Well, sort of, anyway. She’s wearing a sheer top in which you can see some pretty serious nip, and she’s wearing white cotton panties to match.

Have you ever seen Sofia Vergara’s boobs? No? Then shut up and enjoy. Don’t start bitchin’ that there’s no crotch shots available, because damn. DON’T BE SO GREEDY.

Jump in for the uncensored nudity-nude-nude-nuderson.

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Sofia Vergara is so hot, you know? She’s just magnetic. And if this interview is any indication, it’s because she’s Latina. Yes, not because she’s a woman, and not because she’s got a fiery personality and a humor as sharp as the crack of a whip. No, it’s because she’s from South America, and apparently all South American women are as combustible, attractive, sultry, full-figured, and inspired as Sofia, and that’s apparently why Ryan Gosling is wasting his time with Eva Mendes. It’s because there’s more than meets the eye, and I can’t necessarily negate that (I know, I had a hard time accepting this, too).

Check out some highlights of the interview and jump in for the rest of the photos from the shoot – if you can handle getting through it all, anyway.

On getting wicked mad and then getting over it five minutes later:

The first time it happened, he [my boyfriend] thought, This woman is insane. One time I was screaming with my sister. Then the next day, I told him I was having lunch with her. He said, “How? You were just fighting with her!” … I’m, like, bipolar. … I didn’t even realize it was weird or insane until I came here. It’s not out of the ordinary where I come from. Everybody’s like that. It’s better that way. You forget about what’s bothering you. It’s not like you’re holding it inside, you know? You get it out — and it’s over with.

What the sound level is like in a Latina’s home:

Oh, yeah. We’re very loud. Ed O’Neill tells a funny story: When we were shooting one of the first episodes of Modern Family, our trailers were connected. So if I’m in my trailer screaming on the phone, he can hear me perfectly. I was having one of those “Oh, my God!” conversations with one of my cousins for twenty minutes. As soon as it ended, there’s a knock on the door. It’s Ed. “Sofia, are you okay?” I’m like, “What do you mean?” “I thought maybe you were crying or having a heart attack or something.” “Oh, no. I was just on the phone with my cousin. We were talking about someone else.”

On how the partners of Latinas should just back off and let their women be sexy:

If a Latina falls in love with someone who is insecure, it can be a nightmare. I’ve had girlfriends who’ve been with really jealous guys, and it’s like they’re never enjoying you. You’re at a party and they’re just watching your every move. Then they’ll come over and say, “Why were you talking so closely to that guy? Put your skirt down!” Look, if you’re sexy, if you like dressing sexy, you’re not doing anything more than feeling beautiful. A Latina just wants to walk into a place and feel great. Somebody is going to turn around and look. So a Latina better find a guy who understands that, even appreciates it, because it’s a compliment.

And then what it’s like if a Latina’s partner checks out another woman who’s just as sexy:

That is a completely different thing. He can look, and then turn around. But not like this — Ohhhh! Sometimes the guy is looking …

Jump in for the rest!

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It’s just the US edition, though, and not the UK edition like Drew Barrymore appeared on this month.

Sofia Vergara has got to be one of the hottest series stars going today, unless you count Adrien Brody, but then, he’s not in any television series currently, so I guess we’ll have to rule him out for now.

And just when you thought she was just another pretty face, you find out that she can’t do math. Like, at all. She counts on her fingers. And you know how I feel about that? I f-cking love it. Because *I* can’t do math either. *I*, too, count on my fingers. Here’s what Sofia had to say about those g-ddamned numbers I hate so much:

“I always hated Math. The moment I run out of fingers, I can’t count anymore.”

No joke, the instant I read that quote I knew I was in for a gem of an interview, and guys, Sofia delivered. She’s got such a delightful, real personality.

Sofia on growing up:

“I grew up watching my mother do her makeup. It would be 7 AM, and she would be putting in hot rollers to take us to school. For us, that’s normal!”

On her idea of a perfect date:

“A great date? Dinner and a movie. Or sports, watched in the venue, not on TV. No canoes. No water. Nothing to mess up the hair.”

On striving to achieve more:

“I’ve lived a life full of things I never thought I could achieve. It takes effort and sacrifice, but why not risk trying to be better.”

On her guilty pleasure when it comes to television shows:

“I watch ‘Revenge.’ It’s a soap opera but so classy – and everyone is beautiful.”

So. Is anyone surprised that she’s got issues with her hair?

It’s that special, special time of year again when AskMen releases their top 99 hot women of the year, and this year, the list was especially exceptional, especially their top 10. Some of the picks were obvious, some questionable, but all in all, at the end of the day, it was all done to support the industry that we love so much: sex entertainment.

Slots ten through six included Candice Swanepoel, Rihanna, Kim Kardashian, Scarlett Johansson, and Emma Stone. Candice I just didn’t get – though she’s a Victoria’s Secret Angel, she’s quite average-looking if you ask me. As for Rihanna and Kim Kardashian, ugh. Those two are so played out that it’s hard to even decide if they’re still hot after all of the BS that they’ve pulled over the past few years. Scarlett Johansson has been a staple on this sort of list for years now, and there’s no doubt that Emma Stone is one hot-bitch-on-the-rise who probably deserves to be higher than the number six spot. Or, you know, not. Depending on who you ask. Because the top five were almost complete head-scratchers, with the exception of number one. Let’s review, shall we?

#5 – Nicki Minaj. Nicki Minaj. What? Higher-ranked than Scarlett Johansson? What’s the world coming to? Apparently many of today’s men can appreciate plastic appendages, because Minaj is one of the biggest offenders – no pun intended. Why AskMen chose Nicki:

“… It’s not often you find a female emcee whose looks are as infectious as her rhymes.”

#4 – Miranda Kerr. So this one makes some sense. She’s pretty, she bounced right back after having her baby last year, and she’s married to Orlando Bloom. I mean, I know some perfectly hetero men who have a man-crush on Orlando Bloom, and there’s nothing wrong with that. I’m pretty sure I have a lady-crush on Miranda, so it all works out. Why AskMen chose Miranda:

“This elegant Aussie has dimples we could get lost in and never want to come out of.”

#3 – Rooney Mara. This one I just do not get. Rooney Mara is pretty and sweet and soft-looking (when she’s not rocking bondage and facial piercings and bangs trauma), and she’s tons prettier than her sister, Kate, but number three? Who’d the girl with the dragon tattoo pay to get in that slot? Why AskMen chose Rooney:

“… Punks everywhere officially found their new pin-up girl.”

#2 – Kate Upton. It’s really not surprising, having the obligatory busty Sports Illustrated blonde in the top five. I think it’s somewhere in the contractual wording when these kinds of lists get churned out. This year it’s Kate Upton, who has big boobs. And who did the Dougie in 2011. Why AskMen chose Kate:

“Upton’s classically curvy body and face full of girlish charm make her an easy choice as a breakout model.”

#1 – Sofia Vergara. This one’s an easy choice. She’s hot, she’s funny, and she’s – above all – likable. Plus, she’s not cookie-cutter nineteen-year-old Hollywood, and that probably appealed to a lot of the editors over at AskMen. Why AskMen chose Sofia:

“Vergara shows off the best cleavage on network TV, and we’ve never been more jealous of Ed O’Neill. But despite her obvious assets, Vergara’s also one very funny woman, lampooning stereotypes with her perfect timing.”

Do you guys think this top five is THE top five of 2012? I’ll admit – most of it’s got me wondering who the hell compiled this list.

You guys know – you guys know – how much Lea Michelle generally unnerves me and doesn’t do a whole lot that I think is talk-worthy or even think-worthy, but when push comes to shove and it’s time to give credit where credit is due, I have to begrudgingly admit that Lea Michele was, by far, the best dressed at the 2012 Screen Actors Guild Awards. Best. The dress is a perfect cut for her, the shoes are totally enviable (if they just … fit her a little bit better), and the hair is the ultimate compliment to the tightly-bound dress. The accessories topped it all off. I couldn’t have chosen a better look if I even knew what I was talking about. Really.

Other honorable mentions of the evening include Jessica Lange, who, at 62, blows away 95% of the fashion competition with her sparkly black dress and understated makeup (though she definitely could have left the black satin clogs or whatever they are in the back of her closet where they belong); Kaley Cuoco, who, I wasn’t sure at first whether or not I loved or hated the dress because it kind of reminded me of an exotic bird of prey, but I then succumbed to the general awesomeness that is all soft and tissue-like and pretty; Tilda Swinton, who could wear a black garbage bag (with yellow ties) and still look sophisticated and untouchable and never, ever dated; and Sofia Vergara, who should almost always be at the top of every awards ceremony ‘best dressed’ list just because of that body. And her choice of color, I suppose, too.

Who takes the best?

… But she still makes me think “millennium’s answer to Fran Drescher,” so I can’t really take her too seriously from the lower lip up. I half-expect her to wail “Mistuh Sheffield?!?” while wringing her hands and walking around awkwardly on ugly high-heeled shoes and that’s not a pleasant vision.

She sure does look pretty, though, huh?