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Kanye West

0Kanye West Nearly Leaked His Own Sex Tape, Of Course

kanye west

Kanye West is someone’s father now, and while that might change a man’s life – or at least make him slightly more aware of his own behaviour – that certainly isn’t the case here. You may remember a sex tape featuring the rapper was being shopped around in September 2012, yeah? Turns out, he almost released it himself because… I don’t know, because he’s Kanye West and nothing he does makes sense.

From W Magazine:

Last year, when someone threatened to go public with a recording he’d made of himself and an unidentified woman in a hotel room, West was on the verge of releasing his own copy of it, to neutralize any threat of extortion. “For the most part, I’d rather people have one of those home videos than some of the paparazzi photos that get published,” he says. “At least I recorded the shit myself. That tape couldn’t have hurt me in any way if it came out—it could only have helped.” He finally decided against releasing it, but don’t be surprised if he changes his mind. “Now, I just do exactly what I want, whenever I want, how the fuck I want,” West says. “?‘Fuck you’ is my message.”

Well… isn’t that special? I’m sure his daughter will be super pleased about that. And his kid’s mother (although she’s hardly one to talk, I know). And erm, I don’t know that it would have hurt him if it was released, like he said, but not sure how it would have helped, either. Most of us have seen Kanye’s junk before, since those photos were EVERYWHERE at the time, and some of us (ME! ME!) nearly gagged. It hardly would have boosted record sales.

June 26, 2013 at 11:30 am by Jennifer
Filed Under: Kanye West

7Don’t worry, North West’s Name Is “Symbolic”

kim kardashian kanye west

There was a collective LOL heard ’round the world when Kim Kardashian and Kanye West actually named their daughter North (that was our tipster’s info, so good to see they were reliable!), but the happy couple want you to hold the laughter and understand the deeper meaning here. That’s right, North West‘s name is a symbol… and not of nonsense.

According to TMZ, Kimye have said that they see the baby as the “North Star” and gave the best soundbite of the year when they apparently told friends the following:

“What’s north of north? Nothing.”

HAHA! Well, can’t argue with reason, I suppose?

A bonus to this story is that Kim has apparently been sending out batches of fake baby photos to her friends to see which of them are going to try to hawk the pics of North to the press first. CLEVER – almost TOO clever for a Kardashian, you might say. Hilariously, two people came forward to TMZ wanting to sell photos of the baby (which aren’t real). Here’s one of them, anyway:

north west

June 25, 2013 at 9:30 am by Jennifer

3Kanye West Proposed to Kim Kardashian, I Guess

kim kardashian kanye west

Kanye West has taken a note from his true love’s wife and “put a ring on it”, because he’s apparently proposed to Kim Kardashian just a few days after she gave birth to their daughter, North West (still cracking up that that’s a thing). According to The Sun, Yeezus has yet to buy a proper engagement ring but gave her a $750k “black and tiger-stripe diamond ring” as a push present. Uh, ew?

New dad Kanye West asked Kim Kardashian to marry him just days after she gave birth to their first child.

The reality star has accepted his proposal and the pair are planning a wedding in Paris this September.

A source said: “Kanye wasted no money in making sure Kim had the best of everything while she’s in hospital.

“He has spent half a million on a ring as a push present and had it designed months ago in preparation.

“He’s even more in love with her now than ever and they can’t wait to get married.”

Well, that seems legit. I mean, just look at the happy couple above – they’re clearly so in love they can’t keep their eyes off each other, and Kanye is positively beaming with his adoration of her. Like, what even is this?
Of course Kim will be pleased that she’s walking down the aisle again since she’s desperate to be married, but she’ll come down with a bang when Kanye refuses to let her make another $10 million or whatever she made on the last one this time around. These two are THE WORST.
June 24, 2013 at 6:30 am by Jennifer

6They actually did it. They named her North.

north by northwest poster

Kim Kardashian and Kanye West named their baby North. It was a rumor and also a joke that they would do that, and I honestly didn’t think they would. But they did. North West. TMZ got this info from Cedars Sinai, the hospital where Kim gave birth. I picture them getting the info the way Alex and his droogs clubbed people with sticks in A Clockwork Orange.

Fun fact: North was Roger Ebert’s most hated movie.

Twitter is making so many puns right now. Even Voldemort got in on it by tweeting, “So I’m assuming that North West won’t be a One Direction fan?”

June 21, 2013 at 4:30 am by Catherine St. Ives

3Kim Kardashian Breaks Silence on Motherhood: “It’s Crazy”

 

kim kardashian

Kim Kardashian has never really been a woman of words – at least not words anyone cared about hearing, that is. Still, she’s remained bizarrely silent since giving birth to America’s Kanye West‘s baby on Saturday nearly 5 weeks ahead of schedule, making everyone that much more hungry for details about the nameless child. Well, you’re not getting any of those, and you’re not even really getting a statement from Kimmypie, but what you will get is a sentence she apparently wrote in an email, as dictated by Ryan Seacrest. TAKE IT OR LEAVE IT, PEOPLE!

From Ryan’s KIIS-FM show:

E! News’ Ken Baker phoned in to On Air with Ryan Seacrest to share that despite giving birth five weeks early, both baby and mom are healthy.

“This was not planned,” he explains. “It came on very quickly and when it was time for the baby to come, it was time for the baby to come.” Ken adds that the moment was so unexpected, “the whole family was [even] dispersed all over the place.”However, Ken confirms: “[The baby] is healthy and Kim is doing well … There’s a great sense of relief. Everyone is very happy for her and Kim is relieved [because] this was a very stressful time.”So now that her daughter is here, how does Kim feel about being a mom?Ryan shared he emailed her moments after she gave birth, saying, “Yay! Congrats my darling, you’re a mommy!” and that she responded: “Cant believe it! It’s so crazy!”

I love that Kim had time to get on email after giving birth. Because, you know, can’t miss those bids pouring in from People and US Weekly – gotta figure out which to sell the kid’s first pictures to, after all.

To be fair, I’m sure motherhood is “crazy”, but she’d better start believing it soon… unless of course the nanny’s are gonna raise this thing, which seems likely. That’s a random nanny, by the way, not The Nanny, Fran Drescher (though how great would that be?). I’ll show myself out.

June 19, 2013 at 6:30 am by Jennifer

6Baby Kimye Doesn’t Have a Name Yet

kim kardashian kanye west

Apparently Kim Kardashian and Kanye West haven’t been able to agree on a ridiculous enough K-name for their first child, or so the story goes. I have it on good authority that they actually HAVE chosen a name and if our ~source~ is right, it’s horrendous, so let’s hope People got it right and a birth certificate has yet to be printed.

“She was admitted with medical complications and her doctor made the decision that her baby needed to be delivered. Kim had a natural birth,” the source says. “If Kim would have had very serious complications, her doctor would have decided to do an emergency c-section instead.”

As for the baby girl’s name, Kardashian, 32, has mentioned in the past that it will likely begin with a ‘K,’ but so far, she and West, 36, remain undecided, although a second source tells PEOPLE that they are close to a final decision.

“Kim is being very protective of the baby and she says there is no official name,” the first source notes.

LOL I guess we’re gonna keep playing the “Kim delivered naturally” game for the rest of our days, but whatever. I’ve lived with worse lies (suuuuure, David Duchovny and Gillian Anderson totally didn’t have an affair during The X-Files!) so I can deal with this. If she did have medical issues that required a C-section – or even if she just chose to have one – why not just say that shit? Ain’t no shame when it comes to the miracle baby.

Any wagers on the name?

June 18, 2013 at 6:30 am by Jennifer