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Paris Hilton

8Don’t Worry, Paris Hilton Is Still An Idiot

A photo of Paris Hilton

It’s not that I think any of you have actually been worried about this, it’s just that we don’t hear all that much about Paris Hilton these days, and I don’t want you to think that it’s because she’s gotten older and wiser or anything like that. Nope, she’s still a total jackass, it’s just that no one cares enough to document every example of it anymore.

But this time is different. This time, Paris Hilton said something really dumb and offensive, and there’s a recording of it. To set the scene, this conversation took place while Paris was riding in a cab with a friend. Her friend, a gay dude, was telling her all about Grindr. Here’s his explanation:

“Say I log into Grindr, someone that’s on Grindr can be in that building and it tells you all the locations of where they are and you can be like, ‘Yo, you wanna f-ck?’ and he might be on like, the sixth floor.”

And Paris’ response:

“Ewww. Eww. To get f-cked? Gay guys are the horniest people in the world. They’re disgusting. Dude, most of them probably have AIDS.  I would be so scared if I were a gay guy. You’ll like, die of AIDS.”

Oh, for sure. Statistically speaking, about 98% of all gay men die from AIDS. The other 2% die from like accidents and other illnesses and stuff, but they all had AIDS too. It’s because every single gay man who ever existed has sex at least three times a day, and never with the same person, and never with a condom. Except none of that is even remotely true, and Paris Hilton can just go suck an egg for being a moronic c-nt. GOD.

And just so we can continue the moronic c-nt parade, here a statement Paris’ rep just released:

“Paris Hilton’s comments were to express that it is dangerous for anyone to have unprotected sex that could lead to a life threatening disease. The conversation became heated, after a close gay friend told her in a cab ride, a story about a gay man who has AIDS and is knowingly having unprotected sex. He also discussed a website that encourages random sex by gay men with strangers. As she was being shown the website her comments were in reference to those people promoting themselves on the site. The cab driver who recorded this, only provided a portion of the conversation. It was not her intent to make any derogatory comments about all gays. Paris Hilton is a huge supporter of the gay community and would never purposefully make any negative statements about anyone’s sexual orientation.”

Yes, there are some people who have AIDS and still have unprotected sex, and yes, the cab driver probably didn’t post every single sentence that Paris Hilton and her friend, uttered, but look. Paris Hilton, without a doubt, said what she said, and it’s not like she doesn’t have a record of being an offensive, ignorant asshole. It’s just like, Paris, if you have a redeeming quality, maybe you should have shown it at some point in the past 31 years.

September 20, 2012 at 10:30 am by Emily
Filed Under: Paris Hilton

3Lindsay Lohan is Totally Afraid of Paris Hilton

photo of lindsay lohan and paris hilton pictures hot pic
But before I get into that one, can we talk about this picture for a second? Because Lindsay Lohan and Paris Hilton are actually … well, they’re kind of … OK, alright; they’re actually kind of hot in this picture. Like, people would probably go to bed with the two of them at the same time if they both still actually looked like this. Moreover, they look clean. The two of them. Together! Amazing what drugs and poor sexual choices can do to a girl, huh?

But here’s the latest on Lindsay Lohan and Paris Hilton, and how Lindsay “freaked out” when she saw Paris at their mutual friend Lady Gaga‘s new perfume launch for ‘Fame’.

From Page Six:

Lindsay Lohan came face to face with old frenemy Paris Hilton and freaked out at a high-profile fashion bash, as their long-running feud continues to burn.

Lohan, who is working hard to put her troubled past behind her, arrived in New York from the Atlanta set of “Scary Movie 5” in which she acts opposite Charlie Sheen and makes fun of her hard-partying, train-wreck past, including an incident last year when she was accused of stealing a necklace from an LA jewelry store.

But “Lindsay wound up looking at [the ‘Scary Movie’ cameo] as a way to complete a phase of her life and move on,” a source said. After desperately trying to get out of the shoot, she filmed the role without any additional drama Wednesday.

But when Lohan arrived at Lady Gaga’s masked ball Thursday night at the Guggenheim Museum, she flipped when she saw her old party-pal-turned-archrival Hilton.

“Lindsay freaked out when she saw Paris,” said a spy. “Neither knew the other would be there. And when Lindsay first saw Paris, she just stepped back with these big eyes. She was shaking her head and kept repeating, ‘No, no, I can’t.’ ”

The once-tight pair had a falling out back in 2006 over the infamous incident when foul-mouthed oil heir Brandon Davis branded the “Mean Girls” star “Firecrotch,” with Hilton egging him on.

At the Gaga event, which launched the singer’s new fragrance, Fame, “Lindsay refused to get her picture taken with Paris,” a source said. “But eventually she calmed down.”

While Lohan arrived at the event “very quietly,” Hilton “marched in and tried to push her way through the crowd to Gaga,” only to turn around when she realized no one was moving out of her way when she wanted to get to the singer.

Lohan later received a hug from Gaga, whom she’d bonded with over the summer during a sleepover at the Chateau Marmont in LA. Page Six exclusively reported that Gaga’s planning to cast Lohan in her first video from her upcoming album, “Artpop.”

Oh, so it’s another classic “I’m too good for this kind of trash” Lindsay Lohan-type moment, right? Because sad as it is to say, I’d be much, much more keen to root for Paris Hilton against Lindsay Lohan these days, especially if we’re talking “who’s dirtier,” I’m sorry.

So, back then—who’d you rather?

View Results

And who now? Just saying, this is Lindsay from the Fame launch:

photo of lindsay lohan at fame launch pictures
And dear, darling Paris at the very same event:

photo of paris hilton at fame lady gaga launch pic

View Results
September 17, 2012 at 3:30 pm by Sarah

8Quotables: Samantha Ronson Thinks Paris Hilton’s a Crap DJ

photo of sam ronson pictures dj photo

“That sh*t with [Paris]. It’s like, c’mon man. She’s tried everything now. Just put some quality behind the sh*t that you do. Put some effort into it. [She should try to] be an actual DJ. If you’re just like, oh I want to figure out how I can make more money this week, it insults the people that work really hard at it. … It’s like me calling myself a doctor from reading WebMD twice.”

Samantha Ronson on the musical abomination known as Paris Hilton DJ-ing.

For once, did you ever think that you’d be in agreement with anything that came out of Samantha Ronson’s mouth? She did, after all, hang out with Lindsay Lohan for the longest time and God only knows what went *into* her mouth during that time. I shudder to think.

But the bottom line is that Samantha Ronson is a thousand percent correct. Paris Hilton is a crap DJ. But if you needed Samantha Ronson to tell you that, then you were in a much worse way than I thought, guys.

July 9, 2012 at 7:30 am by Sarah

2Paris Hilton Got Knocked Down in a Fight

photo of paris hilton paparazzi fight pictures
For those of you who didn’t even know that Paris Hilton was in this series of photos, I know. I had to check a couple times, too. And for those of you who couldn’t take your eyes off her pallid granny ass, I commend you. Some people are really good at self-punishment and doing things like looking at the sun for an hour without blinking, and that’s cool because it’s your talent. I give you props.

TMZ claims that Paris Hilton was involved in a parking garage scuffle where a paparazzi attempted to take some pictures of Paris and her friend, the icky Brandon Davis, while they were exiting the building, and instead of the photographer taking off with his tail between his legs, he struck out and tried to blast one of Paris’s people with his camera. I love this. From TMZ:

Hilton was leaving the new Bootsy Bellows nightclub on Sunset Blvd. with her old pal Brandon Davis and some other friends … when a man in their group tried to pry a photog’s camera out of his hands. An eyewitness tells us the photog tried to hit the dude with his camera.

During the struggle, Hilton — wearing a tiny blue dress — was knocked into a wall. She appeared to be OK … and eventually left the parking structure.

And what a set of photos they got. I don’t even need to clarify.

I mean, what about this photo right here:

photo of paris hilton paparazzi fight pictures
And this one:

photo of paris hilton paparazzi fight pictures
Is Brandon Davis such a c-nt that he can’t even *try* to help his friend up off the ground? I know that Paris Hilton is a twastic parasite and all, but even twastic parasites sometimes need help being peeled off the filthy floor from whence they came.

He’s a winner, folks.

Images courtesy of TMZ

June 27, 2012 at 10:30 am by Sarah
Filed Under: Paris Hilton

4Oh, Paris Hilton is a DJ Now, By the Way

Oh, what’s that? You didn’t know? Sorry about that; my bad. I know it’s my job to keep you guys abreast of the latest developments when it comes to C- and D-list celebrities doing dumb shit. I apologize profusely, and I hope you can begin the sometimes-slow process of forgiveness.

From Us magazine:

At the Pop Music Festival in Sao Paulo, Brazil on Saturday, electronic music junkie Paris Hilton took to the decks for her debut DJ appearance.

Dressed in a sexy black embellished bodysuit complete with matching gloves and thigh-high stockings designed by The Blondes, she started off her set with mashups of well-known hits including Rihanna’s “We Found Love,” Deadmau5′s “Some Chords” and Avicii’s “Levels.”

Despite getting slammed for her set over Twitter and booed during her on-stage appearance, there’s no doubt that Hilton, 31, learned how to spin like a pro from her longtime friend Afrojack, a Dutch music producer and DJ known for his hits “Take Over Control” and Pitbull’s “Give Me Everything” featuring Ne-Yo and Nayer.

Oh boy. Isn’t all that just great? But wait! It gets better! I have stuff for you that’s sure to redeem me! Here’s an official photo of Paris Hilton DEEJAYING:

photo of paris hilton dj pictures
I know, my friends. I know. That was bad. Which is why I’m going to give you ANOTHER:

photo of paris hilton dj pictures
I’m … I just … I have no words. None.

June 26, 2012 at 4:30 pm by Sarah
Filed Under: Paris Hilton

4Paris Hilton, Lindsay Lohan and Brandon “Greasy Bear” Davis Partying Again, Police Called

photo of brandon davis and paris hilton pictures
Remember those days? Back in 2009, I believe it was, when Brandon Davis was boinking both Paris Hilton and Lindsay Lohan (oh, and Miranda Kerr and Avril Lavigne) and everyone thought he was the hotness and by “everyone” I mean “those who were on some pretty serious drugs at the time? Because it appears that a trifecta of terror emerged this past weekend from a party that cops raided at 7 AM. Because of a noise complaint. Who phones in a noise complaint at 7 in the damn morning? I mean, I’m not defending these assholes or anything because it’s like, come on—you’re how old and you’re partying ’til the wee hours of the morning in California? And not even in some fabulously awesome place like Tahiti or Cannes or whatever? The cops came to your house party? Please. But seriously, why even bother calling the cops about noise at 7 in the morning. I know there’s probably noise ordinances and what not to adhere to, but why even bother for the sake of another hour of quietude?

Anyway. Brandon and Paris, if you remember, notoriously dubbed Lindsay “Firecrotch” back in 2006, but apparently there’s no lost love since they’re partying like it’s … well, 2006. Super.

May 18, 2012 at 5:30 pm by Sarah