I think about Paris Hilton sometimes. Is that weird? I don’t know, it’s just sometimes my mind wanders, like when I’m trying to fall asleep and Vincent Price’s voice just isn’t doing it for me (because, ok, I’m like an old lady who likes to put on the television “for some company,” I don’t usually enjoy absolute silence. For the past two months, The Last Man on Earth has been the go-to movie for bedtime. Well, The Last Man on Earth and Lucas. But ANYWAY). Sometimes I think about my plans for the next day, sometimes I brainstorm costumes to make for my little guinea pig, sometimes I think things like “gee, I wonder what Courtney Stodden is doing right now? And you guys, it never occurred to me in a million years, in all of my days, that Paris Hilton would ever be able to dye her hair.
I almost called Paris “the quintessential blonde,” that’s how much I thought that hair was a part of her. Paris Hilton’s constants are her arrogance, her stupidity, and them golden locks.
But no. Paris thinks it’s all right to change the rules. But you know what? I don’t think it looks half bad. Granted, there’s not a single photo of her without the sunglasses – our photo agency has three different sets of photos of her from three different locations, from day to night, and always with the sunglasses – but she looks pretty good, right? I mean, for her.
Oh, and here’s some bonus Paris news: she claims in a new interview with FHM UK that her fragrances have made more than $1.3 billion since 2005. That’s 1.3 billion dollars. From perfume. I might be even more appalled than I already am (and trust me, I’m way appalled), but for Christmas I got some of her perfume and it actually smelled pretty nice. It was really subtle, which was a shock because I think that I was under the impression that Paris’ perfume would smell more like dirty vaginas and shame.
But wait! I have even MORE Paris news for you, and this one you’re really going to love! She’s getting back into music!
“I have a huge passion for house music,” Hilton tells FHM UK. “I just haven’t been able to focus on it, because I have been doing reality TV for so long now. I’ve been working on the album with lots of other top DJs for a while now and I think people will be really surprised. It’s very modern and very catchy; perfect party music.”
“There are just so many great DJs right now,” Hilton adds. “And I should know — I’ve been to over 100 raves in the past year, so I’ve heard every type of music.”
So, friends, it looks like despite all of our fondest wishes and dreams, Paris Hilton might be making a comeback in 2012. I’m sorry that I had to be the bearer of bad news here, but hey, you had to here it somewhere. Just don’t shoot the messenger, please. It’s early and I’m still a little preoccupied by wondering what Courtney Stodden’s up to right now.