Today's Evil Beet Gossip
Jennifer Love Hewitt

Jennifer Love Hewitt Has “King Kong” Boobs

Did you guys catch Jennifer Love Hewitt on Jimmy Kimmel earlier this week, or were you too busy watching shows with people who aren’t relevant for a crappy Lifetime series? I know I was busy—there were new episodes of the Octonauts that aired earlier this week, so I’m not gonna lie: I was rapt.

Jennifer was on Jimmy’s show in order to promote her new show, The Client List, which is garnering some OK reviews. I haven’t watched it, so I can’t tell you first-hand, but if there are those of you reading right now who actually have sat down at taken a gander at what girlfriend’s doing on television these days, please share. I’d like some objective opinions, you know?

During the interview, Jimmy tells Jennifer that there are several huge-assed billboards that were taken out by Lifetime, featuring her ample cleavage, and he proceeds to bring in a massive piece into the studio. From there, all hell breaks loose. Watch the video, OK?

The bad things about Jenny Love:
—Her hair extensions are mad crappy. Mad crappy. And because she flat-ironed the hell out of her hair, they’re really, really obvious.
—How delighted she is at the prospect of sending a piece of her billboard tits to her grandma in Texas, because at first, she’s all, “Oh! No! My grandma would be scandalized!” but when it looks like she might get another inch of discussion out of it, she’s all for it.
—The constant crinkly-eyed smiley-ness that seems just plastered on. Does she have Vaseline on her teeth?

The good things about Jenny Love:
—Her left boob.
—Her right boob.
—She’s actually not all that pathetic-sounding during interviews as she is in random sound bites.

Can the boobs actually cancel out the desperate bids for attention? Well, yes. They can pretty much redeem her from all socially-awkward faux pas. Can they overcome those ratty hair extension, as well? No. They absolutely cannot, and I’m not even going to pretend that it’s possible.

Adam Levine Shot Jennifer Love Hewitt DOWN

photo of jennifer love hewitt pictures adam levine hot pic
Remember how Jenny Love oh-so-cutely quipped that she and the newly-single (and sad) Adam Levine would be “so hot” together? And, like, no one but maybe her mom, who’s probably used to encouraging this kind of crazy business, took her seriously? Well AS IT TURNS OUT, Adam Levine didn’t, either. During a recent interview with Access Hollywood, Adam said that he was flattered—aaaaand that was about it:

Newly single Adam Levine doesn’t mind when the ladies flirt with him!

Access Hollywood caught up with “The Voice” coach after Tuesday’s show, where he chimed in Jennifer Love Hewitt’s recent suggestion that they would make a good couple.

“It’s very, very flattering,” Adam, who recently split with Anne V, told AccessHollywood.com’s Laura Saltman. “It’s very flattering and very sweet and it was lovely to hear.”

Adding with a smile, “But I’m not going to let it get to my head.”

Oh dear. That’s quite embarrassing, now, isn’t it? Was I rejected so many times myself that I’m just that good at recognizing these things, or is it really that obvious that his response was an instant “get the f-ck up off my d-ck, girl”? Because damn. That’s gotta smart a bit.

But I guess it’s all OK, and Jennifer’s not all that broken up about Adam’s blatant rejection of her flirtatious advances: she’s rumored to have her eye on another celebrity-turned-reality show star, Dancing With the Stars’ Maksim Chlaefmsdamfasdklfjaljskdfl;asdfsky:

Jennifer Love Hewitt had her eye on “Dancing With the Stars” hunk Maksim Chmerkovskiy on Monday night. Our spy at the show said “The Client List” star was in the audience and “trying to get Maksim’s attention. She was wearing a skintight dress, sitting front-row and smiling at him all night.” During the show, Hewitt also told host Tom Bergeron that she was rooting “for Maks.” Also in the audience were John Stamos, Nia Vardalos and Rita Wilson.

And let me guess—she was probably hitting on all of them, too, right? Come on. I saw that shit a MILE away.

What Does Jennifer Love Hewitt Smell Like?

A photo of Jennifer Love Hewitt

And we’re not talking about something abstract like desperation or tears, we’re talking about actual scents. Does she wear some special type of perfume? Some body powders, perhaps? Maybe she has a really great soap?

No, none of that. Jennifer Love Hewitt just carries around some vanilla extract in her purse for when she needs to catch her a man:

“I carry McCormick’s Pure Vanilla [in my purse] — the baking kind — and dab it on my neck. Men are attracted to the scent! One time, I put it on and four different guys were like, ‘You smell amazing!’”

Oh, Jennifer.

I was going to ask if this was a thing that people actually did, but no, I know this happens in real life. I can remember being a preteen and reading Seventeen or Cosmo or something along those lines, and there was an article about different scents and how they attract men. I believe vanilla extract was actually mentioned, but the one I remember is buttered popcorn. This article suggested that women get greasy old buttered popcorn and rub it on their necks and behind their ears, and a little on the wrist, because it will attract guys. How gross is that? I can barely stand it on my fingers at the movies, I’m not going to purposely wipe that all over my body because a dude might like it.

Hey, Jennifer: I know vanilla extract smells awesome and can conveniently be used for many dishes, and maybe it could get some guys talking to you, but have you ever thought about just being an interesting person instead?