Alright, I know that title was a bit crass for so early in the morning, but I couldn’t help myself. Kim Kardashian (and the entire Kardashian/Jenner clan, for that matter) are filming over in Thailand right now, and while they’re all #blessed to be experiencing the country’s beauty (yes, that’s seriously a hashtag they used), they also can’t forget to take time for some selfies.
Kim was working on what she probably thought was gonna be a pretty bad ass selfie with an elephant, but things sorta went awry when the beautiful, majestic animal blew a ton of air out of its trunk and scared the shit out of Kim. Best of all, it was all captured in a photo!
This is just hilarious. I don’t watch Keeping Up with the Kardashians or any of their other endless spinoffs, but if this was going to be in an episode, I’d make an effort to tune in.
April 2, 2014 at 7:00 am by Jennifer
Just when you think Lady Gaga may have exhausted every last idea in her brain for weird shit to do, she comes on stage with something new and “shocking” to make you wonder, “Is Lady Gaga fucking SERIOUS with this bullshit?” Not quite the question she hoped to raise, which probably had something to do with whether she’s the greatest artist since Andy Warhol or whatever.
In any case, Gaga showed up to SXSW in Austin for a performance at Stubb’s, during which she hung herself from a human spit-roast that rotated while her cronies picked at her “skin” and she sang ‘Aura’. I mean, have you ever heard of more bullshit in one sentence?
Oh, and here’s one more tidbit of joy. She was apparently not feeling everyone taking photos and videos of the show last night, so she told everyone to put down their phones and have sex with each other instead. UHHHH…???
“Do me a favor and don’t take a picture,” Gaga said, according to NME. “Put your fucking phones down. Fuck your cell phones and your fuck your friends instead.”
Girl, no. She also LET SOMEONE THROW UP ON HER! The girl came up on stage and forced herself to throw up some green sludge. Fuck off, man.
March 14, 2014 at 1:30 pm by Jennifer
I love Jennifer Lopez and think she’s pretty flawless, generally speaking, even if she is a raging ghetto biatch. In fact, I think that’s one of the main reasons I love her. However, there are just some things I cannot abide, and her new single, ‘I Luh Ya Papi’ (yes, I’m typing that correctly), is one of them.
Sure, we’ve heard ‘Girls’ and ‘Same Girl’ (real creative titles there, JLo), but those were just promotional releases. THIS is the song she is allowing to represent her as the first single from her upcoming album, which will be released later this year.
In addition to the horrendous title, the lyrics don’t fare much better. JLo sings about how she loves her man so much, she’ll give it to him right there in the car. Now there’s romance! On the other hand, she does insist that her man engages her mind before her body – but once he gets to her body, he will need “4 or 5 beds” because what she’s got to offer is that good. I just… LOL. Okay.
That being said, it’s REALLY catchy from the second listen on. God help me.
March 6, 2014 at 5:30 am by Jennifer
Oh ho ho. Another day, another Justin Bieber paternity “story”. This time, he apparently has a 2-year-old kid somewhere in Europe after having sex with a woman he met at a TGIFridays when he was 15. I can’t with this – it’s too hilarious.
From the bastion of fine journalism that is Star magazine (via The New York Post):
In a startlingly detailed report in Star, a 15-year-old Biebs allegedly slept with an unidentified 25-year-old “European” woman on Feb. 4, 2010. They supposedly met at a T.G.I. Fridays after the singer’s concert in Florida and he took her back to his room at the Gansevoort South hotel, the mag claims.
After the alleged one-night stand, the woman gave birth in late October 2010 to a baby girl, a “source” said in the report.
“She gave birth to a baby girl later that year, and Justin didn’t know anything about it. She just wanted to protect her baby. She wanted to keep her and her family away from any spotlight,” the source said. “In my opinion, she does look a lot like Justin did at that same age.”
To take it a step further, the tabloid printed alleged texts between Bieber and the woman after their supposed hook-up where he says “thanks 4 last night” and calls it “Our little secret?”
A rep for Bieber has claimed that the story is completely false.
Riiiight. Wouldn’t you love it if this were true? I mean, it’s not, but HAHAHA TGIFridays! “Our secret”! Ah, this is so good. He’ll need to stop smoking weed and get off that Segway and start playing child support – HA!
May 31, 2013 at 12:30 pm by Jennifer
Mariah Carey was just trying to get her groove on for Good Morning America‘s summer concert series on Friday, but luck was not on her side. Well, at least her wardrobe wasn’t. Just before she was due to go on, Mariah’s dress nearly popped right open on live, national TV. Also “notable” was the fact that she exclaimed “Shit!” when this happened. You know, as you do.
She made some jokes about the Versace dress once she did make it to the stage, saying, “I love you Donatella, but it popped, darling.” Well, this is what happens when you’re wearing something skin-tight and aren’t lacking in the chesticle department, if you feel me.
Watch it all go down (nearly literally) below:
May 27, 2013 at 6:30 am by Jennifer
Listen, I adore Kirstie Alley. Seriously. Have you SEEN Fat Actress? Her reality show? Do you know she owns lemurs? Like, a shit ton of them? If all that’s enough, she’s a man-stealing Scientologist who’s best friends with John Travolta in real life and who believes depression is all in the mind. Plus, she sorta reminds me of my Aunt Debbie. Xenu, she’s fantastic.
This week, she gave us all one more reason to love her when she lashed out against Abercrombie & Fitch CEO Mike Jeffries, who is ugly as sin but had the audacity to say that the brand isn’t marketed towards ugly people. Or fat ones, for that matter. Frankly, American Eagle was all the rage in my day, so I never f-cked with Abercrombie and their shit is hideous, but Kirstie Alley is here to take a stand!
From Entertainment Tonight:
“What a [censored expletive]. He says that Abercrombie clothes are for people who are cool and look a certain way and are beautiful and are thin and blah blah blah blah blah. He goes on and on and on and on.
“That would make me never buy anything from Abercrombie, even if I was cool and thin. And I’ve got two kids in that bracket, but they will never walk in those doors because of his view of people – forget women, his view of just people.”
LOL, “even if I was cool and thin”. LOVE U, GIRL. Don’t worry, anyway – no one cool shops there, anyway. What makes this statement even better is that she seems super drunk and sweaty while saying it. Check out the clip below: