And it’s hilarious. Not the nudity specifically, just the whole entire thing. It’s a spoken word video she did with her band, and it’s … when I first watched it, my boyfriend just stopped what he was doing and said “what on earth is that emo bullshit?” It’s Taylor Momsen, recognize!
But ok, I should tell you now that it’s not exactly the nudity you may have in mind. It’s a shot of her entire body, and it is naked, but it’s kind of blurred. You can see everything, but it won’t make you feel like a gynecologist or anything. And I shouldn’t have to mention that it’s NSFW, but I’m going to anyway: this is NSFW. You can see boobies and a vagina silhouette. This is very serious.
The other day Emily told you guys about the unlikely pairing of Marilyn Manson and Lana Del Rey. And then, a few days after that, she told you about Marilyn Manson being all buddy-buddy with Johnny Depp. Now? We have Marilyn Manson and the female-wannabe-Marilyn Manson, Taylor Momsen. I mean, she’s chalk-white and all knees and elbows like Manson, she’s got some serious eyeliner addiction—like Marilyn Manson!—and hell, her last name is even similar to Manson (Momsen, Manson, what-the-f-ck-ever). So I guess it’d make sense that these two would eventually cross paths in the music world, and here it is. They did. How ’bout it.
The above video is over eighteen minutes long, and while I freely admit that I watched the entire thing with no shame, I’ll also candidly tell you that I cringed throughout most of it, because while Marilyn Manson is pretty badass, he still kind of scares the goth-fearing sixth-grader in me. No, really: one of my very best friends turned all “goth” on me in sixth grade, and I’m going to be dead honest with you—I had no idea how to deal. No f-cking clue. She became all dark and black nail-polished and silver-spiky and all ‘Cake and Sodomy’, and it was a shock for me, alright? It was a shock. I dealt, and things were alright, but I’m not going to pretend that I was taken aback by all of it, all from the petite dress-wearing girl with the formerly honey-blonde hair, clear mascara, and Claire Danes smile.
Anyway. To make a long story short, Taylor appears around the 1:54 mark, OK?
Taylor took the stage at these, the 2012 Revolver Golden Gods Awards—the very same show where Johnny performed with good ol’ Mair later on in the set, and the audience went … well, ‘nuts’ wouldn’t exactly convey what I’m trying to say when ‘apathetic’ is more along the lines of what I mean … but they seemed to enjoy her well enough. Probably because at least half of them thought that a live goat would be disemboweled onstage while Taylor drew pentagrams and upside-down crosses on Marilyn’s bare ass with its blood. I mean, I know that’s what I see when I envision these two together, you know?
But what does she plan to do with that world? According to Taylor herself, it sure as hell won’t be acting. Here’s what she had to say when asked if she was planning on returning to movies or television:
“F*ck no! Never! I am done, done, done… It’s good to finally be able to focus on music and not have to work on 10 jobs at once.”
Oh, Taylor, say it isn’t so! Don’t take that gift away from the world. We’ll miss you too much, Shake ‘N Bake!
But hey, if Taylor is giving up acting to focus solely on music, then that must mean that she’ll have a lot more time and energy to dedicate to her beautiful gift of song, right? Which means that we should be seeing her stepping her game up quite a bit. Which she already did, because right now, she’s preparing for a pretty big tour with her band, The Pretty Reckless.
You guys, she’s opening for Marilyn Manson. Taylor Momsen is going on tour with Marilyn Manson, how perfect is that? Surely she’ll learn some scary goth rocker tips, as if she needed any more of those. Oh my gosh … what if they start dating? Could you even imagine? Because I kind of can’t.
And now, finally, I would like to share with you Taylor’s latest music video. The song is called “My Medicine,” and basically it’s all about how Taylor mixed up her pills and is having a bad trip. That’s what this song is about. You can see her having that bad trip in the video, which, by the way, is probably NSFW. That is, unless your work is cool with hazy censored breasts and some chick showing her ass while she’s riding on some dude.
You know, I’ve never seen Taylor perform with her band, The Pretty Reckless. Then again, I’ve never seen Taylor Momsen do anything in public in person, so maybe that’s a little extra-why this video surprised me, but at the same time, didn’t surprise me at all. At the :23 mark, you have Taylor whipping her extra-long, extra-stringy, extra-blonde hair around like she’s riding the wrong side of a stripper pole (but really, is there ever really a wrong side?) and from there, the video only gets worse. No, really: it gets worse.
At the :32 mark, Taylor turns around to face the crowd and has a sloppy, lazy, smeared-lipstick smile on that positively screams “HEROIN!” That, and who cut her bangs? Girlfriend’s probably got a fair amount of money that she hasn’t frittered away on trying to look like an albino Marilyn Manson, and she’s cutting her own damn bangs? It’s obvious. I’ve been there. But I have an excuse. I’m a reclusive writer. I’m paranoid about people bringing scissors to my face. OK, that’s a lie. I’m actually too lazy to make a damn hair appointment, alright? That’s the truth.
At :49. The dude in the audience waving around the Devil Horns. Or is that the Shocker? I don’t know. Maybe it’s a lady with sausages for fingers maybe. Whatever.
After that it gets pretty boring and I may have dozed off until the : mark. That, or the heavy-duty pain meds are making me zone out. Please don’t make me watch it again; I just can’t do it. Anyway, somewhere around the three-minute mark, Taylor’s friend, Jenna Haze (AKA “female pornstar”) makes a stage appearance and does a standing lapdance for Taylor, which might have actually been kind of hot-ish if she weren’t wearing a big, baggy t-shirt. At one point, they kiss. Gross. Doesn’t Taylor know what kind of stuff was in that chick’s mouth?
In short? This video makes me want to die, and if Taylor’s intention was … well, that, when composing the same-name song, then it was a total f-cking win, alright? GIRL WHO F-CKS FOR SATAN, 1; SARAH, 0.
But maybe it’s all of her darkness that’s giving her a bad rap. Maybe it really is inherent. Maybe it’s because she needs to get laid. Or get more sleep. I don’t know. In her most recent interview with FHM magazine and talked about how high-strung she is and how she works purely off of adrenaline. Maybe that’s all part of it somehow.
Taylor on probably having some kind of massive anxiety disorder:
“I’m completely neurotic, totally anxious and high-strung all the time. I sleep for about four hours a night, or day, really. I go to bed at 9 a.m., sleep for four hours, then get up and start the day again. … To be honest, I don’t know what to do when I’m not working. I lose my mind if I’m not constantly doing something.”
And … that’s probably how Lindsay Lohan got her start on the road that dumped her where she is now, guys. Hm. Maybe it’s better if she sticks with people like Keibler and Refaeli. They’re probably way better influences on her than she knows. And they date way, way hotter dudes, too.
Oh Taylor Momsen. If there’s one thing about you that’s always constant, it’s you. Just, you know. You. The way you are. The things you say, the clothes you wear, the very image you project. Though I know I should be rolling my eyes hard, I’m kind of thanking my lucky stars, because you know that saying, “Things could always be worse”? I think it was written about you. I do. Or at least Courtney Love (I KNOW; you must be so stoked that I made that correlation there. You’re welcome), and then applied to young women like you who teeter just on the edge of impropriety and desperation. Yes, I guess that’s the word: “desperation.” It sums you up pretty well, girl.
Here’s Taylor’s latest interview with FHM magazine, where, frankly, nothing much has changed since the last time we ran an in-depth interview with Taylor Momsen (which was back in the summer of ’11).
Taylor Momsen on wanting to look like a stripper:
“I love stripper shoes and I always try to find the tallest ones. I’m always surprised no one talks about my shoes. I’m, like, on stage in 15-inch heels but people talk more about my eye make-up, which has stayed the same forever.”
On her love of being tall:
“I’m 5ft 8in. So I’m really tall. I got into heels when I was little, though. My mom’s really short so she always wears really tall heels and I used to steal them and now it’s just a part of my everyday life.”
“I don’t like guys who overdress. And I don’t like guys who try too hard. My biggest thing is be yourself. Be yourself and if people don’t like you, then they can suck a d**k. I don’t like people who pretend to be something to fit into a certain crowd or guys who pay more attention to how they look than you do – that’s not a good thing.”
On selling out to the UK:
“Most of my favorite bands are from England. You guys have the best bands. The Beatles, Zeppelin, The Who, you have frickin’ all of them! America loses there.”
On selling out to the UK. Again:
“Every now and again I want to go to the beach and be in the sun, but that’s a very rare feeling, so I could live in London, definitely. I like the rain. I like the gloom, and everyone’s got such an attitude, be it a good or a bad one.”
So, there’s a little more insight on who Taylor Momsen really is. I guess the only question I have for girlfriend would be “Do you still f-ck for Satan?” because that’s definitely something we need to know, now that you’re eighteen and all.
Girlfriend there turned eighteen, what, months ago? And this is what we’re ending up with? Is this what happens when Mommy stops dressing her little girl? I mean, this is probably the most dressed I’ve seen this girl since How the Grinch Stole Christmas. What’s happening here? Where’s the knitting needles?
With regard to the whole privates-viewing thing: it’s actually something I’m completely not interested in seeing. I mean, you’ve seen this girl, right? She has the body of a shorter Marilyn Manson, does she not? Totally not my thing, sorry.