I know; you guys are probably wondering what kind of falling out JLH and I might have had that I would say such a thing about my girl, but it’s true: where in the hell did Jennifer Love’s lovely curves disappear to in this photo shoot?
The pics are promotional for her upcoming Lifetime channel show, where she plays a housewife-turned-prostitute in order to save her family’s finances. If that sounds familiar to you, it should: she played a role in the same-named (and, um, same-themed) movie on Lifetime, The Client List, and they were sent out via her Twitter account yesterday afternoon. If you don’t believe me about the series, here’s the official synopsis:
The series will follow Riley (Hewitt), who is forced to work in a day spa in a local town after being left in financial debt after her husband abandons her and her children. She quickly realizes that the spa gives much more than massages, but must partner with the parlor’s owner in order to keep food on the table. While helping to run the business, she struggles to discretely balance two lives – a single mother who must provide for her family and a strong businesswoman working in a unique and frowned-upon business.
Ew. Squicky. A prosti-mom. Bonus, though? You can look for Cybill Shepherd featured in the series as Jen’s mom.
Will you guys be tuning in to watch Jennifer Love strut her stuff on Lifetime as a “massage parlor” prostitute, or will you just be tuning in to see how poorly these photos really were retouched?
January 26, 2012 at 11:30 am by Sarah
You guys! I’d totally forgotten about this, but I had a subscription to Teen People when I was in high school. I only kept one issue. Just one. But! It’s the 1st Annual Celebrity Style Awards issue! That means we can point and gawk at some of the dumb crap our favorite stars were wearing in the late 90s.
Here’s a look at the November 1998 issue:
I included a profile of “new talent” Paul Walker (check the gallery!), who will be appearing in upcoming movies like Pleasantville, Varsity Blues, and Brokedown Palace.
I especially recommend the photo spread titled “Hair Watch,” which focuses on bleached spiky 90s hair, as sported by the likes of Mark McGrath, David Boreanaz, and Seth Green. However, it’s the ladies—Sarah Jessica Parker and Jamie Pressly among them—who take the cake for dumbest 90s ‘dos.
I also included a scan of “Star Tracks” because A) I had completely forgotten about Jonny Lang, and B) how the hell does Lukas Haas know Vincent Gallo? I am not too sure Vincent Gallo belongs in a teen magazine.
Under “Star Woes: Their Most Embarrassing Moments,” Kirsten Dunst says:
I’m really proud of going on Jeopardy! and winning $10,000 for charity. But I was so embarrassed because I couldn’t get my buzzer to work right. Now people [who were watching the broadcast must] think that I’m the biggest ditz. I only answered like five questions.
I finally watched Kirsten’s heinous Jeopardy performance on YouTube sometime last year, and she’s right: I thought she was the biggest ditz.
From the article “Getting ‘N Sync”:
Five good-looking guys from Florida form a singing group, make it big overseas and then bring their catchy pop songs back home, where they instantly captivate the American teen market.
Hmmmm. Does this tune sound a little familiar? Yes and no. It’s true that, on the surface, ‘N Sync’s story certainly reads like Backstreet Boys: The Sequel. They have the same manager (Johnny Wright, also of New Kids on the Block fame), the same home base (Orlando) and the same secret weapon (a sexy blond—the baby of the band—guaranteed to melt the female masses). But spend a little time with the tight-knit quintet—James Lance Bass, 19; Joey Fatone Jr., 21; Chris Kirkpatrick, 26; Joshua “JC” Chasez, 22; and Justin Timberlake (the noted blond), 17—and you’ll find that they’re as different from Backstreet as Third Eye Blind is from Matchbox20.
Elsewhere, 98 Degrees is noted, but no mention of Nick Lachey anywhere. Another article, “Felicity Fever,” promises a too-in-depth look at “the set of the most talked-about new TV series.”
There is a centerfold of a movie poster for Meet Joe Black. I didn’t scan it, but I did scan the “Got Milk” ad starring Joshua Jackson.
Of course there are the 1st Annual Celebrity Style Awards: Jennifer Love Hewitt, Claire Danes, Drew Barrymore, Mariah Carey, Cameron Diaz, and Jennifer Aniston all get props, along with Jakob Dylan (remember him?!) and Aaliyah (sigh). I didn’t scan in the other two dudes because they are boring, but both Leonardo DiCaprio and Will Smith received accolades.
Also: holy God, Melissa Joan Hart can barely dress herself. Reese Witherspoon, however, always dressed with the trends and still managed to look cute.
Also: UGH. I really thought this was a fun idea—until I was actually scanning everything in, that is. I encountered some truly gnarly technical difficulties with the Kodak ESP 9250, so I hope you appreciate what I do for you.
January 10, 2012 at 11:30 am by Jenn
Ah, how often we forget that celebrities are actually “real” people, much like we are, and how grafitying it can be to see them doing normal things like going to the gym, buying coffee, and wearing hats to try and disguise just how normal they are.
Here’re the 5 Best Celebrities Without Makeup of 2011:
#4 – Miranda Kerr
This one is kind of a given, because if you’re a Victoria’s Secret supermodel, you’re contractually obligated to look like this. OF COURSE she’s going to show up on the “good” side of this list somewhere.
#3 – Khloe Kardashian
Some of you probably think that it’s a joke, or a mistake, that Khloe ended up on this side of the post, but compared to her older drama queen sisters, Khloe-sans-makeup is refreshing enough to make you forget that she doesn’t look all that great in comparison to what she looks like with makeup. So in the paradox world of the Kardashians, that makes her look AMAZING in the real world.
#2 – Kirstie Alley
Here’s another one that might have you scratching at your head, but Kirstie here is included on the ‘Best’ list because she looks her AGE. And she goes out in public not really giving a f-ck about what people think about her face, and that’s probably more attractive than most of the plasticky people we talk about overall.
Jump in for the worst!
December 28, 2011 at 7:30 am by Sarah
Back then, though, she was just Love Hewitt, which brings an entirely too literal meaning to the lyrics “I’ve changed my face, I’ve changed my name.”
I admit I never watched much “Kids Incorporated” back then, even though I fell pretty squarely into their primo demographic (musical theater and beginner’s jazz!), but now I remember why. This is a pretty uncomfortable video.
November 11, 2011 at 5:30 pm by Jenn
Jennifer Love Hewitt looks awful here. There, I said it. For those of you who still thought that Jennifer paid us to say good things about her, well, I hope you learned your lesson. For better or for worse, nobody tells us what to think, friends, and at this point in time, I think that Jennifer Love Hewitt needs to get out of that ridiculous hot 80′s mess of a frock and hop back into one of her beloved bandage dresses. Except wait … is this a bandage dress as well? Goddamnit, Jennifer! Where did you leave your shame this time?
On a related note, Jennifer is currently working on producing and starring in a television series on Lifetime based on her Lifetime movie, The Client List. Is anybody going to be tuning into that mess?
November 9, 2011 at 5:30 pm by Emily
I know you guys are probably going to, like, drop dead because you’ve run across a post that *isn’t* completely boning Jennifer Love Hewitt, and rightfully so. I mean, it’s obvious that both she and LeAnn Rimes own stock in this site, and we never ever have anything else of real value to do aside from talk about these two women, so it’s probably going to come as quite a shock that we’re here (OK; I’m here) talking smack about the woman I’ve professed to love time and time and time (and time) again.
But the dress? The above photo is from a recent premiere, which she attended, and where she looked gorgeous. But something seemed off to me, and I couldn’t put my finger on it. So I decided to go back through the extensive Jennifer Love Hewitt history we have here on Evil Beet, and I realized why: she has the same exact dress, just in red. See for yourself:
It’s not that I’m really knocking her (I just don’t have it in my cold soul to do it), it’s just that … OK. Jen, Lovey, this dress just isn’t that great. It’s definitely no shapeless sack of glitter, and that’s good, but there’s much, much better looks to go for if you want to buy something in multiple primary colors.