Today's Evil Beet Gossip
Justin Theroux

BREAKING: JENNIFER ANISTON STILL NOT MARRIED

justin theroux jennifer aniston

Jennifer Aniston is engaged to Justin Theoefwrox Theoreusxz Theroux but they haven’t yet married. I’m really bad at spelling Theroux on the first try. But I try, and I like to show you that I try. Teamwork, everyone.

So what’s the holdup, Jennifer Aniston? Please tell us about something that has absolutely nothing to do with us and explain right now why you’re not a wife. From People:

As fans eagerly wait for her to become Mrs. Theroux [LOL PEOPLE CALM DOWN, THIS SOUNDS LIKE NARRATION IN THE BEGINNING OF A DISNEY MOVIE], multiple sources tell PEOPLE that plans for the much-anticipated nuptials have slowed down.

A few months ago, arrangements were in full swing, says a source who speaks to Aniston often. “Wedding bands were designed and Jen was deciding on a dress,” says the source. The actress had a date in mind, too – this spring.

Now, with both Aniston, 44, and Theroux, 41, overloaded with work commitments and a massive house renovation, “wedding talk has stopped.”

[...] With their packed schedules and the challenges of combining their lifestyles, “they need to figure out a way to create a life that makes them both happy,” says the first source. Still, “Jen can’t wait to be [Justin's] wife.”

Oh, okay, good. I was worried there.

I don’t see them getting married. I’m not sure why. But when I close my eyes, the beautiful yet incredibly boring Aniston-Theroux wedding isn’t swimming into focus. What do you think?

Jennifer Aniston Is “Spontaneous”, Still Doesn’t Have a Wedding Dress

justin theroux jennifer aniston

Jennifer Aniston and Justin Theroux might be ready to tie the knot soon, but that doesn’t mean the wedding planning is in the bag. In fact, quite the opposite – it hasn’t really started. Before the peanut gallery chimes in, it’s not because the ceremony is never going to happen and is a total disaster waiting to happen, okay? It’s just Jen’s spontaneous side!

From Life & Style:

“I don’t have a dress,” she said. “I like to be very spontaneous.”

A vision of Jennifer as a blushing bride, complete with a gown for her milestone marriage is “something that will probably come together at the last minute” says the actress.

When asked about planning, Jen wouldn’t dish too much, only offering a reply that it “might make me crazy.”

Yay for procrastination! I mean, a wedding ceremony (especially when you’re a celebrity) isn’t really something you can half-ass, but I admire Jen’s dedication to putting shit off ’til the last possible second. And who knows, maybe that’ll be the secret to success.

Will Branglina Steal Jennifer Aniston’s Wedding Day Thunder?

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Oh no they didn’t! Except, you know, they apparently did. Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie got engaged ages ago, but Mister Chanel just got their 90-day wedding license last week and they could be tying the knot this May. Hurrah! Everyone loves a wedding… except for Jennifer Aniston, whose own ceremony to fiancé Justin Theroux is supposed to be happening around the same time. Escandalo!

From The Sun:

Brad got a wedding licence at the end of last month — which stated they must marry in 90 days.

The deadline could see the big day for the pair clash with the nuptials of Brad’s ex JENNIFER ANISTON — which would spark a bitter bun-fight over celeb guests.

A source said: “Brad and Angelina left themselves short of time to sort out their wedding because of the licence deadline. A few months is nothing when you’re planning a wedding — especially one as major as theirs.

“Everything points to them getting married in May just after the Cannes Film Festival ends, because they’ve got their hearts set on tying the knot in France.”

There were also apparently some rumours that Jennifer was going to attend Brad and Angelina’s wedding as a “gesture of goodwill” – which, for the record, f-ck that – but if he’s doing all this to rain on her parade, he can forget about her turning up.

“All that goodwill would go out the window if Brad’s wedding date comes close to hers. Jennifer will see it as an attempt to upstage her and there will be a battle over Hollywood guests.

“She knows they will be judged on who had the better wedding by pulling in the biggest stars.”

Y’all know I am adamantly Team Jen and I think Brangelina are total assholes (you know, besides all that amazing charity and activism they participate in) and somehow Jen got all the stick for being cheated on, but whatevs. I’d go to both weddings, just for the free booze.