1Kim Kardashian Wants to Get Divorced Already So She Can Get Married Again

Bear with me here, ok? I’m sure we’ve heard a similar story before: Kim Kardashian is finally with her one true love (of 2012), Kanye, and they’re going to get married and love each other forever (for three months), but that mean man, Kris Humphries, won’t let true love be because of his greed and his stupid face. Yeah, yeah. But I think this particular story is a little more interesting, because it shows that Kim Kardashian has truly changed for the better. Wait for it.

From Radar:

Kim Kardashian is growing increasingly impatient with the ongoing divorce proceedings with her estranged husband, Kris Humphries, because the reality TV star is talking marriage with her boyfriend, hip-hop superstar Kanye West, RadarOnline.com is exclusively reporting.

“There is going to be a scheduled status conference on Wednesday for Kim and Kris’ divorce. Kris has already been deposed, but Kim hasn’t been yet. Kim has told her lawyer that the case is dragging because Kris is determined to keep his name in the press and drag her name through the mud. Kim is ready to get engaged to Kanye, but doesn’t want to until her divorce is finalized,” a source close to the situation tells us.

“Kim feels that Kanye is the man she is going to spend the rest of her life with, and she doesn’t want to wait. Kim’s deposition will likely take place in the next few weeks, but she feels nothing is going to be gained by it,” the source added.

As we previously reported, during the course of Kim’s romance with her soon to-be-ex-husband, the reality star would constantly nag the basketball player about his two dogs, a Yorkshire Terrier named Gizmo and a Chihuahua named Brodi because he allowed them to sleep on his bed, and he refused to put them outside as she insisted. Humphries contends that he was duped into marrying Kim last year and that their marriage was a fraud.

Kardashian’s lawyer, Laura Wasser, has told Team Humphries, if he loses at the divorce trial, “He will have to pay her legal fees. This doesn’t phase Kris at all, as he just signed a very lucrative contract with the Brooklyn Nets. Kris is in no rush at all for the divorce to be finalized, he just wants the truth to come out. Kris will see this through to the end, which for him, will be a very public divorce trial, and this isn’t about the money. The only way this doesn’t go to trial is if Kim admits the marriage was a sham and publicly apologizes to Kris and his family, which she has no intention of doing,” the insider tells us.

See? The old Kim wouldn’t have thought twice about getting engaged while still legally married. She would have gladly put that ring on her finger, and then she’d tell everyone that she can’t help it, because she’s a “hopeless romantic.” Honestly, if another sex tape came out, a big messy orgy with seven other dudes all peeing with Kim right in the middle, she’d just be like “oh, I’m a hopeless romantic, you know, I just followed my heart.” At least, the old Kimmy would.

Our girl is growing up!

August 14, 2012 at 4:30 am by Emily

6Quotables: 50 Cent Thinks Kim Kardashian’s a Piece of Trash

“I mean … if that man feel like she perfect, then she’s perfect. He could mean it and you’ll end up singing the words to it because he’s Kanye. You know how it is? One man’s trash is another man’s treasure.”

This was 50 Cent, talking to XXL Magazine about Kanye West and his perfect bitch, Kim Kardashian.

And all I can say is BWAHAHAHAHAHA. Oh, and BWAHAHAHHAHAHHHAHAHAH!

I’m sorry. Pretty much just what Fitty said, because there’s just no way of saying it any better.

BWAHAHHAH!

August 11, 2012 at 10:00 am by Sarah

12Love It or Leave It: Kardashian … Ugh, Eyewear Now

So, bearing in mind that I *am* a glasses-wearer (I just prefer them to contacts, because I wore contacts for such a long time that I finally got sick of them and the hassle that they were, as unbelievable as that sounds to some die-hard contacts wearers), try to remember this when I say how stupid Kim Kardashian looks in glasses. She looks flat-out dumb. Like, her face is just way too fancy and done up for something as simple and grounded as glasses (and I don’t mean the part about her face being too “fancy” in a good way, either). Kim Kardashian wearing glasses is like wearing sweat socks with your ballroom gown.

And you know what? That’s got to really, really suck for Kim that she’s so high above it all that she can’t even do the simplest of shit like have eyesight problems. It’s got to be some sort of highfalutin issue when you can’t even wear f-cking glasses without drawing criticism. Either that, or people just hate you, and I think it’s definitely that.

The other two girls, Kourtney and Khloe, actually look kind of charming wearing the specs, and I have to say, the look on those two is flattering. But Kim? No. Not at all, actually. Laws. It’s got to be so tough being the Perfect Bitch, you know? Damned if you do and damned if you don’t.

What do you guys think about the Kardashian eyewear line (aside from the general “What the f-ck” reaction that probably plagued you all)?

August 10, 2012 at 12:30 pm by Sarah

3Kim And Kanye Are Trying for A Baby

Because who needs birth control when you’ve got a soulmate, right?

From In Touch via Celebitchy:

Kim Kardashian’s red-hot romance with Kanye West is moving so fast, she’s already gone off birth control.

“Kim is ready to have babies and talks about it all the time,” reveals a Kardashian insider. Since she’s been on the pull for around 15 years, reports another source, Kim is taking “the necessary measures” to make it easier to conceive.

Now Kim and Kanye are looking for a house with a nursery, shares the source, who says, “It’s doubtful they will get married, but they are actively trying to have a baby. All their friends and family know.”

Not everyone’s ruling out a wedding too. “Kim has told both her sisters and close friends that they shouldn’t be surprised if she and Kanye elope,” says the insider.

I really think Kim keeps forgetting that she’s still married. I don’t think she “forgets,” like “oh, whatever, I don’t even remember that asshole,” I think she really and truly forgets that she is still legally someone’s wife. That’s why there’s been all this talk about Kim and Kanye getting engaged and getting married and eloping, which, by the way, I definitely believe. Kim is just that dumb.

And I believe this story about the birth control too. There was this episode of Kourtney and Kim Take New York where Kim happened to run out of her birth control pills about five seconds after she and Kris got married. She kept saying “I think this is a sign that I need to stop taking them,” and Kris was like “uhhhh….” Kim just wants a husband and babies, and Kris was dumb enough to follow through with the first part, but he was smart enough to want to think that last part through a little more. But is Kanye that smart? I’m not sure. I think he really did find his perfect bitch, and he’d do anything to make her happy. Even impregnate her.

Furthermore, I think that when they finally have a baby, they will actually name it Kimye. And who doesn’t want to see that?

August 10, 2012 at 5:30 am by Emily

2Oh Look, I Found Some “Private” Kardashian Family Vacation Photos

I’m sorry, did you really think I meant private? Because I really meant “private,” much like I said. Because this is as private as the Kardashians get.

Ol’ Kim girl, or as we’re quickly coming to know and just love her, The Perfect Bitch, decided it would be a super idea to go ahead and post these pictures to her Twitter account, more or less claiming that the photos weren’t staged and caught her family in a true and accurate light. As for me, I think the only thing that it shows is that her family (save for Khloe, natch, since she is the Best Kardashian) is full of shit and full of themselves, which is to say, one and the same. Enjoy, OK?

August 9, 2012 at 5:30 pm by Sarah

3Kim Kardashian Is So Proud to Be The Perfect Bitch

Understandably so, right? “The Perfect Bitch” is a beautiful title to have, something that would really make your resume pop. And the romance behind it is … it’s just staggering, honestly. And Kim, naturally, is just being so modest about about it all!

From TMZ:

Kim is telling friends, “I’m honored.  I love it,” adding, “I know he doesn’t mean it in a negative way when he says the word ‘bitch.’”

Yesterday, Kayne tweeted, “I wrote the song ‘Perfect Bitch’ about Kim.”  Interestingly, the tweet was later deleted.

But Kim feels great about it, saying, “The song talks about how he was with so many other girls but could never find the right one until he met me.”

Kim is also real pleased about the way Kanye describes her body in the song.

Do you think that when TMZ has a story about what Kim is “telling friends,” it’s really a story about what Kim is telling TMZ? Because all of that sounds exactly like the dumb shit that falls out of her mouth daily. Just imagine all of that in her awful, annoying voice. You can see it, right? I bet Kris Jenner dials TMZ’s number, and Kim is like “uuugh, Mom, stop it, I don’t even want to do it right now, I’m, like, tiiiired,” and Kris is like “earn your keep,” and then Kim holds her breath until Kris promises to land her another boring photo shoot in return for making the call. “Mama knows what’s best,” Kris would say. Because I seriously think that whenever any moderately well known person or site or anything makes a comment about a Kardashian, Kris hears about it and addresses it.

But really, I just want to hear Kanye’s latest declaration of love. I want to be able to delve deeper into the greatest romance of the 21st century.

August 8, 2012 at 4:30 am by Emily