Today's Evil Beet Gossip
Jonas Brothers

Joe Jonas Totally Isn’t a Heroin Addict!

joe jonas

Are we all doing okay since the Jonas Brothers broke up? Have you been crying into a pint of Ben & Jerry’s every night as you listen to *insert the name of one of their songs here because I can’t name a single one without Google* on repeat? Well, there was a lot of talk that a huge part of the reason behind the brothers’ decision to go their separate ways was Joe‘s alleged heroin problem. However, Joe has finally (weeks later) spoken out against this, insisting that he’s never tried the drug in his life.

From People:

“It’s ridiculous! We’re not saying anything for two or three weeks and I’m a drug addict!”

What upset him even more is that his girlfriend, Blanda Eggenschwiler, was also dragged into the rumors. “It’s obviously not true. I’ve never touched heroin in my life. Neither has my girlfriend,” he said. “It’s hilarious to me, but also frustrating as well. It pissed me off when it’s about my girl and even about myself.”

At one point, he said, people even approached him personally about it. “I was walking down the street and people are asking me if they can give me a hug and how rehab is,” says Joe. “I’m like, ‘You tell me because I’ve never been.’ “

Apparently he didn’t speak out on this right away because he was upset about the Jonas Brothers breaking up and he needed to “clear his head”… or does he mean “detox in rehab”? I’m not sure about this one. I don’t know enough about Joe Jonas (thank God) to know whether or not there’s any truth to the heroin rumours, but considering how some of these other Disney stars have ended up over the years, I wouldn’t put it past him.

What do you think – vicious rumour, or has Joe Jonas been smoking some black tar shit?

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So Sad: The Jonas Brothers Broke Up

Jonas+Brothers+Nick+Joe+Kevin+Jonas

The Jonas Brothers broke up. We saw this coming after they cancelled their tour. Gosh, it’s so very sad. Here’s what an ~~exclusive source~~ told E! News via E Online:

There are no personal issues. They just all wanted different things. They love each other. They always will.

To quote Chandler Bing, this is a “dear diary” moment! Joe Jonas told People that it was “unanimous.” Yeah, and not just for the guys in the band.

Guess while they were “getting their shit together” their shit said, “It’s time to end this.” And Brothers Jonas said, “You’re right, Shit. You’re absolutely right.”

Here’s some music to set the mood. Goodnight, sweet princes.


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The Jonas Brothers Want You to Stand By While They Get Their Shit Together

jonas brothers MET gala

The Jonas Brothers are a hot ass mess. The brothers “took a break” a little over a year ago but then got back together and planned a tour, which they’ve since cancelled amidst rumours of a break-up as well as claims that Joe Jonas may or may not be a drug addict. Allegedly! However, now Joe himself has reached out to fans on Twitter, asking that they hold tight while the group tries to get it together, whatever that even means:


Is this code for “please hold while I go to rehab and detox from heroin use”? Who can say? But also, is anyone REALLY still holding their breath for this group? Was anyone ever, besides Disney kids? I’m just so confused – I don’t think I know a single Jonas Brothers song (and I’m happy about that, so don’t be putting any in the comments or anything!)

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Jonas Brothers Heading For Break Up?

jonas brothers MET gala

The Jonas Brothers might be heading for a break up. Stay strong, everyone. Us Weekly confirmed that they just cancelled their tour just two days before it was about to begin. Here’s some details.

“There is a deep rift within the band,” their spokesman, Jesse Derris, tells Us. “There was a big a disagreement over their music direction.”

“Their music direction” — that cracks me up. I feel like there’s also a One Direction joke that could be made but I can’t figure out what it would be. Anyone want to take it?

Also how good was I when I called that blind item being about Kevin Jonas and his wife? Guess who’s expecting?

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Jessica Simpson Dreams Big

At the White House Correspondents’ dinner last night, Jessica Simpson revealed her one true wish:  to be Michelle Obama.

“I really do [want to be Michelle Obama].  She’s such an incredible woman, and she’s with such a powerful man. Everything she does she exudes confidence.  I’m really just here to celebrate her.”

Shoot for the moon, Jess.  Even if you miss, you’ll land among the stars.

On the topic of stars, the Correspondents’ dinner was full of them.  Guests included Justin Bieber (who, in my opinion, is the songbird of this generation), Jessica Alba, the Jonas Brothers, Dennis Quaid, Kim Kardashian, Scarlett Johansson, Gabourey Sidibe, Queen Latifah, and a good few more.  Check out the gallery to see such things as Justin Bieber and Marlon Wayans flashing gang signs and Gabourey Sidibe being in desperate need of a new stylist (and before you guys hate on me, I’m not saying anything about her being a big girl, I’m just saying that there are ways to flatter every body type, and homegirl needs to work that out).

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Green Carpet Fashion at the Teen Choice Awards

Amanda Bynes Hits the Bottle at the 2009 Teen Choice Awards

It’s red carpet time! Or, I guess in this case, it’s green carpet time. Young Hollywood turned out in droves for Sunday night’s Teen Choice Awards. I don’t know who won what award because I’m not a teen, and it’s not my choice. I chose to watch football. But I do enjoy seeing who wore what to the awards show.

The green carpet was shot outside, in natural light– something for which Beet always cuts celebs a little extra slack. But not me. Because its the same light that all of us have to live every day of our lives in. So when a celeb shows up on the red carpet in natural light that reveals their haggard eye bags and pancake makeup, I feel highly vindicated. Case in point: Amanda Bynes (above). I’m not sure what kinds of bottles she’s been hitting, or how often, but I’m convinced that bottles are definitely being hit.

I’m also convinced that inside Rumer Willis’ gullet is a pelican desperately struggling to swallow a fish.

Britney Spears, on the other hand, looked fabulous. I’ve never been a big fan of her fashion choices, but her dress tonight was sexy with a touch of  class.

Miley Cyrus showed up in an outfit that may have been made up of pieces from her Wal-mart line. I have nothing against Wal-mart, and definitely nothing against Miley, but I’m not so sure that was the best fashion choice for an awards show. Nothing says tacky like a darkly colored bra showing through a wife beater.

Other atendees included Robert Pattinson, looking drugged and disheveled as ever, Kristen Bell in my least favorite celeb fashion trend of the last few years (a jumpsuit), the Jonas Brothers, Fergie, Emma Roberts, Jordin Sparks, Kristen Stewart, Alexis Bledel, Ashley Tisdale, Selena Gomez, and Kat Von D.

So who had your favorite look of the evening? Worst?

I Never Want To See This Again


 

I find these condescending — “Show your kids that you’ve still got it” — screechy little non-talents absolutely offensive in trying to attempt any Neil Diamond song.  That’s how I feel.  I’m not changing my mind.  Ever.

This video is NSFHC aka not suitable for human consumption.