Today's Evil Beet Gossip
Steven Tyler

Best And Worst Celebrity Looks Of The Week!

Welcome back, y’all, to Best and Worst Celebrity Looks of the Week! Check out last week’s looks (or don’t, it’s your life) and then check these out and tell us who your celeb pick is for BEST, WORST, and WTF of the week!

 

Amy-Poehler

Amy Poehler never knows what length of dress to wear. She always finds one that is exactly the wrong length and cuts her off. This would be so much cuter if it was short.

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Best, Worst, And WTF Of Grammy’s Fashion

Billy Crystal, WHAT THE HELL DID YOU DO TO YOUR FACE??

Billy Crystal, WHAT THE HELL DID YOU DO TO YOUR FACE??

So The Grammys bore a new meme: Pharrell‘s hat.

pharrell-hat

Sorry, but I’m not ready for this to be a new thing.

Let’s take a look at what others wore to this craptacular awards show!

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64-year-old Steven Tyler Thinks 23-year-old Taylor Swift Is “Hot”

Ain’t shit wrong with dating someone older or younger than yourself, but there are (or should be) laws of decency when it comes to commenting on someone’s physical assets… especially when the one doing the commenting is a 64-year-old man and the person he’s talking about is a 23-year-old (possibly virginal, LOLZ) girl. Then it’s more than a little creepy. Steven Tyler does nothing if not embody that word, though, because he’s revealed that he thinks Taylor Swift is “hot” and he’d love to work with her. Oh, I bet he would.

From US Weekly:

Responding to a fun question about who he’d intern for, the 64-year-old rock legend said, “She’s blonde with all the hits. Taylor Swift. She’s hot.”

“More than that, she’s beyond talented,” he continued of the Grammy-winning singer-songwriter, 23. “I have to write a song with her.”

I love that even US Weekly has to try to frame it as a “fun question”. But there’s nothing fun about being hit on by a dude old enough to be your grandfather and this is something Steven made a habit of back on American Idol, as well. Hello, does anyone remember the whole Shannon Magrane fiasco? She was only 15 when he referred to her as “hot” in front of her dad. Tone it down, bro.

Anyway, I think luckily, this is one bit of fan mail that will be headed straight for the garbage, if you feel me.

Everyone Is Leaving American Idol Again

A photo of Jennifer Lopez and Steven Tyler

Do you remember the feeling that you had when Paula Abdul left American Idol? It was this cold, empty feeling, like your soul was just starting to realize that it would never again be whole. And there were a couple of years that sort of blurred by with Kara DioGuardi and Ellen DeGeneres, and you watched just to fill the void, but you knew that you could never feel that magical feeling that you felt before. It hurt, but you found solace in the knowledge that nothing could ever hurt as much as this. But then Simon left, and wow. Just wow. “This is it,” you thought to yourself. “This is the end. This is the place where love and hope and happiness come to die and where nothingness sets in.”

But then Jennifer Lopez and Steven Tyler joined up, and things were … ok. Their first season was all right, and their second season was better. You thought “maybe I can do this. Maybe I can open myself up again.”

WRONG.

Steven Tyler is officially gone, and here’s his glorious statement:

“After some long…hard…thoughts…I’ve decided it’s time for me to let go of my mistress ‘American Idol’ before she boils my rabbit,” said Tyler. “I strayed from my first love, AEROSMITH, and I’m back – but instead of begging on my hands and knees, I’ve got two fists in the air and I’m kicking the door open with my band. The next few years are going to be dedicated to kicking some serious ass – the ultimate in auditory takeover…On Nov. 6, we are unleashing our new album, Music from Another Dimension on the Earth, Moon, Mars, and way beyond the stars…IDOL was over-the-top fun, and I loved every minute of it…Now it’s time to bring Rock Back. ERMAHGERD.”

ERMAHGERD, CLASSIC.  I’m going to miss that crazy, creepy son of a bitch.

Jennifer Lopez, meanwhile, has been hinting at her departure from Idol for a few months now. She was on the Today show yesterday though, and it sounds like she should be making an official announcement any day now:

“I’ve loved it so much. I’ve enjoyed the show so much. I enjoy just the whole process of the show … It’s a tough decision either way, but I have to say there are so many things I do that I put on hold for that,” Lopez, 42, said. “It’s a heartbreaking decision if I have to go.”

She also said that while she loves everyone on the show,  “I am thinking it’s time for me to go and do other things I love to do.”

There’s also been talk that poor Randy will be let go so that Idol can have a completely fresh start. Possible ideas for new judges include Charlie Sheen, Adam Lambert, Miley Cyrus, Katy Perry, Nicki Minaj, will.i.am., and Fergie. Katy Perry has already turned the job down, but Charlie Sheen told TMZ that he would be down if the price was right and if he new show, Anger Management said it was ok.

So who’s looking forward to this next season, huh?

Watch This: Steven Tyler Does The National Anthem

Oh, and what a job he does, my friends. What a job he does.

As you watch the video (or as you watch the video again, I don’t know what order you do things in), be sure to note a few things. Check out how every single person has the same reaction of “what the actual f*ck is happening to my ears right now?” and how so many people don’t hold their hands against their hearts during the song, which I thought was a requirement of being a U.S. citizen, simply because their brains just can’t compute the horror of this performance. Observe Steven Tyler‘s choice in clothing, namely the sparkly, sequined Patriots scarf. Note how he so subtly changes the lyrics to sing about what happened “as bomb bursting in air.” What a truly remarkable performance indeed.

Really though, we have to give Steven Tyler here some credit where credit is due. With all the awful stories that I had to tell you this weekend, with all the sadness in the world, Steven Tyler brings some fun to the table. You can’t stay sad when there’s some geriatric dude rocking some sequins, and for that, I’ll be eternally grateful.

Steven Tyler, Alice Cooper and … Weird Al? Teamed Up for an Impromptu New Year’s Performance

So, the main thing that resonates with me after watching this video? MAD. AWKWARD. Let’s break it down, shall we? Steven Tyler is the diva-est of the male stage divas, rubbing his tits and running his hands through his hair plugs, waving his wasted little arms around and singing into everyone else’s microphone because there’s gotta be a little bit of Steven Tyler all over the f-cking place. And OF COURSE he’s got to table dance at the end of the performance, humping the air and making the white-guys-can’t-dance face. Dear God.

Then you have Weird Al who’s doing the death metal version of ‘Come Together’, and trying to out-do Steven Tyler in over-the-top-ness. And he almost succeeds, because through most of the clip, I can’t watch anything but him.

Finally, Alice Cooper is unsure of the lyrics to one of the greatest songs ever written, and claps along to the music like he’s f-cking Barney or something. Poor Alice Cooper. He’d probably kill himself twenty years ago if you told him what he’d be doing in twenty years and with whom.

So, OK. In short, I’m not saying that I’d be, like, complaining or anything if I walked into some random bar and these three dudes were performing (because come on, who would?) but I stick to my original assertions that the whole thing was painfully, madly awkward. Cool as shit, yes, but awks, seriously.

Did Steven Tyler Just Buy a House? And More Importantly, Is Steven Tyler Already Married?!

Photo: Steven Tyler and Erin Brady at a ritual officiated by Kahu Alalani Hill

Everyone is pretty sure Steven Tyler proposed to his girlfriend in Hawaii; new photos published by TMZ, however, have fanned the rumor that the couple is already married.

The photos show Tyler and longtime girlfriend Erin Brady involved in some sort of “house blessing” ritual, which, OK, these photos don’t really substantiate anything. Except…. Wait! Wait just one doggone minute! DID STEVEN TYLER BUY A HOUSE IN HAWAII?! I mean, he’s standing right there with some kahu (yes, as in the word “kahuna,” as in the gal in the hoop earrings and head-wreath), watching the pomaika’i take place.

More about “house blessing” ceremonies:

A traditional Hawaiian custom is the blessing of a new home or residence. New homes and newly acquired homes are blessed to bring peace, love, and harmony to the new family.

Hmmm. Hmmmmmmmmmm. So it isn’t unreasonable to speculate about this couple, then.

Neither is it unreasonable to guess that Erin Brady is already Tyler’s wife—after all, as I mentioned a couple days ago, Tyler’s family has been opposed to their union from the get-go. What’s more, a lot of Hawaiian priests are also able to officiate weddings. AND WHAT’S EVEN MORE, REVEREND ALALANI HILL—who, I have just determined, is the lady with the hoop earrings—specializes in MAUI BEACH WEDDINGS. Whoa, right?

Wow! Maybe this couple really is sneaking around Hawaii—buying houses, surreptitiously getting married, maybe adopting some dogs, getting IVF, the whole bit. Boy am I glad Steven Tyler isn’t vegetarian. After the blessing rituals, I bet he can take his bride to the nearest L&L for some (delicious!) spam musubi. Yum.