Today's Evil Beet Gossip
Miley Cyrus

Aww, Something’s Wrong in Miley-ville

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So I’m really, really sick today, and I hate it. I never get sick. Seriously, I’m sick once, maybe, in a three- or four-year period. I’m talking chills, a sore, dry throat, and that nagging cough that won’t go away—the whole shebang. So awesome, right? Naturally, I’m going to be pretty much to the point on this one: Miley Cyrus is about to derail. De-RAIL.

Have you been paying attention to Miley’s Twitter over the last day or so? Because it seems like she-of-the-short-hair has run into some emotional troubles that totally don’t point to trouble in paradise (how do I know? Miley said so herself when one of her Tweets read “& there is no trouble in paradise…. just thoughts). Nope, not at all. Here’s what Miley’s been saying:

ever feel like you want just…. something more. not sure what exactly…. passion perhaps?

sometimes i feel like i love everyone more than they love me. hatttte that feeling.

Thought of the day: maybe it’s not that they love you less, they just love you the most they are capable of loving.

& there is no trouble in paradise…. just thoughts.

And a whole three hours later, Miley talked about sharing “quality” time with her fiance:

having some quality fiance time. just what i needed.

There’s definitely, definitely something amiss in Miley’s world. Because just the day before, she was Tweeting things like this:

lifes been so good lately. awesome fam time today w my mom and brother, making doppppe music, chillin w my mates in town ? thank u universe

So … I don’t know. Is it good? Does it suck? Do you love it and hate it at the same time? Do things just change that rapidly in Miley-world? I dunno, guys. But I think maybe someone should start paying a little more attention to the subtext, there.

Miley Cyrus Wants Us to Know She Still Loves That Dang Ol’ Hair Of Hers

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Guys! Look! Miley Cyrus has finally moved on from those pesky self-portraits of that dang ol’ hair and onto professionally taken photos of that dang ol’ hair!

I don’t know about you, but Miley’s hair’s really, really growing on me a lot these days. And I think it’s finally growing on her, too. Seriously. I think she might actually be starting to like it finally.

Love It or Leave It: Miley Cyrus’s VMA Get-Up

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So this is what Miley Cyrus wore—and did—at last night’s VMAs. Did you guys watch the VMAs? Did you, too, think they were pretty much a big, old bust? Because they were. They were so, so bad. And all of that One Direction business (sorry, this would be twice), I just didn’t even know what to do about it all. It was pretty bad, and Taylor Swift wrapping the entire show up just about topped it all off for me (doubtless we’ll talk about that later, too).

But moving on to more important things, Miley Cyrus’s helter-skelter, devil-may-care appearance at the VMAs—what do you guys think of Miley’s VMA ‘do?

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So Miley’s Going to Be on Two and a Half Men Now, I Guess

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Straight from the Huff Po:

Miley Cyrus is headed to “Two And A Half Men.”

The singer/actress has landed a two-episode arc on the CBS series as Missi, a girl Jake (Angus T. Jones) falls for when he comes back from the army.

The news was first reported earlier in August by Life of the Rich and Famous, which revealed that Cyrus would play a “hot new local in town that’s dating soon-to-be-legal Jake Harper (Angus T. Jones)” and that Walden Schmidt (Ashton Kutcher) will develop a “massive crush” on Cyrus’ character. No word from CBS if the latter part is true.

Oh man, how old am I getting that Miley Cyrus is playing the love interest to the KID on Two and a Half Men and not Ashton Kutcher? Holy crow.

Wonder what girlfriend’s BFF Charlie Sheen has to say about all of this f-ckery.

Anyone else think this is just plain old “CUHHH-RAZY“?

Evan Rachel Wood Says Miley Cyrus Has Lesbian Hair

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Because of course she did. This is what Evan Rachel Wood does—alienate people and perpetuate stereotypes (no, I don’t know if that’s what she really does as in she makes a habit of it, but that’s what she did this time, and it was pretty f-cking rude if you ask me). This is what ERW had to say on Twitter about Miley’s recent hair-chopping endeavor:

“I called it! Miley Cyrus is leaning toward gay.”

Of course, people predictably freaked out and said all sorts of things about Evan Rachel Wood and about the pot calling the kettle a lesbian or whatever else, and naturally, Evan went back to the Twitterverse and claimed that—of course, duh—people took her all wrong and that she was just kidding about the whole thing:

Ok. To be clear. I believe you should be able to joke and have a sense of humour about everything. And I hate explaining, but just to be clear, I don’t judge people on how they look. Nor do I associate a hair style with sexuality.

And then, this:

I myself am bisexual and have always ‘joked’ about Miley giving me gay vibes. Not a bad thing! Just an observation. So I ‘joked’ when she cut her hair that it supported my case. But, I am not so close minded or into stereotypes or labeling. It was a joke.

(Yes, funny joke—let’s say that someone’s of a particular sexual persuasion one way or the other BECAUSE HAIR. Come on. I have short hair. I’m not a lesbian. OR AM I, EVAN RACHEL WOOD?)

Cripes. And after all was said and done, ERW concluded with this gem:

I could (not) care less what gender she was attracted to. But don’t hate me for supporting her in whatever she chooses. It’s all fine by me.

Miley then supposedly followed Evan on Twitter, and Evan took that as a sign that Miley probably wanted to hook up (or not; maybe she’s kidding about it). Oh, and that it’s pretty much in our eye if we were offended that Evan would *jokingly* classify Miley as a lady-lover because she’s got short hair:

Now Miley Cyrus and I are friends. Let this be a lesson to all of you.

I dunno, guys. I’d say “Once an idiot, always an idiot,” but I think I’d be wasting my breath, because really, to say that would be redundant, and honestly, kind of a moot point as it were.

What a pain in the ass.

Ooh! It’s a New Miley Cyrus Song, Y’All!

Well, it’s not a real Miley Cyrus song, it’s more of a hot mess called ‘Decisions’, and it features someone called Borgore, who … well, he isn’t really all that talented, if we can be frank. It’s f-cking awful.

Borgore is an Israeli producer, and he’s heavy into dub-step, in case you couldn’t tell by the track. And? If we can take all of the crappy music away from this guy and just call him by his first name, Asaf, we can give him credit for one thing—for being pretty damn hot. This is Asaf Borgor, better known as ‘Borgore’:

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Right?

Anyway, so does this mean Miley’s music career is over? Because really, once you cross over into Electronica, you can pretty much put up a sign saying, “Porn star for hire.” Just ask Paris Hilton. She’s got an entire DJ-ing catalog full of failed attempts at music.

Who’s with me when I say, “I want a video for this shit”? Because I want a video for this shit.

Let’s Check in on Miley’s New Hair, Shall We?

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Yup, it’s still the same. And I’m really, really liking it. And I’m so glad she stopped borrowing Christina Aguilera‘s ‘Herpe Red’ lipstick, because it was honestly doing nothing for her (except making it look like she has a raging case of VD).

This is Miley, driving around with a friend in Philadelphia, where she’s more or less been anchored since her fiancé, Liam Hemsworth, started filming his latest movie, Paranoia, and if you think it’s a funny thing that Miley’s not left Liam’s side whilst filming happens, then you’re not the only one. ‘Paranoia’ indeed, you know?

Incidentally, when checking out the background on this Paranoia movie (it’s not great—here’s the official from IMDB: “A boss blackmails one of his young employees to spy on a rival company.” See?), I also noticed that he’s in pre-production for Arabian Nights, wherein he plays the character of Ali Baba. Which is like casting this guy in the role of Jesus Christ in a major motion picture or, you know, anywhere.

Whatever. Miley‘s hair! Still lookin’ good, gurrrrl!

Images courtesy of Socialite Life—check ‘em out for more!