Me, I picked Courtney Stodden. Not only is she a true American, as you can see in the classy photo above, but we could trade makeup tips, she could show me where to get cool and stylish arm bands, and I could figure out the best, most tactful way to tell her that none of her shoes fit and it looks gross. Yes, Courtney Stodden would make a fine, fine neighbor.
But you know what? Apparently this real estate blog called Zillow does this survey every year in which they ask people which celebrity they would most like to have as a neighbor and which celebrity would be the absolute worst neighbor. And you know who was named the most desirable neighbor? The person who most people would want to have next door? Tim Tebow. Ugh, can you imagine? How boring. I’d be like “Tim, if I’ve told you once, I’ve told you a million times, if you’re going to kneel and pray again, do it in your own damn yard.”
Still, good ol’ Tebow managed to bring in 11% of votes. Brad and Angelina weren’t far behind though: they got 10%. Following Brangelina was Jennifer Aniston and Justin Theroux at 9%, Jennifer Lopez with 6%, Beyonce and Jay-Z with 5%, and for whatever reason, Nancy Grace and Kim Kardashian tied with 4% of the votes. The remainder of the vote was split between “other” and “none of the above,” though I can’t figure out why the survey would have both of those choices.
But what about the survey for the least desirable neighbor? How would that vote turn out? For me, my neighbors in real life have had loud screaming matches that I can hear every word of from my apartment (it’s two couples living in a two bedroom apartment, and one of the dudes has a lady on the side that his lady in the apartment has a pretty good idea about), they do laundry for 40 hours straight (I counted), and they left dog feces wrapped in a napkin in front of our window, and that was just this week! So I can’t really think of any celebrity worse than that, so … wait. Courtney Love sets things on fire in her home. That might be worse.
According to America, however, the cast of Jersey Shore win the highest honors with 28% of voters naming them the worst neighbors. Next is Charlie Sheen with 21%, Lindsay Lohan with 14%, Kim Kardashian with 13%, Nancy Grace and Brad and Angelina are tied at 3%, Anthony Weiner had 2% of votes, and the rest, again, were either “other” or “none of the above.”
But what about you, friends? Is there any celebrity that you think would be a delight to have as a neighbor, or any that would be absolutely horrible? Are you still trying to figure out why any number of people would want to live next to Jennifer Lopez? Because I’m there too. We don’t have to be alone in this.
January 7, 2012 at 6:00 am by Emily
My general stance on Amber Rose is “who?” Any time I come across a story about her or some photos, I typically just skip it and go on ahead to the next story. I know, this girl shows her vagina off like it’s a new pair of shoes, and she’s wacky enough to claim that Kanye West saved her life, but I don’t know, I just can’t. I just can’t make myself get interested in this girl.
But you guys, this time, Amber Rose is talking some mad trash about Kim Kardashian, and, in case you haven’t noticed, that’s one of my favorite things to do right now! That’s why I took the time to read this crazy story about how Kim cheated on Reggie Bush with Kanye West, who was dating Amber Rose at the time. It’s a lot, I know, but I think it’s worth it.
“Kim is one of the main reasons why me and Kanye are not together,” Amber exclusively told Star. “She’s a homewrecker!”
According to Amber, she was dating Kanye when he and Kim first hooked up — and Kim was dating NFL star Reggie Bush!
“They were both cheating,” Amber, 28, said. “They were both cheating on me and Reggie with each other.”
Amber says it was Kim, 31, who instigated the whole affair by calling, texting and sending racy photos of herself to Kanye.
“She was sending pictures, and I was like, ‘Kim, just stop. Don’t be that person,’” but apparently Kim didn’t care enough to respond when Amber emailed her for an explanation.
“I thought at least she’d be woman enough to respond to me. She never responded.”
Amber slammed Kim for her cheating ways. “It’s very important that us women stick together and we don’t f*ck each other over like that.”
Have you ever wondered how many times Kim Kardashian has heard that in her life? ”Kim, just stop. Don’t be that person.” It paints this really amusing but disturbing picture of Kim as this creepy woman child who just does what she wants without taking time to consider anyone or anything else. Wait …
In other Kardashian news, you remember when I told you about how Kim desperately wanted to be Barbie’s BFF? It turns out that, like most of Kim’s dealings, this attempt at a relationship was all part of a new business venture. See, later this year, we’re all going to be graced with Kourtney, Khloe, and Kim Barbies! Can you believe it?! You can just hop on down to your local retailer and purchase one of these “Dash dolls,” who “will be outfitted in fashions tied into looks you can buy at the Kardashians’ Dash boutiques.” Are you too excited? Because I’m too excited.
January 4, 2012 at 4:30 pm by Emily
I never bother making New Year’s resolutions. I’m always of the opinion that if there’s something that needs to be done in my life, I’m just going to do it then, you know? Like if I need to change how I’m doing something or if I want to make some new friends or whatever, unless I come to that conclusion on December 31st, I’m going to go ahead and take care of business. I know a lot of people see the new year as a fresh start and all, and I won’t begrudge you that, but these resolutions just aren’t my scene.
You know who is into making New Year’s resolutions though? Kim Kardashian. I know that you and I both could think of a number of things she could aim to do differently this year, but let’s let Kimmy speak first, all right?
From Us Magazine:
The 31-year-old reality star told Us Weekly Saturday at Tao Nightclub in Las Vegas that she’s excited about “moving forward and not looking back.”
“I think a good lesson I learned about myself is to always follow your heart, and I think I’ll never stop doing that,” she said. “[I'm looking forward to] just having a really good 2012 and soaking in all the lessons learned in 2011. That’s it. Simple.”
She also told the magazine that after her divorce, she “took off for two months” and set up shop down at Kris Jenner‘s place until things started to blow over a little. She said that she “didn’t wear a stitch of makeup” for those two months, and that she “really enjoyed that.” That’s perfectly fine, but let’s get back to Kim’s dumb ass plans for 2012.
How do you “move forward and not look back” while “soaking in all the lessons learned in 2011″? How does one possibly do that? I actually took some time to try to come up with some examples of how this is possible, because, after all, I don’t want to believe that Kim Kardashian is this stupid, but I really couldn’t come up with any. I think at this point Kim just says words. She’s the girl, you all know That Girl, who always has something really inspirational and positive and intelligent to say, and she says it so earnestly, but when she’s done, you’re just like “awww, honey, no. Thank you, but no. Reread that story from Chicken Soup for the Teenage Soul and try again.”
Meanwhile, I started coming up with some resolutions that I think would benefit Kim greatly. Do you want to hear them? So far, I have “develop a personality that isn’t centered around your ass,” “get some grace,” and “become Amber Portwood’s BFF.” Do you guys have any other ones you’d like to add? Or do you have any resolutions of your own that you’d like to declare? Now’s the time!
January 3, 2012 at 3:30 pm by Emily
I know that you all know this, but I just want to remind you that Kim Kardashian has had a really rough time this year. She’s seen relationships fall apart, she’s suffered cruelty at the hands of the public. Really, what this girl needs right now is a friend. Like, a Golden Girls level friend. And I think she’s finally found that in Barbie.
On second thought, maybe not. Kim’s trying way too hard, and you can tell Barbie isn’t into it at all. Check out the way Kim tries to make conversation by asking Barbie what Ken got her for Christmas, and how Barbie just ignores it with a “see you next year!” What a callous bitch. And then Kim just lets it happen? Ugh. These aren’t new BFFs, they’re fake bitches. Keep looking, Kim, it’ll happen one day!
December 28, 2011 at 5:30 pm by Emily
Yup, I spent the last few hours racking my brain over who the most obnoxious, most heinous celebrities were of 2011 and though there were probably, like, eighty-six I could have placed on this list (not including others from previous years that continue their douchebag reign well into the later parts of the decade), I decided on five.
#5 – Doug Hutchison
I know. I know. Some of you guys probably have a soft little spot in your hearts for Doug Hutchison because he just seems on the outskirts of fame, sometimes brushing shoulders with it, but mostly being cast side-long glances by people who matter because he’s so on the fringe that it’s impossible to pull him into the mainstream. And he’d almost be a sympathetic character if he weren’t f-cking a teenager. Because I don’t care how “young at heart” or “hip” you are; statutory rape is statutory rape, even if it’s consensual statutory rape, and that’s just creepy, yo.
#4 – Michael Lohan
There’s not really an explanation as to why Michael Lohan’s on this list. He kicks women in the cooter, is King Douchebag of the Lohan Clan, isn’t even tolerated by the most unstable Lohan, and was once married to Dina Lohan. Plus, he sucks at escaping police custody. Please. Doesn’t all of that give him a lifetime membership card to, like, be on this list for the rest of his time on earth?
#3 – Kanye West
Kanye’s a drama queen. A drama queen who freaks out over projectile pieces of paper and a drama queen who compares himself to Hitler. Kanye thinks he’s God’s gift to politics, women, music, and the economy, and the only ones douchier than Kanye himself are his fans.
Jump in to find out who the top 2 douches of 2011 were!
December 27, 2011 at 9:30 am by Sarah
Is it me, or does this photo just scream “I’m desperate and I’m never, ever going to get another decent-ish guy to sleep with me EVER AGAIN AUGGGGH!” If you’re wondering if that’s a trick question, the answer is “yes.” And “no.” And “does not apply.” And “what the hell does it matter, anyway, because Kim Kardashian is yesterday’s budget, garbage-like Paris Hilton.”
I’m just so over this bitch, guys. She had me sucked in for a brief period and I’d thought, “Whoa, maybe there is something to this girl; maybe she does have something that a lot of people just aren’t seeing, and maybe she’s going to actually rise above mediocre reality star fame and make a positive move for herself.” But alas, I was wrong. And I’ve been wrong before, and there’s no shame in that. I’d call a moratorium on Kim Kardashian posts on this site from here on forward, but I have a feeling that Kim’s only going to become more and more desperate as the years go by, and really, who wants to miss out on watching that big-assed disaster float by?