8Jake Gyllenhaal is Creepy in The Shoes’ New Video

Oh, my God. This might be one of the most disturbing things I’ve ever seen. No joke, ever – in life. Jake Gyllenhaal slitting girls’ throats with fencing … things? Taking drugs? Smoking cigarettes? Bashing people’s skulls off of bathroom mirrors?

Also, this music just isn’t good. I know there’s probably a lot of people out there who like that double-bass pedal thing with the closed highhats, but frankly, it frightens me. And I guess that’s what this video and this song is supposed to do: inspire fear. Scariest. f-cking. video. ever. It’s like American Psycho meets That 70′s Show. Without all of the pretty colors.

I will never look at Jake Gyllenhaal the same again. Donnie Darko almost killed him for me, but then there was Brokeback Mountain and The Day After Tomorrow – which is seriously, like one of my favorite movies – but there is no redemption from this psychopathic music video appearance.

As for the video, I need some theories. I need an explanation. What’s his trigger here? Is he epileptic? Do the flashing strobes in clubs send him off the edge? Or is it this seizure music? Watching others dance convulsively? Is that what does it? Or maybe if he just did dance, all of his weird, murderous idiosyncrasies would disappear. Is that the moral of the story, Shoes? Is it ‘dance or go crazy and kill randoms instead’? And if so, why does it have to be such a hard choice? Some people just can’t dance, you know.

March 12, 2012 at 3:30 pm by Sarah

3New Couple Alert: Jake Gyllenhaal and Rashida Jones?

Either that, or these two just like to exclusively bond over their mutual love and appreciation for good food and wine. I know that there’ve been a good many relationships where visiting restaurants was really the crux of the pairing in my life, and there wasn’t really much outside dining together at delectable eateries, but Jake Gyllenhaal doesn’t really strike me that way, no. Jake is more serious, more involved in his relationships, and I just couldn’t see him spending frivolous time, sitting at a table in some random, faceless restaurant with a woman that he really and truly didn’t care for.

Plus Rashida Jones is hot. Eat your heart out, crazy Taylor Swift.

September 5, 2011 at 4:30 am by Sarah

0Olivia Wilde Moves on to Another Young Hollywood A-Lister … Again

From People:

Jake Gyllenhaal was cracking up and laughing with pals during a lively night at West Hollywood’s Chateau Marmont – but the actor gave special attention to one woman: Olivia Wilde. The two were very flirty, an onlooker says, acting “touchy-feely.” Says the onlooker: “At one point, he had his hand on hers.” Still, the two weren’t overly affectionate with each other. “Olivia was very cool,” the onlooker says, “and wasn’t fawning over Jake but seemed to like the attention he was giving her.” Alas, at the end of the evening the two went their separate ways.

So, Olivia Wilde claims another hot Hollywood male.  Does she have to have her hooks in all of them, like, seriously? From Justin Long to Justin Timberlake to Bradley Cooper … I mean, Justin Long doesn’t really fit all that well in there, so we’ll chalk that up to “mistake,” but the rest? Woo.  George Clooney is single these days, ladies, so if you’ve got some kind of claim on him, you better move fast.  Olivia here might catch wind of what you’ve got planned and beat you to the punch.

June 28, 2011 at 4:30 am by Sarah

1Love It or Leave It: Jake Gyllenhaal Goes Bald

It’s for a movie, though, don’t worry – it’s called End of Watch and he plays a police officer. One with a buzzed head. And while I generally think that Jake Gyllenhaal is one of those dudes that could wear a stop sign as a loin cloth and peacock feathers on his head and STILL be hot, you have to be a certain type to really, really rock the cut-down-to-the-quick ‘do. Vin Diesel? Hot. Would look funny with hair. Howie Mandel? Hot (I KNOW, don’t get me started). DID look funny with hair. Jake Gyllenhaal is hot no matter how you slice it, but the buzzed-down look just isn’t for him.

What do you guys think – and what’s worse, is it nuts that I think Howie Mandel’s kinda bangable?

April 27, 2011 at 7:30 am by Sarah

0We Were Thisclose to Seeing a Picture of Jake Gyllenhaal’s Wang

Are any of you guys having a crap ton of fun at SxSW? Molls is there, and a few of my other friends are there, too, and I have NOTHING BUT LOVE for the city of Austin, Texas. I used to sleep with this one guy that lived in Austin, and he was pretty hot. Mad love for Austin, its people, SxSW and the craziness that usually ensues whenever I travel there.

Naturally, when I’m not there, even more hubbub goes down in the Lonestar State: Jake Gyllenhaal was reportedly in a men’s room at the fest and a dude walked in and took photos of him standing there in all his urinating glory. Rumor has it that some guy snapped the picture of Jake holding his dick, but Jake was suave enough to convince the fan that deleting the picture was his best option. Entertainment Tonight touched base with Jake (bwahahahah) on the incident and Jake confirmed it did all go down:

EW: There are rumors that there was a rather heated scuffle in the theater bathroom last night as a fan tried to take your picture at an inelegant time?

JG: (laughs) That’s true. I think it’s an appropriate space to keep privacy. I hope that people wouldn’t disagree with me on that.

Yeah, it’s pretty nuts that someone would go to such great lengths to take a photo of a celebrity relieving themselves in the bathroom, but hey. There’s a market for all sorts of things these days, guys.

Somewhere, Taylor Swift shakes her fist and demands her money back.

March 14, 2011 at 9:30 am by Sarah

5New Couple Alert: Jennifer Aniston and Jake Gyllenhaal?

Yesterday was Jennifer Aniston’s 42nd birthday – did any of you take the time to send her a card?  It’s ok, I didn’t either, I was too busy trying to find someone to go with me to see the new Justin Bieber movie, but you know who did take that time? Jake Gyllenhaal. He took that time and then some.

Last night, the two were spotted having dinner together, along with a few of Jennifer’s other pals.  The extra friends aren’t important though, because according to some witnesses who reported quick to Life & Style, the night was all about Jake and Jennifer (alliteration is a sure sign that a couple’s going to work!):

“Jake and Jen looked really happy and really seemed to be enjoying themselves,” an eyewitness tells the Scene Queens. “They looked like they were strategizing a way to exit the restaurant probably because they didn’t want to be photographed together.” Shortly after their discussion Jen exited the restaurant with her friends in tow. Though Jake was not in the group, it is possible he could have snuck out the back door while no one was looking.

This romantic birthday dinner only adds fuel to the fire that Jen and Jake’s longtime friendship could be something more. The duo was spotted just weeks ago at a pre Golden Globes party in L.A where they were flirty. Despite their 11-year age difference, Jen and Jake have had a strong bond since they filmed The Good Girl in 2002. “We took care of each other,” Jen has said about Jake. While the timing may have been off in the past, both Jake and Jen are currently single. “Jen and Jake looked very comfortable with each other,” the eyewitness tells us. “They were glowing.”

There’s a pretty high possibility that this isn’t anything at all. Jennifer does play the field a lot – just last month, she was supposed to be in love with Adrien Brody – but I kind of hope this one turns out to be for real.  What about you guys:

February 12, 2011 at 1:00 pm by Emily