Today's Evil Beet Gossip
Kim Kardashian

Oprah Interviews All of The Kardashians

A photo of the Kardashian family and Oprah

From Us Weekly:

She’s hobnobbed with A-list actors and actresses and traveled worldwide as a result of her reality TV success, but nothing impressed Kim Kardashian more than an at-home sit-down chat with Oprah Winfrey.

“Ummmm no big deal Oprah just left my mom’s house! #DreamComeTrue,” the Keeping Up With the Kardashians star, 31, tweeted late Tuesday after she joined sisters Kourtney and Khloe, brother Rob, Scott Disick, Lamar Odom, and Kris, Kylie, Kendall and Bruce Jenner to film an interview segment for Oprah’s Next Chapter, airing Sunday on OWN.

Added pregnant Kourtney: “Surreal day being interviewed by the queen Oprah. Not many words to explain how incredible the experience was except for AHHH! Major moment.”

Winfrey, 58, was just as impressed with the reality TV family, whom she became acquainted with before the interview thanks to a “Kardashian Kram” session. “I had never met them, nor seen the show. I did a full on Kardashian Kram in preparation, watching major shows from every season,” Winfrey revealed on her Facebook page, posting a group photo taken during the interview.

What will talk show titan Winfrey address during the one-hour chat? “I genuinely wanted to know why they have become a cultural phenomenon, why so many people love to watch their every move and why so many others love to hate them,” she said. “Are they completely ego centered? Are they really ‘famous for being famous’ or is there something more?”

Winfrey told her Facebook fans she was most impressed with Disick, Odom, and Kim and Khloe’s responses to her queries. As for Kim’s justification of her 72-day marriage to NBA star Kris Humphries? Winfrey says the media mogul’s answer “leveled me.”

“Those of you who watch [Keeping Up With the Kardashians] know they hold nothing back. This interview I’d say was another level of forthrightness and honesty,” Winfrey hints.

Oh my god, is it Sunday yet? Because this interview will be phenomenal. What did Kim say about her divorce that could have “leveled” poor Oprah? If Oprah did a “Kardashian Kram” before the interview, then she knows all about how much this family overshares, so how could this possibly be “another level of forthrightness and honesty”?

Another interesting thing is that this is supposed to be the first interview with every single Kardashian present at the same time. There’s the brother, and the two little ones. Scott Disick and Lamar Odom are both there. It’s everybody. Is it going to be a clusterf-ck? Is everyone going to be polite and respectful? I DON’T KNOW, IT’S NOT SUNDAY YET.

Quotables: Poor Kimmy Just Doesn’t Understand

A photo of Kim Kardashian

“I don’t get the fact, like, why it’s talked about. I don’t get it. Sometimes I get bored of talking about it. Most women have one.”

So what is Kim Kardashian talking about here? What does she have that she talks about frequently and that she thinks most other women would have? A sex tape, perhaps? A throwaway marriage? An ego so big that if it were a physical part of her body it would dwarf her gigantic ass?

Close. It’s just her ass. She’s just talking about her ass. Specifically, she’s talking about how people talk about her ass, which is one of the reasons why people do, in fact, talk about her ass.

Another reason that people talk about it is because she wants them to talk about it. If she didn’t want any attention placed on her backside, then she wouldn’t shake it around so much. And don’t even tell me that with an ass that size, it’s impossible not to shake it around, because I won’t believe you for a second. If we’re going by the numbers, Kim has said that there’s a 13 inch difference between her waist and her hips. I have her beat by three inches (thanks for the genetics, Mom), and it’s really not an issue as long as you know how to dress for it.

Oh, and another reason why people talk about her ass? She gets x-rays taken of it and shows them on television. But god, why won’t everyone just shut up about it already?

Kim and Kanye Are “Thinking About” Marriage

Could you just kill yourself? Because I know I could, jeez. I know that they’ve been “thinking” about it for awhile, but it just needs to stop. All of this speculation needs to just end and they have to do it already or not do it at all. I’m hoping it’s the not doing it at all option, but hey. That’s just me. I’m not the type of person that feels compelled to stick my hand in the fire to know it burns. And a Kim Kardashian-Kanye West baby would burn. It would burn, burn, burn.

Make up your minds and go public with it, guys. All of this indecision is making my stomach hurt.

But What Did Kim Get Kanye for His Birthday?

A photo of Kanye West and Kim Kardashian

I know, you guys. I know. Two stories about the beautiful love of Kim Kardashian and Kanye West in one day, that’s got to be a nauseating first, right? But listen, it’s Kanye’s birthday, and around these parts, we treat birthdays like the special days they are, and Kanye isn’t going to be excluded from that just because he’s a jackass.

But let’s think about this for a moment: if you were shopping for someone like Kanye West, what would you get him? He certainly has more than enough money to buy himself whatever he wants, so I’d probably go with something more sentimental, like a picture of us in a cute frame or something like that. I’d get him a sweet card too, and write something really meaningful in it. Then I’d take him to a nice dinner somewhere, or cook something for him. I find that when I have no idea at all what kind of gift to give someone, just generally making a big fuss works well.

Does Kanye’s loving girlfriend, Kim, think the same way as I do? Nope. Not at all. Not even a little bit. Because here’s what she decided to give Kanye:

It’s a Lamborghini, if you’re not familiar with excessively fancy cars. A Lamborghini that cost Kim about $750,000. Honestly.

Kanye’s on tour right now in Ireland, so he won’t be able to receive his gift just yet. The good news is that Kim is flying all the way to Ireland tonight to be with her man on the day he turns 35. And isn’t that the sweetest part of all?

Kanye Really Wants to Marry Kim, I Guess

A photo of Kanye West and Kim Kardashian

I mean, come on, who wouldn’t want to marry Kim Kardashian? Kim’s spouses get super fancy weddings, a television show, and all the humiliation and regret that they could ever hope for! And look at that ass! We could all do a lot worse in life than being Mr. Kim Kardashian.

Kanye knows this, because Kanye has knowledge of all things. And he’s trying to lock this down real quick.

From Life & Style:

After eight months of battling with estranged husband Kris Humphries, Kim Kardashian’s boyfriend, Kanye West, is now putting the pressure on her to speed up the divorce!

An insider reveals in the new issue of Life & Style, on newsstands now, that Kanye is pushing Kim to give the NBA player whatever he wants to go away — so the rapper can pursue his plan to marry her!

“Kanye wants to marry Kim, and he’s telling her to expedite the divorce so they can start their future,” a source close to Kim tells Life & Style. “Kanye’s like, ‘Just do whatever you need to do to make it go away.’”

“Kim’s starting to come around to Kanye’s way of thinking,” the insider admits. Kim quickly became serious with Kanye — publicly calling herself his girlfriend — and they’ve even put their LA homes on the market so they can look for a rental together.

“As things get more and more intense and comfortable, both Kim and Kanye hate being apart,” the insider tells Life & Style. “And as they grow closer, Kanye’s desire to marry Kim — and hers to be married to him — keeps getting stronger.

And while Kim thought her prenup would guarantee a quick divorce, Kim hadn’t counted on Kris’ demands. A source close to the case says Kris is demanding $7 million to settle, while his team insists Kris wants Kim to admit she married him only for fame and money.

Is this bitch seriously going to get married again so soon? I know that this isn’t the first time that this idea has been brought up, but … seriously? I was going to say that marrying Kanye so fast would make me lose all respect for Kim, but that would imply that there was respect there to begin with. I just can’t imagine what goes on in her head, but I guess that’s a good thing.

All that being said though, I’m really glad that Kim picked Kanye as her next victim. Mostly because I have an elaborate scene planned out in my head where Kanye goes to the final divorce hearing, and just before it’s over, he jumps up onto the judge’s bench, looks at Kris, and says “Yo, I’ma let you finish, but Kanye West had the best proposal of all time!” Then the lights go down and strobes come on and he sings “Gold Digger” to Kim and then flashes her a ring. I have all the faith in the world in Kanye.

This is Kris Humphries’ New Girlfriend, Fatmire

photo of kris humphries new girlfriend fatmire pictures
And before you say, “Why, didn’t he just say that he was going to be single ’til his divorce from Kim Kardashian was final, Sarah?” the answer is “yes.” He absolutely did.

Wait, what’s that? You don’t quite remember? Well there was this big old report from Radar Online, citing multiple sources who all said that Kris would be taking his marital estrangement seriously and wouldn’t keep the company of another woman until lawfully able. It went something like this:

… Media reports circulated on Monday that Humphries was spotted at the beach in Miami, with a Kim Kardashian look-alike, and there was speculation the duo are dating. However, our sources tell exclusively, “Kris won’t even consider dating anyone until his divorce to Kim is finalized. Kris is very much aware that Kim is dating Kanye West, and he could truly care less. He wishes her nothing but the best, and if she can be happy with Kanye, great. He just isn’t ready to date yet and doesn’t want to get in a serious relationship right now. Kris isn’t living like a monk and goes out with his buddies to clubs,” a source close to the situation tells exclusively.

Got that, right? Well TMZ claims that the woman he’s been keeping company with—a woman by the name of Fatmire Sinanaj—has been his girlfriend for the past six months. Sounds pretty serious to me, if I say so myself. And gosh, isn’t she just a class act?

Haha, I’m totally kidding about all that. Honestly, someone looks like a cheap version of the already-really-cheap Kim Kardashian. I mean, honestly. Didn’t Reggie Bush do the same damn thing after he and Kim split up? Went ahead and found the trashiest Kardashian-looking chick he could find? Yeah, he did. It was this chick:

photo of melissa molinaro reggie bush girlfriend pictures
Come on. Kim Kardashian’s all “pretty” and stuff, but let’s be realistic. If I truly wanted the “real” thing, and couldn’t have it? Well I sure wouldn’t be settling for someone who looks like Kim Kardashian on crack with scabies. Damn.

Images courtesy of TMZ

Music and Video to Slit Your Wrists To on This Fine Sunday

Ahem. By the numbers, now, shall we?

:32 (this is going to be a long one, guys). Already I want to kill myself. How am I going to make it through the remaining four-plus minutes? Pack it in and hold on folks.

:41. Good thing Kendall and Kylie Jenner have their MOM to teach them how to dance like little whores on a boat. These two have a long road of fun cut out for them, let me tell you.

:55. Who are the wannabe-Kardashians? And why would anyone WANT to be a Kardashian?


1:18. Scott Disick is officially an embarrassment to all white men ’round the world.


1:27. Weird Kardashian brother. Stop pretending that you don’t want to hump Kim’s ass, weird Kardashian brother.


2:12. … Still recovering. And only Kim Kardashian would spray tan in the Dominican Republic.

2:27. Told you it was Kim’s ass.

2:40. “Have sex on rugs that’s Persian.” Let me guess: YOU’RE PERSIAN, KIM, AREN’T YOU.

3:15. One of those Jenner girls probably has skin cancer today.

3:16. … And Bruce Jenner was definitely about to slap her ass.

3:22. Wait. Where’s Khloe and Lamar?

3:56. Why can’t this ship just sink?

4:13. Wait. Kourtney’s water just broke? LIARS.

4:17. Kris Jenner is really classy spouting “motherf-cker” all over the place.

And that, guys? Is how you get shit done on a Sunday morning. Dear God.