“For what?”

Grey’s Anatomy regular contributor Eric Dane, after an E! news reporter informed him that absentee co-star, Katherine Heigl, had submitted her name for a Best Supporting Actress Emmy.

(Photos are of Eric and wife Rebecca Gayheart at the Chrysalis Butterfly Ball on June 5.)

The happy and third-party-friendly couple are about to make news for something other than a videotaped make-out sesh with a sex addict. They finally officially announced Rebecca’s pregnancy, and word is she’s having a girl! Congrats to the family!

I want to take this opportunity to clear up something.  Some of you thought I was mean-spirited in criticizing a pregnant Rebecca Gayheart for smoking.  Hey, if looking out for a helpless individual who can’t speak for themselves makes me mean, too bad.  When I was pregnant, I craved a bottle of red wine like Michael Lohan craves getting a mention on Page Six.  Sometimes you just have to put an unborn child first.  And, you know, she killed someone.  So she has a responsibility to do better and you can bet your bippy that I’m not going to feel bad about holding that viewpoint.  Now, INF and Huffington Post have reported that RG is preggo.  If, in fact, she’s just retaining water, I apologize to her pooch.  More importantly, can we now talk about how Eric Dane and Smokestack Gayheart are suing Gawker?

The couple filed suit against Gawker in L.A. County Superior Court today in response to the website’s decision to publish a four-minute clip of their ridiculous non-sex tape.  Through their lawyer, they are seeking more than $1M in damages as well as an injunction against the video.

Gawker’s publisher Nick Denton responded on Twitter:  “To quote the great Marty Singer — Eric Dane’s lawyer — if you don’t want a sex tape on the internet, “don’t make one!”

Dear Mom,

You’ve been in the news quite a bit lately considering your biggest claim to fame is being the Noxema girl.  It all started a few years ago when you hit and killed a 9 year old and never served any time.  You were lucky, especially considering the fact that your cell phone was the cause of your distraction.  More recently, some really boring (non) sex tape was released.  I hope to never see you and Dad like that again.  Traumatizing!  And now, you are anticipating my arrival into the world in just a few short months.

I’m not just writing to catch up.  There’s a reason for my letter.  I know that accidents happen, and I don’t believe that you intended to kill little Jorge Cruz, Jr., but you did.  Therefore, the rest of your life should be about you dedicating yourself to doing good for others.  You cannot replace him, but there are so many great things you can do to make this world a better place in his memory.

For example, I want you to respect life, especially mine.  I’m here and trying to grow my major organ systems and I have high hopes for my brain development, but some days it’s really hard to breathe.  Please, stop smoking so I’ll have a chance at a healthy birth weight, fully developed lungs and an asthma-free life.  I am your second chance.  Don’t fuck it up.

Love,

Fetus

Remember Mindy McCready?  All the media outlets are calling her a “troubled country singer”.  At what point do you lose the title of “singer”?  Like, is there a time frame, or is it one of those things where if you ever sang you get to be called a singer?  Because, if that’s the case, I am a singer.  

Anyway, she’s kinda, sorta involved in that whole mess with the Eric Dane and Rebecca Gayheart non-sex tape.  Mindy is on the upcoming season of Celebrity Rehab along with the third participant in the video, Kari Ann Peniche.  Peniche is accusing Mindy of stealing the video whilst they were roomies at rehab and leaking it onto the Internet — a theory which makes no sense considering those rehab people check everything including body cavities when you are admitted.  You aren’t allowed to bring porn or computers and cell phone access is limited, so how did Peniche bring her boring porn to rehab?

McCready has fired back at the accusations through an Access Hollywood interview saying,”I did not want to be dragged into all this. I did not want to be a part of this.  She is evil personified, she is evil in human form. She will hurt anyone she can to make money.”

Is there any chance that the producers at VH1 got a hold of this tape and leaked it?  Because right now, this Battle of the Irrelevants is the only motivating force behind me watching this upcoming season of Celebrity Rehab.

Eric Dane and Rebecca Gayheart were seen at their house and out on the streets of L.A. this weekend and they were actually wearing clothes!  They look so serious — why?  Isn’t a sex tape — or in their case a really boring “Let’s Talk About Sex But Not Actually Have It” tape — a career must-have?

Rebecca looks like she’s going through the worst time of her life.  You’d think that after she mowed down a nine-year-old, any other scandal she would could face would be easy breezy.

I don’t know about you, but for the rest of my life I’ll always associate these two with sitting in a bathtub.