It’s back to rehab for Jonathan Rhys Meyers. This trip, which was brought on by his girlfriend telling him to stop drinking or stop talking to her, will be his fourth time in treatment. I know alcoholism is a serious problem, but I also know you’re not likely to get better if you’re doing it for someone else, so I’ve compiled a list of reasons why Jonathan Rhys Meyers is too hot for alcoholism, and hopefully he can sense the energy of what I’m trying to do and come to love himself because of it.
- He’s Irish. Everyone knows that Irish guys are just hotter than guys of other nationalities. And sure, Irish people have a stereotype for loving booze, but that’s just a stereotype, you don’t have to buy into it. The country you were born and raised in has given you an automatic hotness advantage, Jonathan, so you just focus on that.
- Have you even seen The Tudors? Come on. Historical facts and sex scenes aside, any man who can rock those beautiful costumes as well as he does is far too hot for alcoholism. And all those layers of heavy fabric will make you heat up real quick, and the kind of warm that liquor makes you feel added on to that? Not pleasant. Don’t do that to yourself, Jonathan.
- August Rush. What a beautiful tale of music and song and love. If you can do things like this and this, why would you even bother drinking? Just use all your bountiful talent to brighten the lives of the people who have this faith in you. Like me, Jonathan. Just like me.