed how she finally opened up about Johnny Depp and their split in Elle, and pretty much since then, girlfriend’s been on my mind.

See, in this interview, Vanessa talks about her anti-aging regimen (um, none), her privacy, how blessed she is to be living the life that she lives, and the big ol’ gap between her two front teeth. And guys, this woman is positively charming.

Here’s Vanessa on the topic of privacy for her family:

They [Vanessa and Johnny] made French their own private language, speaking it when they “needed to have intimacy, when you want to have secrets in the middle of a crowd,” Paradis says. Two children quickly followed, Lily-Rose, now 13, and John, nicknamed Jack, 10.

On being “chic vagabonds,” and how privileged she feels in this life:

“It takes a lot of thinking and organization,” Paradis says of the nomadic existence. Even now, their primary concern is to maintain a sense of balance and protect their children from the tabloid glare. “We have a very privileged life. But even when we are in L.A., where it’s focused on the film industry, it’s also very family-oriented. I’m in love with the schools. We try to keep it normal.”

On her appearance:

As for Paradis’s own beauty, it has simply morphed over the years: She has aged without a lot of fuss. Deep laugh lines frame her teal-smudged eyes, and her face reveals considerable animation. She says she doesn’t plan on plastic surgery. (“I don’t work in America, so I don’t feel the pressure.”) And forget about altering what the French call les dents du bonheur, or lucky teeth. “Why would I fix them? I was born with them. I can spit water through them. They’re useful!”

And finally, on what she’s looking for in a man:

The day that Paradis moves on, in France at least, the press will run wild again. There are already rumors linking her with singer-songwriter Benjamin Biolay and Lenny Kravitz, which one should take with an enormous grain of fleur de sel. That said, Paradis does have an eye for a specific kind of man. “Well, my type is obviously creative,” she says, with a quick smile. “Creative, with burning eyes and a pretty mouth.”

See? Completely delightful, non? And the thing is, I can sort of relate with the teeth thing. I really, really admire her for not getting the gap fixed, because when I was a young teen, I, too, had similar teeth to Vanessa’s. I had the big gap between the front two, and if I can speak honestly, these teeth were the bane of my adolescent existence.

Back before my parents paid for braces, I wouldn’t show my teeth when I smiled, and I’d go home crying when this one ass (who ironically sent me a friend request on Facebook a few weeks ago, though we haven’t talked in probably fifteen or so years) would tell me that he could probably “slide quarters through the gap between my two front teeth.” Kids can be so, so mean, and I never forgot how that business made me feel.

For Vanessa, now, to go ahead and shrug it off, embracing it, is kind of admirable. Whether or not they bothered her when she was a young girl, I don’t know, but it almost makes you wonder what kind of self-awareness you have to have in order to keep things the way they are—and be OK with them, too. ADMIRABLE.

As Emily said a few weeks ago, TEAM VANESSA.

August 14, 2012 at 11:30 am by Sarah

6Vanessa Paradis Talks About Johnny Depp Split

Even though she doesn’t want to talk about him. Go figure.

In a recent interview with Elle magazine, Vanessa was asked about her breakup with long-time partner, Johnny Depp, and after a little insistence, she obliged. To Elle, Vanessa said:

“I don’t want to talk about him. Who said that artists should sell their soul, expose everything about themselves? … It’s my duty to promote this movie, and my albums, but can you imagine what it feels like to see people making a business out of your pain. What’s happened to us is our concern. Who said that artists should sell their soul, expose everything about themselves? … It’s my duty to promote this movie, and my albums, but can you imagine what it feels like to see people making a business out of your pain. What’s happened to us is our concern. I don’t have the recipe for happiness, but I think the engine is simply having the desire. It’s not feeling obliged or forced or repeating yourself. I hate, for example, whenever you hear someone say: ‘You have work at being a couple’. No, you have to want to be there. And for me, I want to be right where I am right now.”

So, in a nutshell, it sounds like Vanessa is in a decent place right now, and if she’s still aching over the fact that she and Johnny are no more, it’s definitely not showing, and for that? I have to give her some major, major credit, because wow. These guys were just together forever. Sometimes things work out this way for many reasons, and not entirely selfish ones, I suppose, huh?

August 12, 2012 at 1:00 pm by Sarah

10Johnny Depp Is Completely Innocent

This really hurts. I’ve always loved Johnny Depp‘s movies, because hey, what’s not to love? And when he’s played such wonderful, endearing characters like the ones he played in Benny and Joon, Edward Scissorhands, and Finding Neverland, I think it’s easy to mistake his characters’ good qualities for his own, you know? Because I’ve enjoyed his movies so much, I just assumed that he’s an awesome person who is incapable of doing anything wrong. But right now, at this point in time, I think I’m going to have to guess that he’s kind of a douchebag in real life.

Another story about Johnny’s split from Vanessa Paradis covered Us Weekly this week, and Lainey Gossip was nice enough to summarize it:

According to the magazine:

-V wanted to break up 2 years ago because she was unhappy
-V complained all the time about their low key lifestyle. She didn’t want to stay on a private island and quietly raise their babies. She was bored and restless.
-V was the one who wanted to move to LA and that’s when it all unravelled.
-V was the one who insisted that he make big budget Disney movies because she loved the money. Johnny wasn’t interested but only did them for her.
(Please tell me you’re shaking your head and rolling your eyes now.)
-When those movies became big ass deals, V then resented J for his success.

Says an Us Weekly source:

“Nothing Johnny did was ever good enough for Vanessa. When he was working, she wasn’t happy. And when he wasn’t working, he was called a slob for not doing enough for the kids and her family.”

Apparently Johnny is tight with the owner of the magazine, and that’s why they wrote this joke of a story. Because if you’ve been keeping up with Johnny for the past year or so, he’s in the middle of a full blown midlife crisis. He’s made stupid comments, he’s been seen drunkenly stumbling around more than once, and honestly, he just doesn’t look that great these days. And, of course, there are all the rumors of Johnny’s wandering penis. He’s been linked with his Dark Shadows costar, Eva Green, his Rum Diary costar, Amber Heard, an Olsen twin, and also his publicist. But for sure, it’s all Vanessa’s fault. She drove him to all this.

Listen, this is bullshit. I don’t care if Vanessa Paradis screeched in Johnny’s ear about anything and everything for the entire 14 years they were together. She didn’t force him to hook up with other ladies, and she didn’t force him to get wasted and stagger around the streets. That’s all on him. If he wasn’t happy, he could have left, but the “you made me do this to you” argument just gets under my skin so much. Your choices are your own, so be a grown ass adult and stand behind them.

Team Vanessa.

June 27, 2012 at 5:30 pm by Emily

3Johnny Depp Was Totally Bored With Vanessa Paradis and She Knew It

So in this video, it’s all made out to be this nice, amicable breakup where not just one party had gone and decided the fate of their fourteen-year relationship. However, other sources are saying that the couple broke up because Johnny had enough of the same puss over and over again for a decade and a half, and he wanted to test the waters since he was all big and famous-y and in demand and not getting any younger.

Here’s more information from Radar Online:

“Johnny didn’t want to be with Vanessa anymore. They had grown so far apart, and he wanted to be free and try new things,” a source close to the former couple tells RadarOnline.com. “He was bored senseless with her, being with Vanessa was making him miserable. The spark had gone, and there was nothing left. Johnny just wants more from life and believes Vanessa deserves to be happier too. He’s not embroiled in some hot and heavy new romance and he has no plans to jump straight into something straight away, but he is keen to have some fun again.”

“Johnny was not handling keeping their split secret too well, it was difficult for him to carry on a farce, so now that it is out in the public he is feeling a lot happier about the situation. … Johnny has wanted this relationship to end since last year,” the source says. “He has tried to get out of this for a long time.”

However, one thing is for sure — even though Johnny no longer wants to be romantically involved with Vanessa, he is determined to continue to be a hands-on dad when it comes to their two children, Lilly [sic] Rose and Jack.

“Make no mistake, Johnny is not walking away from his kids, at all,” the source says. “He loves his children, more than life itself, and he is determined to remain a constant everyday presence in their lives.”

And even more sources are saying that Johnny’s already rebounded with ‘Long Ranger’ costar, Amber Heard. Who, last I checked, was a lesbian. But hey. You never do know, now, do you? From Showbiz Spy:

Johnny Depp has been linked to actress Amber Heard.

The actor — who recently announced his split from longtime love Vanessa Paradis — is said to have bought Heard a horse so they can ride together.

According to Globe magazine, Heard — who is bisexual — has been a “regular visitor” to the New Mexico set of The Lone Ranger where 49-year-old Depp is currently filming.

Depp and Heard have also reportedly enjoyed a trip together to Las Vegas on a private plane.

Wow. So is it maybe safe to say yet that Johnny Depp could actually be a little bit of a bag of dicks? Could it be true?

June 21, 2012 at 11:30 am by Sarah

8BREAKING: Johnny Depp Confirms the Split With Vanessa Paradis

From ET:

“Johnny Depp and Vanessa Paradis have amicably separated. Please respect their privacy and, more importantly, the privacy of their children.”

And that was it. That was IT. No “they split months ago back when everyone and their mother called it,” not “just today and poor, deluded Vanessa was left crying on the couple’s front porch after telling everyone just weeks ago that things were all fine and dandy,” nothing else. We’ve got the old “amicable separation,” and the request to respect privacy—because of the children, you see.

Story developing …

June 19, 2012 at 12:00 pm by Sarah

4Johnny Depp Did Not Break Up With Vanessa Paradis

From the UK’s Sun:

The actor, 48, seethed that there was “no way” he had split from his partner of 14 years.

As co-star Michelle Pfeiffer dazzled at the London premiere of vampire flick Dark Shadows Depp seethed: “The rumours are not true. They are absolutely not true.”

The frustrated star — who plays bloodsucker Barnabas Collins in Tim Burton’s new movie — also opened up about no one believing his denial.

He sighed: “No matter what I say about this, people believe the opposite. I can’t say enough about it not being over.”

So, wait. Does this mean Johnny and Vanessa aren’t over? Because yeah, though Vanessa said the same damn thing back in January, no one believed her. Johnny hasn’t brought her out in public in, what, almost two years? What do these guys expect? I’m not saying that it’s like, “Oh, y’all need to let us know the status of your relationship year in and year out,” because we’re not entitled to it, of course, but when ALL SIGNS point to a couple no longer together, how are you going to be all incredulous that no one believes you if you say otherwise? It’s not like celebrities tell the truth a hundred percent of the time when they’re splitting up anyway, you know? No reason to get all hot and bothered, boyfriend.

Also interesting is the fact that everybody’s probably going to take this as gospel now that Johnny’s said something about it. When Vanessa talked about the couple’s non-split almost six months ago, everyone dismissed it as damage control and Vanessa making an attempt in trying to save their floundering relationship. I can bet that the rumors are going to stop flying, like, as we speak, now that Johnny’s come out and confirmed their relationship to still be on. Rather odd if you ask me.

Last, if this is true, I’m glad to hear it, all joking aside. Johnny and Vanessa have been together (?) for a decade and a half, now, and that’s more than what you can say for the majority of coupled-up actors and actresses these days. If they’re still doing their thing happily, so be it.

Congrats?

May 10, 2012 at 4:30 pm by Sarah