Today's Evil Beet Gossip
Leann Rimes

Brandi Glanville Refaced Her Vagina, Made Eddie Cibrian Pay for It

photo of brandi glanville new vagina pictures, photos
In an excerpt from her new book, Drinking & Tweeting and Other Brandi Blunders, our favorite reality show star, Brandi Glanvillle, talked subjects like “rejuvenating” her vagina, how Eddie waffled between her and LeAnn from the early beginnings of his affair, and what the end result of all the cheating was.

About her vagina, Brandi said:

I decided that since Eddie had ruined my vagina for me, he could pay for a new one. I gave [the doctor's office] Eddie’s credit card number. This pretty intense surgery had an even more intense price tag: $12,000. A brand-new vagina would be an Eddie-free vagina.

And prior to purging Eddie from her ladyparts, she discussed what it was like finding out that her husband had an affair with the one, the only—LeAnn Rimes:

I’m not entirely sure how I ended up on the floor of my closet sobbing … a teary-eyed Eddie found me lying there. Minutes later, and without saying so much as a word, he started kissing me all over … and we started having sex right there. He swore up and down my body that it wasn’t true … that it was completely innocent. In that moment, it was easier to believe him, because I just couldn’t stand the thought of being without him.

Later in the book, it was revealed how Eddie and LeAnn’s behavior immediately changed after coming clean about the affair, and Brandi also addressed a cake frosting incident that happened at one of the new couple’s first public appearances together:

LeAnn had ‘accidentally’ smeared some cake frosting on her top (she was still a bigger girl and completely flat-chested at the time) and asked my husband, not realizing that I was standing behind the both of them, if he wanted lick it off her. This woman asked my husband if he wanted to eat the frosting mess she’d dropped on her nonexistent chest? He hadn’t realized I was there, either, and he laughed with hungry eyes at the suggestion.

Last, Brandi talked about how the affair had sent her into a “tail-spin” that ultimately resulted in a DUI arrest:

[Eddie] promised he would never marry LeAnn, but that was just one of the countless lies he told me. … I was a jobless, homeless, mother of two living out of her $1,200-a-month SUV and couch-surfing from one hospitable friend to the next. After my divorce — even with the help of Lexapro — I fell into a bit of a tailspin [and an eventual DUI arrest]. … White wine became my constant shoulder to lean on.

Gosh, guys. The more I hear about Brandi Glanville and her side of the story, the more I pity her. I mean, it’s crazy. I pity her for more reasons than I pity LeAnn Rimes, and though I pity LeAnn Rimes for an entirely different array of causes, it’s still quite a bit. What a f-cking hot mess of a situation, you know? I love it so, so much.

LeAnn Rimes is Really, Really Sad About Brandi Glanville’s Mean Comments

photo of lizzy and leann rimes crying pictures, photos
Oh LeAnn Rimes. It’s probably so, so hard to be you. Brandi Glanville always hovering about and making sure you’re not accidentally feeding her children laxatives, being bullied because you stole a lady’s husband … I can’t even imagine the trials and tribulations you must have to endure on a daily basis for being a completely innocent, delicate little flower of a woman.

Don’t worry, though, girl. One day, you’ll have it all: you’ll have a man who loves you and respects you for you and not your bank account, a few little rugrats of your own to whom you can mistakenly feed Ex-Lax, and the self-respect that goes along with being an upstanding, decisive woman who doesn’t walk all over people and doesn’t let people walk all over her, either. It’ll be there one day, girl, so just keep on keeping on and clutching at your creepy friend, Lizzy. Not because, you know, the Lizzy thing’s going to make any difference, but because it’s mildly entertaining in a scary sort of way. That’s all.

Quotables: Brandi Glanville Can Talk About Sex With Eddie Cibrian, Too!

photo of brandi glanville and eddie cibrian pictures

I would say he’s a nine. I was with him for 13 years. I wouldn’t stay if it wasn’t, like, a total package. … He, at this point, [however] … I care about him as the father of my children … [but] even if we’re in the same room, he makes my skin crawl.

OK, taking the whole cheating thing out of this equation, because Eddie and LeAnn both are disgusting human beings in their own very special ways for doing what they did, and going about it in the way that … well, they did, there’s still something of importance that we need to address, OK?

We need to address just how … how … I don’t know how else to say this other than “anti-feminist” … it is that Brandi Glanville and LeAnn Rimes could be so pathetic to talk about what a sex god Eddie Cibrian is, in spite of everything that’s happened. I can’t even take it. It seriously puts a lump in my throat, and it’s not welled-up emotion that’s in there, guys—it’s f-cking bile. It’s the shit that gives me heartburn, and before any of you go ahead and say, “Well, Sarah, that doesn’t seem to be all that healthy, getting acid indigestion from three people who have no bearing on your life whatsoever,” I’m going to address that part right now: see, I have to share a f-cking planet with all of you people, and I’m sorry, but I have certain expectations. Like not being pathetic wretches who publicly battle for the same flaccid, overworked penis, and then worship said penis for years to come, even when one of those wretches “loses.” Right about now, Eddie Cibrian probably thinks he’s just God’s gift to trashy women the world over, and I’m sorry, but that bothers me in a big way.

Also, can I secretly hope that LeAnn Rimes looks at these photos (whether on this website or another) of Eddie and Brandi and it makes her nuts? Is that one of those horrible-person things to do? Because I’m going to do it anyway. These three people, guys. I don’t even know anymore.