“I read somewhere that Abercrombie & Fitch offered to pay The Situation not to wear their clothes—but who am I to say who should be wearing mine? I do remember someone saying that… what’s Paris Hilton‘s sister called? Isn’t it Nicky or something? Anyway, she apparently talked to someone about my first collection, and was like, ‘I don’t get it.’ I was like, Good! I’m glad she doesn’t get it. It’s not for her. Besides, what’s there to get with clothes? So if Snooki wants to wear my clothes, go for it. I think she’d look a lot better in them.”
—the imperiously icy Chloë Sevigny, who has a new fashion line (via CeleBitchy). No, I know; I promise you’ll have a lot more fun with the quote if you read it to yourself in this voice.
But what is Chloë really trying to say here? Do I detect a barely-veiled attack on Nicky Hilton? Here, let me run that quote through my Mean Girl Translator. Ah, yes: Sevigny said, “I have been obsessed with Nicky Hilton ever since I overheard her complaining about the way I dress. Now I will pretend like I can’t even think of her name. Nicky? I’m sorry, Nicky Who?”
I see, too, that Chloë would be willing to selflessly sacrifice her style credibility if it only meant she could get Snooki out of that awful leopard print. Also, Chloë seems to know an awful lot about the Jersey Shore cast, don’t you think?
What else did Chloë say about Jersey Shore?
“I think it’s really depressing that people are propping these people up as celebrities. The way they behave is embarrassing, and I think it’s kind of diminishing our culture. Most reality TV people behave like pigs, and it’s unfortunate that they get put on pedestals for doing so.”
But! She also said,
“I have to admit, I do find that JWoWW sexy in a really weird way. It’s like that sexy, dirty kind of girl—not dirty, but like a hot mess. We’ve all gotten too drunk and acted crazy at parties, but I don’t maintain that and I’m kind of fascinated by those girls who do.”
Of course! The “Hot Mess” appeal, right. Don’t worry, Chloë, it’s OK to feel conflicted. I actually know exactly how you feel!
For instance, on the wall of my office, I have tacked up a Uniqlo poster* of Chloë—oh, what is she called? Chloë Sevigny or something? Yeah, her. I can’t explain it, but she is bizarrely magnetic. She acts like a total space alien. And I mean, I don’t maintain that, but I’m kind of fascinated by girls who do.
*I am really not kidding. She is posing fiercely with a comparatively complacent Tadanobu Asano, and something about the whole thing really tickles me. Oh, Chloë! So yeah, it’s very much on the wall in the other room.