At the White House Correspondents’ dinner last night, Jessica Simpson revealed her one true wish:  to be Michelle Obama.

“I really do [want to be Michelle Obama].  She’s such an incredible woman, and she’s with such a powerful man. Everything she does she exudes confidence.  I’m really just here to celebrate her.”

Shoot for the moon, Jess.  Even if you miss, you’ll land among the stars.

On the topic of stars, the Correspondents’ dinner was full of them.  Guests included Justin Bieber (who, in my opinion, is the songbird of this generation), Jessica Alba, the Jonas Brothers, Dennis Quaid, Kim Kardashian, Scarlett Johansson, Gabourey Sidibe, Queen Latifah, and a good few more.  Check out the gallery to see such things as Justin Bieber and Marlon Wayans flashing gang signs and Gabourey Sidibe being in desperate need of a new stylist (and before you guys hate on me, I’m not saying anything about her being a big girl, I’m just saying that there are ways to flatter every body type, and homegirl needs to work that out).

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It’s red carpet time! Or, I guess in this case, it’s green carpet time. Young Hollywood turned out in droves for Sunday night’s Teen Choice Awards. I don’t know who won what award because I’m not a teen, and it’s not my choice. I chose to watch football. But I do enjoy seeing who wore what to the awards show.

The green carpet was shot outside, in natural light– something for which Beet always cuts celebs a little extra slack. But not me. Because its the same light that all of us have to live every day of our lives in. So when a celeb shows up on the red carpet in natural light that reveals their haggard eye bags and pancake makeup, I feel highly vindicated. Case in point: Amanda Bynes (above). I’m not sure what kinds of bottles she’s been hitting, or how often, but I’m convinced that bottles are definitely being hit.

I’m also convinced that inside Rumer Willis’ gullet is a pelican desperately struggling to swallow a fish.

Britney Spears, on the other hand, looked fabulous. I’ve never been a big fan of her fashion choices, but her dress tonight was sexy with a touch of  class.

Miley Cyrus showed up in an outfit that may have been made up of pieces from her Wal-mart line. I have nothing against Wal-mart, and definitely nothing against Miley, but I’m not so sure that was the best fashion choice for an awards show. Nothing says tacky like a darkly colored bra showing through a wife beater.

Other atendees included Robert Pattinson, looking drugged and disheveled as ever, Kristen Bell in my least favorite celeb fashion trend of the last few years (a jumpsuit), the Jonas Brothers, Fergie, Emma Roberts, Jordin Sparks, Kristen Stewart, Alexis Bledel, Ashley Tisdale, Selena Gomez, and Kat Von D.

So who had your favorite look of the evening? Worst?

I find these condescending — “Show your kids that you’ve still got it” — screechy little non-talents absolutely offensive in trying to attempt any Neil Diamond song.  That’s how I feel.  I’m not changing my mind.  Ever.

This video is NSFHC aka not suitable for human consumption.

Poor Lady Gaga’s chest exploded whilst performing at the 20th Annual MuchMusic Video Awards in Toronto, Canada.

Also there was Audrina Patridge in a cheap and ill-fitting dress, my fiance Bradley Cooper and the pure Jonas Brothers.  Oh, and I’m totally willing to support Kelly Clarkson in this whole body-acceptance thing she’s got going on, but there must be compromise.  No.  More.  Scarf.  Tops.

Rumer Willis appeared with her chin and Tila Tequila was positively stumped over the one-button operation of the Flip Mino HD camera.

Finally, in an admirable effort of frugality, Kim Kardashian fashioned her dress out of one of the extra costumes used by Fergie’s backup dancers.

The Jonas Brothers are very sad. They’ve been abandoned in their time of need.

Jonas Brothers: The 3D Experience is playing on approximately 1,200 3D and IMAX theaters where the tickets are $15-18 a pop and they still barely managed to rake in 4.8 million on opening day by industry estimates. Where execs once were hoping for a 30 million premiere weekend, they’re willing to settle for a measly 17 – 20mil.

The bros must be feeling especially low when they consider that Miley’s concert movie had a 8.7 million dollar opening day while playing on half as many screens. Bummer.

That the Jonas Brothers will be performing “Superstition” live at the Grammys … alongside Stevie Wonder.

Even our tipster said Wonder was “a complete tool for agreeing to this.”

What do you guys think?