3Team Tara Is Not On Team Lohan

Tara Reid AKA Team Tara is not friends with Lindsay Lohan, telling TMZ, “We don’t really like each other that much.” And when I say, “telling TMZ” I mean that she was in the TMZ studio hanging out among all of them, talking like she worked there. They were discussing Lohan’s latest driving problems — this time, Lindsay had her car towed for parking in the wrong place — and Ms. Reid got into Lohan a little bit. Here’s what she said:

If I get drunk, I’m a happy drunk, you know? When she gets drunk, she’s just mean. She’s so paranoid, she takes her drink anytime someone thinks she has a camera phone on, and drops it in the ice bucket … I think this girl gets chance, after chance, after chance, after chance. I just feel like … she keeps getting to move onto different stories and my stories that are bad about me keep getting stuck with me.

I agree and disagree with Team Tara. I agree that Lohan gets way too many chances. Lohan should be in jail right now. But I disagree in the suggestion that Lohan has a completely clean slate. She’s not known anymore for acting or talent — she’s known for being a mess who can’t get work. So in that sense, Lohan’s stories (bad publicity) are stuck with her just as much as Team Reid’s. However, Lohan is still invited on huge platforms like The Today Show and Late Night With David Letterman, whereas Team Reid is…in the TMZ office.

Pick one: Team Tara or Team Lohan?

May 1, 2013 at 4:30 am by Catherine St. Ives

9Tara Reid Demanded Free Clothes; Got Nothing Instead

Tara Reid, of American Pie movies and lots of awful publicity, got into a bit of a tough spot when the employees at All Saints clothing wouldn’t give her a discount or free clothes. From Page Six:

The “American Pie” star was seen shopping at edgy Brit brand All Saints last week when she was overheard berating employees for refusing to give her a discount because of her “fame,” and then was booted, spies said.

“She was screaming,” said a source. “She had to be escorted out by security. She seemed drunk.”

The trouble began when Reid — star of upcoming TV movie “Sharknado” with Ian Ziering—arrived at the Robertson Boulevard store where, a spy said, “She said she needed an outfit for Coachella.” But, the spy added, she “demanded a discount.” When the store declined, Reid insisted she deserved the break “because of her fame,” a spy said. She then “began to scream at them and was escorted out.”

I had to look up Sharknado. Sharknado appears to be a film about sharks and tornados. Possibly sharks in tornados. The poster is a shark in a tornado with the tagline “ENOUGH SAID.” I think I need more, but okay. Moving on,

A rep for Reid told us that she was with her C-list client during the incident, and that we’re just not on “Team Tara.”

“Tara gets a huge discount with All Saints in the UK and Paris because she’s a walking billboard for them,” the rep snapped. “She gets photographed . . . so they give her huge hookups. We told them we get a discount, and they said they’d email the press team.”

The rep added Reid was in a dressing room when a salesperson then came in to tell her she’d been denied. “Tara didn’t think it made sense and asked them to check again,” the rep said.

The store offered to hold Reid’s items for her, according to the rep, and Tara left empty-handed, on her own steam.

As far as Reid’s state in the store: “She was definitely not drunk. People love to say Tara’s hammered and this and that . . . whoever is saying that is not on Team Tara,” the rep said.

“Team Tara”? And you’re a publicist? And someone pays you to say these things and release these statements and the best thing you can come up with is some Regina George bullshit about not being on “Team Tara”? Is this so f-cking fantastic, from now on, I will only refer to Tara Reid as Team Tara, (but it’s not like I’m going to get that opportunity a lot, let’s be real here.)

Hey, Team Tara?

April 22, 2013 at 3:30 pm by Catherine St. Ives

4Tara Reid Is in The Hospital With Pancreatitis or Food Poisoning, Possibly Also A Jet Ski Accident

That Tara Reid, always such a mystery! She’s currently staying in a hospital in France, but for what? Is something wrong with her pancreas? Did she get a bad case of food poisoning? Did she take tumble off a jet ski? Did she, and this is what I hope is the truth, decide to take some time in a medical facility to fix every single thing that is wrong with her mind, body, and spirit?

We don’t know. We just don’t know.

According to TMZ, Tara has been in the hospital for a few days now, and is expected to stay a few more in order to recover from acute pancreatitis. They were sweet enough to add that acute pancreatitis can cause “vomiting, nausea, diarrhea, and fever,” though I’m sure Tara is not a stranger to any of those things. Their story also includes the gossipy tidbit that Tara was seen partying hard in the days leading up to her hospitalization, which is something that I’m sure none of us would have considered otherwise.

But THEN, just a few hours ago, Tara tweeted that she “got a seafood poisening and hurt my back on the jetski.” Here, see for yourself:

Don’t worry everyone I’m all good and heathy I got a seafood poisening and hurt my back on the jetski but I’m all better thanks for caring!

Jetski’s are fun but you have to be safe they can be very dangerous!

I’m all good guys and happy no big deal enjoy your day everyone happy friday!

And this isn’t incredibly relevant, but she tweeted this bit of advice an hour after that, and I think it would be irresponsible not to share it with you:

By the way to all you hayers I lobe my adidas track sits when you are going on the small boat to the big one it protects u from getting wet!

So there you go, hayers, go ahead and get yourself an adidas track sit, because I’m sure you will lobe it too.

But anyway, back to that whole hospital thing: is it weird that I trust TMZ to tell me the truth about Tara’s health more than I trust Tara to tell me the truth about Tara’s health? But why would she lie about pancreatitis? Maybe because alcoholism is one of the possible causes for the illness? Maybe because she thinks seafood poisoning is way cooler than a stupid pancreas? I don’t know, but I’m starting to feel silly for spending this much time trying to figure out the thought process of Tara Reid.

July 21, 2012 at 10:00 am by Emily

0Tara Reid Says That Getting Drunk Isn’t a Crime

Guys, if you ever wondered what Courtney Stodden would be like if she ever grew up, it’d be this. Right here, Tara Reid. It’s like they’re the same person almost, save for the fact that one’s got a history of looking like a f-cking moron in public and no one takes them all that seriously. I’ll let you be the judge as to which one that is.

Tara was recently chosen for the cover of Loaded magazine (and trust me, the irony in that is not lost on me), and in the accompanying interview, she talked about how “getting drunk isn’t a crime” (though that’s debatable in some states), and how it really just comes down to brute bullying when people ask her questions about her past. Um, OK?

From Loaded—

Tara Reid on her history of alcoholism (she was treated at various rehabs numerous times):

“I did party, but I wasn’t breaking the law. It wasn’t that big of a deal. It’s not like going out and getting drunk is a crime, lots of people do it. It doesn’t make me a bad person because I like to go out and have a drink. I’ve never missed a day’s work.”

On reuniting with the male cast of ‘American Pie’ for ‘American Reunion’:

“The boys were so bad. They’d be licking their fingers and sticking them in each other’s ears, grabbing each other. They regressed to being five-year-olds. The studio had to say, ‘guys, you can’t keep going this crazy, we’re getting complaints from the crew’.”

On why she refused to answer questions about rumors including reports that she got married last year:

“I think bringing up the past is a form of bullying. There’s a form of entrapment.”

I just … I can’t even.

Last, did someone get really crafty with the Photoshop, or did Tara maybe wise up and remove the Frankenboobs*?

*No, no. Photos 5 and 6 in the gallery prove that Frankenboob is still well in effect.

May 6, 2012 at 11:00 am by Sarah

3Tara Reid Got Engaged and Married All in the Same Day

Wow, between this and the new American Pie movie, I guess it’s going to be TARA REID‘S YEAR. I know there’s only a few months left in 2011 (frigging scary as that is), but girlfriend’s going to do it up right.

So Tara Reid’s boyfriend (who I didn’t even know existed and who obviously likes fake appendages, recovering alcoholics, and women who suffer lifelong consequences from bad decisions), apparently popped the question this past weekend on a holiday in Greece. Tara was not only so excited that she said ‘yes’ with no reservations, she struck while the iron was hot and her boyfriend was still drunk. According to the chronological order of Tara’s tweets:

“I got engaged!”

“Greece married!”

“Just got married in greece I love being a wife.”

These all came in within hours of one another. Today she’s thanking everyone in the world, including both the Dalai Lama and Deepak Chopra. Congrats, Tara. No need to say thanks, girl, it’s implied.

August 15, 2011 at 9:30 am by Sarah

0Here’s Some American Reunion Stills!

Can you guys seriously believe that American Pie came out twelve years ago? TWELVE YEARS AGO. It was on television the other night and I happened to catch, like, the last twenty minutes of it and it took me way, way back. I was sixteen when the movie came out and it seems like it was just yesterday. Frightening, really, how fast the time has gone since 1999.

Either way, it’s pretty awesome that they’re making a reunion movie, because not only will it be fun to reminisce over with old friends, it’s giving Tara Reid and Chris Klein the only jobs they’ve had in years. You just know that’s the mark of a good movie: one that serves multiple purposes, you know?

Were the American Pie movies (well, at least the first one anyway, they all kind of sucked hard after the first one) an integral part of your adolescence, too?

July 27, 2011 at 11:30 am by Sarah