Today's Evil Beet Gossip
Jonathan Rhys Meyers

Top Three Reasons Why Jonathan Rhys Meyers Is Too Hot For Alcoholism

A photo of Jonathan Rhys Meyers at a press conference for The Tudors

It’s back to rehab for Jonathan Rhys Meyers.  This trip, which was brought on by his girlfriend telling him to stop drinking or stop talking to her, will be his fourth time in treatment.  I know alcoholism is a serious problem, but I also know you’re not likely to get better if you’re doing it for someone else, so I’ve compiled a list of reasons why Jonathan Rhys Meyers is too hot for alcoholism, and hopefully he can sense the energy of what I’m trying to do and come to love himself because of it.

  1. He’s Irish.  Everyone knows that Irish guys are just hotter than guys of other nationalities.  And sure, Irish people have a stereotype for loving booze, but that’s just a stereotype, you don’t have to buy into it.  The country you were born and raised in has given you an automatic hotness advantage, Jonathan, so you just focus on that.
  2. Have you even seen The Tudors? Come on.  Historical facts and sex scenes aside, any man who can rock those beautiful costumes as well as he does is far too hot for alcoholism.  And all those layers of heavy fabric will make you heat up real quick, and the kind of warm that liquor makes you feel added on to that?  Not pleasant.  Don’t do that to yourself, Jonathan.
  3. August Rush.  What a beautiful tale of music and song and love.  If you can do things like this and this, why would you even bother drinking?  Just use all your bountiful talent to brighten the lives of the people who have this faith in you. Like me, Jonathan.  Just like me.

Back to Rehab!

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Nope, not Lindsay Lohan, although that announcement will come soon enough, I’m sure.

Jonathan Rhys Meyers has checked into a rehab in England to deal with his alcoholism.

Suspicions arose when the Cork-reared actor failed to show at the IFTAs in Dublin earlier this month, where his acclaimed TV series The Tudors won 10 awards. The day before, he was allegedly spotted buying spirits in London. He also missed the Oscar Wilde Awards in LA, the annual celebration of the Irish in Hollywood, which is staged just before the Academy Awards.

Before filming the last series of The Tudors, producers insisted that he steer clear of alcohol, with his behaviour monitored by minders.

Jonathan did a previous stint in rehab in 2005 in LA.

Maybe this time it’ll stick???

Get better, Jonathan!

Jonathan Rhys Meyers Needs To Get His Mojo Back

 

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After “Bend It Like Beckham” I thought Jonathan was super hot. He had eyes that could melt ice. Now…he’s kinda freaking me out a little. His facial hair of late is odd, unflattering, and reminiscent of what I imagine a real life ‘Dirty Sanchez’ would look like. He used to be able to work it, but now not so much. Ever since he started playing power hungry, delusional Henry VII on ‘The Tudors” he’s been a little “off”. His facial expressions swing from supreme paranoia, to blank indifference, into some sort of stoned hyper lucid stare and back again. 

 

Shots of what Jonathan used to look like:

 

Rough Night?

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Jonathan Rhys-Meyers had to be helped out of a WeHo post-Globes party after imbibing a little too much.

The star admits he did a stint in rehab a few years back, and now hardly drinks at all, because when he does he’s “all over the place, hopeless, like a 16-year-old kid.”

Uh, judging by these pictures, Jonathan should drink never.

Yes, Jonathan Rhys Meyers Has a Girlfriend

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And he obviously wants to make damn sure the whole world knows it. The psychopath hottie to Scarlett Johansson’s hypersexed hottie in Match Point and star of the new buzztastic Showtime series The Tudors walked into The Plumm nightclub with girlfriend Reena Hammer this weekend. According to Page Six, they couple “retired to a couch and launched into a frenzied make-out session as a crowd of revelers became voyeurs.” According to an on-looker, “it was really a scene. She straddled him, and they were at it for some time.”

Eventually, feeling confident that he’d convinced the world of his heterosexuality, JRM and Reena (who you don’t know from anything because she’s not famous and not even really that cute), got up and left the club without so much as buying a drink. Which is totally cool with the club, since everyone’s writing about them today.

I missed The Tudors last night, since idonthaveatelevisionrightnowandyoudontevenwanttogetmestartedonwhy, but apparently it is very very good and worth watching, even if its star is going to be doing obnoxious stuff like this to get written up in Page Six.