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Gisele Bundchen

27The Ridiculously Good-Looking People Finally Had Their Baby

Tom Brady and Gisele Bundchen

Tom Brady announced the birth of his new son in a press conference held today in Boston and called it a “wonderful experience in his life.” I guess the birth of a child is only “the greatest thing that ever happened” in someone’s life when you haven’t won multiple Superbowls and fucked Gisele. After a couple questions were asked by reporters about the baby, Tom cut them off and said, “Let’s talk football.” Over it! He’s over it, you guys! And yes, he will be playing in this Sunday’s game.

No name or details have been released yet, but we do know that both the baby and the mother are healthy. We can probably also assume that she’s already lost the baby weight and will be doing a bikini-clad photoshoot by week’s end.

This is Tom’s second child (the first was his son John Edward, whose mother Bridget Moynahan he broke up with during her pregnancy) and Gisele’s first child. They made it all the way to the birth without breaking up, so maybe we can expect many years and a herd of attractive children from these two.

December 9, 2009 at 3:03 pm by Molls

5Tom Brady is Holding The Gender of His Unborn Child Over His Father’s Head

Tom Brady and Gilele Bundchen

Tom Brady and Gisele Bundchen, who are expecting a baby around Christmastime, are keeping quiet on the baby’s gender until the birth. Actually, just Tom is because he’s the only one who knows. Not even Gisele.

Tom went on some sports talk radio show this morning and according to People Magazine, he’s not telling anyone the baby’s sex, including his own father. “I’m really the only one that knows at this point. My dad asked me. I haven’t told him. [Gisele] doesn’t know. It’s a pretty good feeling knowing something that no one else knows.”

What a dickface. You know why People put Gisele’s name in brackets, right? It’s because he referred to his wife as “She”. “She” is a female cat, Tom Brady! Show some damn respect. And tell your father the sex of the baby. And come over here right now and make out with me. We’re done here.

December 2, 2009 at 5:03 pm by Molls

7Looking Good! Bitch!

Gisele Bundchen

Gah!  Why must supermodels look so fucking perfect even when they’re pregnant?  Where’s the acne?  Where’s the sagging rack?  Where’s the vomit?  Where’s the waddle?  My only solace is in knowing that she’s married to Buttchin Brady.

Gisele Bundchen was snapped confidently striding up and down the streets of Boston today.  While we’re at it, why is she even allowed within the state of Massachusetts?  Isn’t it enough that I have to suffer while my Joint Committee on State Administration and Regulatory Oversight is meeting today to consider naming the Fluffernutter as the state sandwich?  The Fluffernutter.  Not a lobster roll.  Not a turkey sandwich.  A Fluffernutter.  All this sandwich mayhem and I have to deal with Gisele Fucking Bundchen living here?  Hmm … I wonder if she’ll be at the Fluff Festival 2009 this weekend.

September 24, 2009 at 2:18 pm by Wendie
Filed Under: Gisele Bundchen

8Tom And Gisele Sued Over Shotgun Wedding


Two photogs who were at a post-wedding party of Tom Brady and Gisele Bundchen have finally sent a gift along — a lawsuit.

Yuri Cotes and Rolando Aviles were pursued by the wedding couple’s security when they took unauthorized pictures of the party and then refused to turn over their cameras.  Talk about a loss of perspective — Tom and Gisele’s security guards shot at the paps’ car and allegedly came close to shooting them.  They shot guns over pictures and now the happy couple is being sued for $1M.

It takes some gall to crash a party and then sue that the conditions weren’t safe, but it seems so much more incredible that the security guards weren’t arrested for their irresponsible actions.  Let’s hope Tom keeps throwing TDs.  He’s gonna need that paycheck!

September 22, 2009 at 2:40 pm by Wendie

15Tom Brady Confirms That Gisele Will Be Popping Out His Impossibly Good-Looking Baby Come December


We’ve known for awhile now that Tom Brady and Gisele Bündchen were expecting, but her due date has been up in the air. Yesterday, in an interview with SportsCenter, the Patriots’ quarterback revealed that his model wife will be giving birth in December. OK, so not an exact due date, but we’re getting closer to finding out when Brady will become a dad for the second time. Perhaps the Brady-Bündchen’s will have an extra special Christmas delivery?

While Brady has gotten a bad rap for his treatment of his other baby mama, Bridget Moynahan, it seems that he’s willing to suck it up this time and do the right thing by being there for his lady. Well, with one condition: “I told her no Sundays. It couldn’t be harder than training camp, so I’ll be prepared.”

September 13, 2009 at 9:50 am by Molls

20Gisele Gets Instant Tummy Tuck


Gisele Bundchen is the new face (abdomen?) of London Fog’s 2009 Fall campaign.  Obviously LF is trying to sex their image up, which is a refreshing departure from their atrocious winter coats that I used to receive as a Christmas gift every year when I was a child.  I can’t tell you how much those things cost me in therapy sessions.

Anyway, Gisele is pregnant so the LF people were kind enough to give her a little Photoshop enhancing to make her look as svelte as ever.  Sadly, Gisele’s “baby bump” is the average woman’s seemingly unattainable goal.

July 29, 2009 at 3:10 pm by Wendie
Filed Under: Gisele Bundchen
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