It’s been nearly two years since we were graced with all those recordings that let us in on the private life of Mel Gibson, but I know we all remember it like it was yesterday. It’s not every day that you hear Mel Gibson violently screaming at someone to blow him (or at least it wasn’t until that fateful summer of 2010). The memories of Mel’s terrifying rants will surely stick with us for a long, long time.

And probably even longer now that we’re still hearing them.

Ok, we have to catch up a little bit. This story has been developing for a week or so, so I’ll just give you the rundown real quick, all right? See, Mel Gibson was trying to make this movie called The Maccabees, which is weird, because the Maccabees were a bunch of hardcore, badass Jews, and that doesn’t really sound like Mel’s cup of tea, does it? But Mel got this guy named Joe Eszterhas to write the movie for him. Time went on, things happened, and then Warner Brothers was like “you know what, never mind, let’s not do this movie right now,” apparently because they weren’t feeling Joe’s script. So Joe wrote this big long letter to Mel, basically saying that Mel never wanted to make the movie in the first place, he just wanted people to get off his back for being such a bigot. He also went on and on (the letter’s nine pages long) about how crazy Mel is, about the awful things he called Jews and Oksana and about all the times he had to deal with Mel’s crazy ass. Mel responded with what was essentially just a big ol’ “nuh-uh,” and here we are.

So what’s the deal with the new recording? In the letter Joe wrote, he said that in December, he took his family down to Costa Rica to stay at Mel’s house down there, along with some other guests. One night, everyone was waiting for dinner, and Mel was checking out the internets, and he saw a picture of himself with his baby daughter, Luci, and he flipped out because “I look so f-cking old! I look horrible! That f-cking whore is destroying me! She’s taking my looks! I hate her! She’s destroying my life!” Totally rational, right?

Mel then, according to Joe, starting running around the house and knocking things over, and yelling about both Oksana and Joe’s script. He screamed a bunch of random obscenities, and then drove away. Is that believable? Could you see Mel doing all that? Of course you can. And if you can’t, here’s the recording to prove it:

Here’s the transcript so you can read along at home, since it’s a little hard to understand him when he gets all full of rage like that.

Oh, and sorry for the nightmares.

You know why? Because Mel Gibson‘s divorce from his wife of 28 years, Robyn, was just finalized on Friday. That means that Robyn gets half of everything Mel has. And Mel has a lot:

Among Gibson’s estimated assets: more than $600 million grossed by The Passion of the Christ alone; $100-plus million in real estate investments worldwide (he bought an island in Fiji for $15 million in 2005); and $75 million for film and TV projects for which Gibson, 55, executive produced.

It appears some of his wealth has already been transferred to Robyn, in particular two Malibu homes worth a combined $22.5 million. As for film residuals, Robyn is entitled to half of every future check Gibson receives for the rest of his life.

I would go on about how much Robyn deserves this and how completely unimaginable it would be to be married to Mel Gibson for nearly 30 years, but I just can’t. I’ve slept like four hours in the past two days and I just got all these student loan bills in the mail, which is always depressing, and on top of all that I have to explain to my little guinea pig that his first Christmas is over and he probably won’t get to open presents like that until his birthday in June. I just can’t think about being married to Mel Gibson or how some people have 800 million dollars.

But maybe you guys can! Which would you rather have: a few decades with Mel Gibson for a lover or about $400 million?

Robert Downey Jr. is one magical dude. We all know that. He’s been through a lot, he overcame, and now he’s Mr. Peanut. Could you even ask for a more inspiring tale?

Well, it looks like RDJ himself is asking for one, because he’s saying that the time has come to forgive Mel Gibson for all his wrongdoings. And what a fairy tale that would be!

Robert Downey Jr. created what could become a turning point in Mel Gibson’s public rehab last night, by heaping praise on Mel, telling a large crowd of celebrities that Mel deserved forgiveness.

Downey was being honored for his life work in Beverly Hills, when Mel took the stage and recalled how he had helped Downey when he was down and out, reflecting that people had warned him of Robert’s bad ways, but all Mel could see was a good guy. Then Mel made fun of himself, cautioning the crowd to remember who was making the assessment.

Then it was Downey’s turn. The two had worked together in “Air America,” bur more significantly, Mel had posted an insurance bond for Downey when all the movie companies refused because he was such a high risk.

Downey used a metaphor that he and Mel shared, telling the crowd, “When I couldn’t get sober, Mel helped me” … by giving him food and shelter. Downey said Mel told him to find faith and accept responsibility — Mel called it “hugging the cactus.”

Then Downey told the Crowd … Mel hugged the cactus long enough, and the place erupted in applause.

Yeah, I’m not so sure about that. Mel Gibson did a lot of bad things, like an unbelievable amount of bad things. But then again, RDJ isn’t asking that we go on a date with the guy, or let him join our book club or anything. He’s just asking that Mel gets the chance to act again. And maybe that’s ok.

What do you think? Should Mel continue to be shunned, or is it acceptable to let him make movies again?

The idea of Mel Gibson looking like this and getting behind the wheel of his car is really frigging frightening. But perhaps even more frightening (if that’s at all possible) is the gnarly zombie hand that he’s got going on in most of these photos. What is that? Is he in the process of suffering a stroke? Is that why he’s lurching about, eager to get into the car? So that he can drive himself to the nearest hospital to seek immediate medical attention?

No, he’s just leaving a bar. Late, late at night. That always ends well. The zombie hand though? Totally can’t explain that one, sorry.

“It’s one terribly awful moment in time, said to one person in the span of one day, and doesn’t represent what I truly believe or how I’ve treated people my entire life. If I could make that choice again, I’d make a different choice. … I’ve never treated anyone badly or in a discriminatory way based on their gender, race, religion or sexuality – period. I don’t blame some people for thinking that though, from the garbage they heard on those leaked tapes, which have been edited. You have to put it all in the proper context of being in an irrationally, heated discussion at the height of a breakdown, trying to get out of a really unhealthy relationship. [As for acting], I could easily not act again. It’s not a problem. I’m going to do something now because I want to do it and because it’s fun. I’ve already pulled another job and it’s going to be fun. I don’t know if it’s going to get off the ground, but I’m going to go work for [Best Picture Oscar winner Braveheart's screenwriter] Randy Wallace again. He’s got this script and he’s had it for years. He wrote some book and he’s adapted it to a script. And it’s almost like Alexander Dumas — like that swashbuckler kind of stuff.”

I still think that a lot of what Mel was recorded saying on those audio tapes – edited or not – were a cacophony of just shit-awful things that will always be floating out there, waiting to bite him in one way or another, but I can understand where he’s coming from when he talks about trying to get out of a bad relationship, things getting all heated up in the moment. If you’ve lived past the age of seventeen, you’ve probably had a bad experience with a relationship, and if you haven’t, well good for you. Your time will probably come, too.  I’m not saying Mel is a reformed person with an entirely different outlook on other people and their feelings, but what I am saying is that everyone makes mistakes – even fucking swollen, nasty epic ones – at certain points in their lives.

That being said, I do hope he returns to acting, because he is quite talented, but he’s right – it’s gotta be on his terms, doing what he wants to do to be happy. Aren’t we all entitled to our own happiness, mistakes in the past or not?

What a great month for violence against women in the media, right? It’s like we’re trippin’ over the stuff!

Mel Gibson plead no contest after he was charged with misdemeanor battery for allegedly hitting at his ex-lady Oksana Grigorieva on March 11th, and yesterday he was in and out of the El Segundo Police Department in a half hour while he had his mugshot (above) and fingerprints taken.  He was sentenced to three years probation and counseling, because apparently that’s the most punishment they can dish out to an anti-Semitic woman-beater who drinks too much and also happens to be famous these days.

I feel like I have to point out how ass-backwards it is that Lindsay Lohan has spent more time in the slammer for harm she’s caused only to herself than Mel and Charlie Sheen have spent ever. Both Mel and Charlie are repeat offenders who show a much greater threat to society than Lindsay, who seems to be a favor shoplifting a cocaine to physical abuse. Why are these guys repeatedly getting a slap on the wrist from the justice system (and in Sheen’s case, being glorified in the media as some Tiger Blood-drinking superhero,) while Lindsay MAYBE stole a dumb necklace and will probably serve a small sentence for it.

Perhaps it’s obvious to cry sexism here, but it’s not so obvious that anyone’s doing anything to change things.