Today's Evil Beet Gossip
Khloe Kardashian

Love It or Leave It: Khloe Kardashian Looks Good From the Eyebrows Down

photo of khloe kardashian fashion pictures photos pics
You know, normally, we have a bevy of good things to say about Khloe Kardashian, especially considering the fact that she is* a Kardashian. But this weird face-wear? It’s bad, and it makes girlfriend look really, really dumb. YOU ARE SO DUMB, Khloe. Or at least, you look that way with the thing that’s pasted to your forehead that makes your eyebrows look low and lunky, like a caveman.

I don’t even get what she’s trying to do with all that forehead business while wearing that outfit. She should have on a paisley peasant blouse and Hammer pants if she wants to really work that thing, because looking like she walked off the cover of American Eagle’s 2002 catalog doesn’t really fit the whole “Dr. Spock’s vulcan bindi” vibe that she’s apparently going for.

Also, Khloe Kardashian is not pregnant. Not with how tight those jeans are, hell no. Girl is looking fine, I have to hand it to her. Now if she’d stop taking fashion pointers from Princess Jasmine on E, she might make some headway in being the hottest “Kardashian” of them all.

Check out the photos of Khloe with Kim and Lamar this past weekend in NYC in the gallery.

*Subject to review

Is Khloe Kardashian Pregnant?

A photo of Khloe Kardashian

If there is one thing that the world knows about Khloe Kardashian, it’s probably that she’s most likely not a biological Kardashian. But if there are two things that that world knows about Khloe Kardashian, those things are that she’s most likely not a biological Kardashian and that she really, really, really wants to have a baby with her husband, Lamar.

For the past year or so, probably a little longer, there’s been an absolutely insane amount of stories devoted to Khloe’s uterus. According to popular gossip, Khloe’s always having fertility treatments or going to a number of specialists or just crying for days about not being pregnant. She’s talked before about how she wants kids, definitely, but she denied the talk about fertility treatments, and she says that she’s leaving it all up to God.

God must have penciled in some time to work on Khloe’s womb then, because according to her father-in-law, Joe Odom, she’s finally pregnant:

Yeah, excuse me if I don’t believe every word of that. On the show (I can’t remember which, there were a few weeks where I just watched Kardashian shows to take the focus off my issues and put them on their stupidity, so it all just sort of blends together), we saw that Lamar’s dad wasn’t really there for him growing up, but ever since Lamar became a successful basketball player, he would pop up every few months asking for money or tickets to a game. Lamar even pays his rent, and if I remember correctly, he had some pretty serious drug problems. He doesn’t seem like the most credible guy. And besides, you can’t trust anyone who says dumb things like “everything is everything” over and over. You just can’t.

Still though, it could be true. He might have just slipped up and made that announcement for them, and wouldn’t that just be so great? I don’t have to tell you again that Khloe Kardashian is the best Kardashian – I don’t have to, but I will – and I think she would just be such a happy, adorable pregnant lady. I hope this is true with all my heart, but I just don’t think it is.

But, you know, whatever. It doesn’t matter. Everything is everything, you guys. Everything is everything.

Sorry About the Whole ‘Two Kardashian Posts in One Day’ Thing

Although I suppose we should be broadening the parameters to include week, month, year, and – oh! right – ever.

Let’s just do this one by the numbers, shall we?

At the :13 mark, I just love how Khloe almost biffs and heads down the steps. That are about two and a half inches in rise. Love you girl!

:27. Kris Jenner makes me want to punch small, furry animals in the face. Hard.

:30. Yup. Still wanting to punch small, furry animals in the face.

:35. Any particular reason we’ve had to endure so much of Kris Jenner’s f-cking geriatric shimmying? Anyone?

:47. OF COURSE Kim‘s main lyric is “Voulez-vous coucher avec moi ce soir.” You know what that means, people who don’t speak French? It means WILL YOU SLEEP WITH ME TONIGHT. Tramp.

1:04. My four-year-old just asked me why that lady was wiping her bum on the steps. I told her because she was a nasty, nasty lady.

1:10. What’s with the slo-mo hair whipping?

1:20. That’s as low as Kim can go? Doubt it.

1:28. Looks like an excerpt from Kim’s sex tape. Just with clothes and no F-list black man who’d later be partially responsible for the death of Whitney Houston.

Did I miss anything? Covered it all, did I?

Look, It’s Another Kardashian Ad!

A photo of Khloe Kardashian, Kim Kardashian, and Kourtney Kardashian

It’s an ad for the new Kardashian Kollection swimwear collection, and unlike that lingerie ad, this one hasn’t been Photoshopped at all!

Oh goodness, you guys, I can’t keep that up all the way throughout this whole story: the Kardashians are Photoshopped. There, I said it. They’ve been ridiculously Photoshopped. Just look at Khloe and her torso. Do you see her waist? Or rather, her lack of one? I’m not calling her fat, because she’s not, I’m just saying that I’m pretty sure her waist measurement isn’t the same as an eight-year-old’s. But really, get a good look at her hand there: hand on hip, pretty normal pose, right? Except after the Photoshopping, she’s just got her fingers oddly placed on her waist, and what used to be her hip has been replaced with air. I’m not even going to start on Kourtney and Kim. The magic of editing, right?

Of course, all the Kardashian girls have already expressed their excitement over the photo. Kim did it by way of her blog, and Kourtney and Khloe went through their beloved Twitter, but here’s what they had to say:

Kim: “We’re so proud of the swimwear collection and I think you guys are going to love it!! I’m wearing the blue ruffle bikini, which is one of my favorites!”

Kourtney: “Ready for summer in my Kardashian Kollection bikini! What do you guys think?”

Khloe: “Love this new pic of me and my sisters rocking our Kardashian Kollection swimwear line!!!!  So ready for summer!!!!!”

What I want to know is how this whole thing happens at all. I know that excessive Photoshopping is pretty much the norm nowadays, but how does it work? Do the models see the pictures and go “oh my gosh, no, edit out the majority of my body,” or do photographers and editors sit the models down and let them know that they plan on editing out the majority of their bodies? Do the models just assume that once the photos actually get to where they’re going they’ll inevitably be Photoshopped beyong recognition? Are the models ever upset about it, do they worry that they’re not pretty enough already, or is it just part of the procedure now? And lastly and most importantly, does anyone really think that we won’t notice?

And Now the Kardashians Have a Lingerie Line, Too

photo of kardashian lingerie collection pictures photos 2012 pic
You know, there’s a question that’s been burning deep inside of me for quite some time now (and no, it’s not just the kidney stones, either) and I need an answer. I need one. Why do photographers feel the compulsion to Photoshop such hellacity into each and every one of the Kardashians’ faces? Putting all biases aside, they’re pretty enough girls. They do alright on their own. Why interfere in that with poorly-done computer-generated imagery when things are just fine the way they are? Because do you see the above ad for the Kardashians’ new lingerie collection at Sears? It’s flat-out awful. Just … bad. Of course, the lingerie is just fine, and even though all three of them are way bustier than they appear to be in real life, the girls’ faces are just too much for me to handle, and not in a warm, fuzzy way. It’s all way too much.

Khloe, though, for one? Well, she loves the way the photo looks. On Twitter she said, “OMG how fab is this new ad for Kardashian Kollection lingerie?!? Nothing makes me feel sexier, plus it’s all so comfy! Killing two birds with one stone! LOL.” Comfy? Lingerie is comfy? In what parallel universe is lingerie comfy? See, when I think ‘comfy,’ I think ‘granny flannel’ and ‘argyle knee socks’. ‘Yoga pants’ and ‘camisoles’. Definitely not abrasive lace that always rubs your cracks and crevices the wrong way, padded underwires that poke and prod and bruise ribs, or thigh-highs that don’t want to stay up on their own. But yeah. ‘Comfy’, right?

Incidentally, the shoot was done by Annie Leibovitz, whose work becomes more and more questionable as the days go by. Also, what’s with the spray-tanner, and why is it so heavily concentrated on their faces? Is someone trying to send a message here?

The ladies may be quite pretty, and everyone likes lingerie (though let’s not fool ourselves with words like ‘comfy’ here), but this ad? It’s just complete crap, much like the quality of lingerie sold at Sears probably is anyway.

Scott Disick Schools Khloe Kardashian

A photo of Khloe Kardashian and Scott Disick

This is really bizarre, ok? Are you ready for it?

Khloe Kardashian and Scott Disick had a minor spat on Khloe’s radio show in Dallas. That’s nothing new, of course. What is new, however, is that I am taking Scott’s side. Crazy, right? Just check out what went down:

Khloe Kardashian is a fan favorite, but she may have lost herself some followers when she used a gay slur during her March 8 “Mix Up w/ Khloe Kardashian Odom” radio show!

Khloe, 27, said the word on her program “Mix Up w/ Khloe Kardashian Odom” on Dallas radio stationMix 102.9. Kardashian family mainstay Scott Disick called in for an interview, and it was fun until Khloe made a VERY inappropriate comment while talking about Scott, 28, and his accessory choices.

“What kind of homo are you?” she asked. “Seriously? That is not what men…a straight man doesn’t carry a Birkin Bag.”

Scott quickly took offense to the statement, retorting, “Listen to me. First of all, you shouldn’t say homo on the radio. It’s not a bad thing to be a homosexual. You’re making it sound like a negative thing. Third I’m not a homosexual. Fourth, I didn’t come out of the closet. It’s a man bag.”

Instead of hanging her head in shame, Khloe then dug herself deeper on the issue, saying, “First of all, let me just tell you: I am the queen of my gay community which I love and adore. And I promote doing the tranny look-alike contest. I am queen bee over here so don’t even try it.”

Of course Khloe Kardashian is my favorite Kardashian, and I think Scott’s a major asshole, though lately he seems to be getting his life together. That’s what makes this so weird, the role reversal. I wouldn’t have thought that Khloe and Scott would ever have an exchange where I went “wow, Khloe, you need to take a listen to Scott Disick,” but I just did.

I mean, besides the obvious offensive slur, it’s just so insanely immature to call a dude a homo for carrying a purse. I get wanting to rag on somebody, but come up with a better way to do it that I didn’t hear about a zillion times in middle school, and maybe focus on something that doesn’t offend the community of which you claim to be the queen. Also, if you’re going to pick on a guy, don’t pick on him for being smart enough to understand the amazing convenience of the purse. It just doesn’t makes sense.

What do you guys think? Scott totally comes out of this looking like the better person, am I right? Does that blow your mind as much as it blows mine?

Khloe Kardashian Doesn’t Know Who Her Biological Father Is Either

A photo of Khloe Kardashian

She’s also a love sick cowgirl, obviously. And that’s why we love this girl.

But you know how we’ve been talking about the true identity of Khloe Kardashian‘s biological father for months now? We’ve heard that it could be anyone from O.J. Simpson to … uh … any other man that lived in or around L.A. during the time that Khloe was conceived, but the one thing we seem to have settled on is that it probably isn’t Robert Kardashian. If you look at Robert Kardashian’s other kids, it just seems suspicious, doesn’t it?

The official word from the Kardashian camp all this time has been “of course Robert Kardashian is Khloe’s bio dad, don’t be ridiculous.” But now we’re hearing quite a bit from Khloe herself, who admits that yeah, she doesn’t really know any more than we do:

Khloe Kardashian, 27, cracked a lot of jokes about not knowing who her dad is but seriously admitted that she really doesn’t know if Robert Kardashian is actually her biological father.

“Do you know who my daddy is? I don’t either, honey!” she told  DJ Swag on New York’s Hot 97 on Feb. 15, while on air to promote the second season of Khloe & Lamar, premiering Feb 19.  “Well I know, my dad is my dad…but geez everyone is confusing me at this point!”

Her dad is her dad? Like, what does that mean?

“I’m Armenian, well now — supposedly, if that is my dad…my dad’s mom has very pale skin, blonde hair, blue eyes, but my sisters are all cookie-cutter kids, and even my brother is dark and I came out very light, blonde curly, curly, curly hair, like an afro and green eyes.”

Although her family has teased her entire life about not being a real Kardashian, Khloe admits she’s never gotten a DNA test to confirm if the late Robert Kardashian is her pops.

“I actually DNA tested my mom, but now people are saying ‘No, we’re not questioning you’re mom, we’re questioning your father,’” she said. “She’s my mom, but yeah, I have no idea who my dad is, I guess?”

Despite our confusion on her self-professed confusion, Khlo says she’s fine if people are convinced her dad is O.J. Simpson or even Kris Jenner’s hairdresser Alex Roldan; like some people have suggested, she just doesn’t like it when she hears the rumor that “someone was saying this is my father’s dying confession.”

“So questioning me being a Kardashian…do whatever you want, but do not bring my father into it because he’s not here, that’s what I got most offended about,” she said.

Being a father is one thing, but being a baby daddy is an entirely different thing. Is she making that distinction?

Poor Khloe. I hope that, if she feels the need for it, she learns the truth. But not on a television show. I know it’s a lost cause at this point, but please, stay classy, Kris Jenner.