I don’t have a whole lot to say about this video other than “Ew.” But that’s probably, exactly what Lady Gaga wants us to feel about her male alter-ego, Jo Calderone. Because Jo is gross. Jo, stripping down to his man-panties and groping his package is nasty. Jo reminds me of the “I wanna dance!” dude in one of my favorite movies, Dazed and Confused, and even though I love the flick, the comparison is not not not a compliment.

Here he is again:

So, right? Imagine him (who is Adam Goldberg, and – wait. Is that Christina Ricci in that photo? YES IT IS. Apparently the two dated), messy hair, smoking that cigarette of his, stripping down to his underwear and looking all Lady Gaga-like. I’m not saying that Adam isn’t attractive, because I’m the one who’s infatuated with Adrien Brody and not a lot of people understand that. But I am saying that any hotness he might have possessed after a second or third (or … fourth) look all but evaporated once Jo Calderone arrived on the scene. Because now, I can’t look at Jo Calderone without thinking ‘Adam Goldberg’, nor can I look at Adam Goldberg and think ‘OMG hot’.

See what you’ve done, Gaga? You’ve ruined a perfectly good man with your greasy, skeeviness-masked-as-high-art, which, in actuality, has all been done before, and in case you were wondering if I was still (or, you know, ever) a fan of yours, the answer is a big, resounding ‘HELL NO’.

Other than that, the vocals on the video aren’t bad.

I never said she couldn’t sing.

Ugh, what a square, right? It’s like “get with the program, old man, it’s the 21st century! I don’t have to conform to your dumb old ideas or your dumb old society, dad.” And then he’s like “learn to respect your elders!” And then you’re like “learn to respect this, you crusty old bastard!” And then you flip him the bird and go to your bedroom to blast Papa Roach or whatever. And that is hard-f*cking-core.

And that is precisely what Lady Gaga is:

Lady GaGa has admitted that her father isn’t impressed with her risqué fashion sense.

The singer confessed that her dad Joe Germanotta often asks her to wear more normal clothes.

“I look the same during the day as I do on stage,” GaGa said, according to The Sun.

“My father is still like, ‘Can’t you just put this on?’ Some of it he just can’t handle.”

The singer has spent the the past few days organizing the setlist for her next tour. She tweeted on Friday that she will preview the stage on Tuesday.

GaGa has previously admitted that she will never be caught wearing casual clothes.

“I think you should look nice all the time,” she said. “When I meet celebrities and they’re in casual clothes, I’m always like, ‘Whaaat?’ I don’t mean to be judgmental, but it would do them better to be who they really are, all the time.”

Lady Gaga, not every celebrity has the kind of identity issues that you have. In fact, a lot of celebrities understand that when you’re just going out to the grocery store or for a walk or whatever, it’s ok to dress differently than when they go to an awards show, and when they do a concert, they can dress in a completely different way. In fact, I would argue that those people are more comfortable with being “who they really are” than you are. Honey, you were not born this way, and it’s getting old.

Now don’t come to dinner until you can put on some regular shoes and take that lobster off your head while your grandma’s in the house!

And what did she name the charity? The Born This Way Foundation. Of course.

The Born This Way Foundation, also known as the BTW Foundation (to me and my easily amused mind), is the product of a team-up between Lady Gaga and Harvard University. For real. The organization’s purpose is to “explore the best ways to reach youth and create a new culture of kindness, bravery, acceptance and empowerment.” I’m pretty sure what all that claptrap means is that Lady Gaga formed a whole organization to prevent bullying, her least favorite thing, and also to promote herself and how original she is. At least, that’s what I’m getting from this.

The foundation launches at the end of February at Harvard, and both Gaga and her mom, Cynthia, will be there to kick things off. Speaking of Lady Gaga’s mom, here’s a little statement that she had to give about her wacky daughter’s new thing:

“My daughter’s foundation was born out of her passion to create a better world where people are kinder and nicer to one another and are accepted for who they are, regardless of how different they may be,” Cynthia Germanotta said of the new organization. “She has experienced many of the struggles that our youth encounter today, and identifies with the lasting effects they can have without proper support. Together, we look forward to creating a new movement that will engage and empower youth and accept them as valuable members of our society.”

Despite how much I dislike Lady Gaga, which is almost as much as I dislike the phrase “accept them as valuable members of society,” this sounds like a pretty great thing. She’s always tried to reach out to her fans and to lead them to the right path in life, and even though she fails at that sometimes and even though she can get under my skin like no other celebrity can, I guess I have to respect that.

Except the part where she named the foundation after her shitty album. That’s not respectable, that’s vain self promotion. But that’s also Lady Gaga, so what are you going to do?

If imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, Madonna ought to be flattered by Lady Gaga. But is she?

Tough to say.

First there was that quote in Newsweek Emily mentioned yesterday.

Then, in an interview aired on 20/20 last night, Madonna tried to play coy. (Unfortunately for Madonna, her “coy” is everybody else’s “ridiculously obvious.”) From the New York Daily News:

Madonna is finally expressing herself on Lady Gaga’s song, “Born This Way.”

Critics had pointed out similarities in the hit 2010 tune and the Material Girl’s 1989 chart-topper, “Express Yourself,” but Madonna herself had been quiet on the subject until Friday night’s interview on ABC’s “20/20.”

“When I heard it on the radio… I said that sounds very familiar,” Madonna told ABC News.

When pressed further, Madonna added that the song “felt reductive.”

Asked what that means, a smiling Madonna added, “Look it up.”

Jeesh. Without looking anything up, I can tell you Madonna thinks Gaga’s music is derivative in an artlessly unnuanced, shallow way. Just a guess.

By the way, this is on the front page of dictionary.com today:

I thought that was funny.

(more…)

Are you ready for Lady Gaga freestyle? Lady Gaga singing an entire song about having sex with someone? Imagining Lady Gaga riding atop some … thing? Because ready or not, here it is.

Oh, and here are the lyrics, in case you’re unable to listen to the word ‘f-ck’ at work, or if you just don’t want to get yet another one of Lady Gaga’s unoriginal poetry stuck in your head for three days at a time:

Got no plans, got no clothes
Got no piano, we got no shows
No, I’ve got nothing to do
But to be stuck on you

Got no flights, out of here
Got no TV shows until next year
No I got nothing to do
But to be stuck on you

Baby, you’re my liquor
I’m addicted to you
So I’ll just be stuck on
Stuck on f-ckin’ you
Stuck on f-ckin’ you

I don’t ever want just another boy or a girl
Baby you and I,
Baby you and I could change the world
I don’t ever want just another boy or a girl to love
I’m stuck, stuck, stuck, stuck on you

Got all night, no cameras
We got no champagne but we got drugs
No, I’ve got nothing to do
But to be stuck on you

Purple sheets, symbol clock
Gonna spend my time rocking on top
Yeah, I’ve got nothing to do
But to be stuck on you

Baby you’re my Johnny Walker, baby it’s true
So I’ll just be stuck on, stuck on f-ckin’ you
Stuck on f-ckin’ you

I don’t ever want just another boy or a girl
Cause baby you and I,
Baby you and I could change the world
I don’t ever want just another boy or a girl to love
I’m stuck, stuck, stuck on you, On you

Got no plans, got no flights
Out of here, no TV shows
But we got mice in the kitchen
So we don’t care cause we’re in love

You’re in the shower, I meet you there
I buy you some hippie sh-t from the Deli downstairs, oh yeah
Lovin on my man’s space, so good

Don’t forget me baby
Don’t forget me when I leave and go outdoor
Cause I know your life will be a snore
You’ll be on stuck f-ckin’ this hooker wh-re
This hooker, wh-re-ooh

Got no nothing, you’re in the next room
You fell asleep on my tour bus
But me and Fernando and Paul will just spend the day of making music
But I miss you

The fridge is broke and we’re drinking warm champagne
But we don’t care ’cause we’re in Minnesota
And we’re sold out show again
And it’s a sold out show again

Alright then. Oh, and here’s the video, too, I guess. We should probably include it for those of you who actually want to hear the song, even after reading the lyrics:

What do you guys think?

From TMZ:

Jennifer O’Neill says in her lawsuit … she worked for Gaga for 13 months, and is owed $380,000 in overtime. O’Neill says in her suit her job included “ensuring the promptness of a towel following a shower and serving as a personal alarm clock to keep [Gaga] on schedule.”

O’Neill claims she had to cater to Gaga in “stadiums, private jets, fine hotel suites, yachts, ferries, trains and tour buses.”

And, O’Neill says, she was required to be at Gaga’s beck and call at her “earliest waking hour.”

O’Neill is suing for the $380k — which represents 7,168 hours of overtime during the 13 months.

Gaga is not a defendant. O’Neill is suing Mermaid Touring Company, which Gaga uses for concerts and what not.

Gaga’s rep told the New York Post the suit is “completely without merit.”

So, OK. Normally, I’d NEVER defend Lady Gaga (and I’m still not, though I prefaced my comments with that previous statement), but isn’t this the kind of thing that personal assistants are generally required to do? Manage schedules, help organize crap, fetch things that these celebrities should be capable of fetching on their own and WOULD, if they weren’t jammed so far up their own asses that their arms turned into T-Rex appendages? Well, yes. However, one thing a lot of people seem to be missing is that this Jennifer chick isn’t lazy and she isn’t suing for having to perform demeaning tasks – she’s suing for unpaid overtime, and if Gaga’s personal life is as on-demand and erratic as her professional life, I don’t doubt that this poor girl had zero time of her own on her hands, and last I checked, overtime deserves compensation, too, no?

Hell yes, I’d be pissed. DOWN WITH GAGA.