Today's Evil Beet Gossip
Florence And The Machine

Grammy Fashion 2013

The 55th Annual Grammy Awards happened last night and all that means to me is that we get to “Ooh!” and “Ahh!” and “WTF?” over what everyone was wearing. There were guidelines this year for what attendees could and could not wear. I mean, really! Here are some highlights:

Please be sure that buttocks and female breasts are adequately covered. Thong type costumes are problematic. [...] Please be sure the genital region is adequately covered so that there is no visible ‘puffy’ bare skin exposure.

Hee hee, puffy! That’s some creative phrasing.

So let’s get to some standouts, for better or for worse.

carly rae jepsen grammy dress

Singer Carly Rae Jepsen may have finally redeemed herself in my eyes after that diabolical BCBG nightmare of an outfit she wore at the 2012 Billboard Music Awards. (Rumor has it someone was fired over that outfit. I hope so.)

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Florence Welch Is A Superhero

This is a video taken at a Florence and the Machine concert. Glorious Florence Welch was singing like an angel, as usual, then she saw a man and a woman fighting. So what did she do? She stopped in the middle of the song and told them to just stop. And then she saw that a little girl was crying, upset over the fight, I guess, so Florence hopped off the stage and went into the crowd to hug the girl. Because she is a motherf-cking superhero.

Ok, hey, can we talk about something else real quick? It’s not related, like at all, but listen: Windows 8 can suck a damn dick. My old computer with the Windows 7 that I so carelessly took for granted, died on Friday (which is another story about how Dell can suck a damn dick), so I had to get another one Saturday morning. And guess what? It died today. I had it for three days. Because Windows 8 is the devil. So I had to go back to the store this morning and get another computer. This one has Windows 8 too, so I’m probably going to have to get a new one by Friday. Isn’t that hilarious?

Basically, Florence is amazing, please rant with me, and if you don’t hear from me tomorrow it’s because I robbed a bank to procure funds to build a time machine to travel to an era where Windows 7 computers were widely available. Or to buy a MacBook. Whichever.

Florence Welch Sat Harper’s Bazaar and Told Them Her New Style Icons Were the Olsen Twins

photo of florence welch harper's bazaar 2012 pictures
No, really, she did. From Harper’s UK:

… Even though it was unmistakably Florence she wasn’t dressed like Florence and she didn’t act like Florence. Even I did a double take to make sure it was her because she looked so chic, so groomed, so not her stage herself. She looked like a very chic Knightsbridge mother. She told me she likes playing with her looks, and at the moment she said she likes old lady chic, like the Olsen twins who she adores.

Well, OK. I mean, she was just one or two steps away from granny-chic to begin with, but taking pointers from MK and Ashley? Is it because MK’s dating that swanky, former-French President relative? Is Hobbity and old and eclectic and being a shut-in the new black?

The magazine doesn’t hit newsstands ’til June 4th, but we have some exclusive quotes from Florence herself (and thankfully, none of them have anything to do with red hair dye or Karl Lagerfeld):

Florence Welch on embracing her native (British) culture:

“I am definitely growing into my Britishness. The more I grow up, the more British I become. I had the best day ever [during last year’s Royal Wedding] – I dressed up and put on a crown and watched it with my mother and sister. We were shouting at the television, ‘Kiss her, kiss her again!’”

On the Queen:

“I feel she’d know the answer to all sorts of questions. For example? ‘Oh, you know, the best words to use at Scrabble.’”

On her latest fashion choices:

“I like to wear clothes that I will wear when I am an old lady.”

On taking off on her fans:

“I did a run-off. I’ve never done one before, but I was so tired from all the touring, I had to go to bed. I left the stage, put my slippers on and ran through the carpark in my catsuit with my cape flying behind me, screaming, ‘Gooooooooo!’”

So, OK. These bits of interview weren’t nearly as bad as I thought they might be—or at least had the potential to be, especially talking about the Queen and what not—but I’m going to reserve my judgement entirely until we get the rest of the interview. In the meantime, check out the pictures of the ethereal Florence in the gallery.

Florence Welch Talks Fashion, Hair Dye, and Karl Lagerfeld to Marie Claire

photo of florence welch pictures photos
And guys? I’m sad to say that Florence is kind of self-absorbed and silly throughout the entire interview, name-dropping when she can and telling everyone who’ll listen that “regular clothes” (as opposed to high-end haute couture) just don’t “go” with her face, and how she doesn’t recognize herself without her trademark fake red hair. As much as I like Florence’s music, this interview kind of makes me sad for her, and for her superfans, too, since they probably thought she was this, like, highly evolved, enlightened being full of light and love and selflessness.

From Marie Claire, Florence on—of course—Karl Lagerfeld:

“I ended up scrapbooking with Karl!” she laughs, recalling a later photoshoot with Lagerfeld. “We were discussing Art Deco painters, and suddenly he started ripping things out of books in his library and sticking things together with Pritt Stick glue.”

And then Florence on hair, immature romance, and clothes:

Between the fiery red mop (“I’m a lifer now—I’ve tried going back to brown, but I don’t recognize myself”) and her assertion that she looks strange in casual clothes (“My face isn’t right for them”), Welch is like catnip to designers. The wardrobe for her last U.S. summer tour was created by none other than Frida Giannini for Gucci. But Welch brings her own dramatic flair to the stunning pieces. “I’ve got a teenager’s sense of romanticism,” she says. “Like when you’re 15 and you think, Oh, I could just die!”

Last, we have Florence talking about—what else?—herself:

“I’m completely in love with the world but also terrified of it. It creates some overwhelming feelings. Wanting to battle out that joy and fear is part of my music. In the beginning I was a lot younger, drunker, and more glib. I’ve learned not to hide behind a veil of irony—to talk about my work in a more honest way.”

So. You guys yet convinced that there’s not a single actor, actress, or musician left alive who isn’t completely obsessed and enamored by themselves? Good God, y’all. Remember when I said long, long ago that Florence Welch could do no wrong? I lied, I guess. This interview rubbed me all sorts of wrong ways.

Love It or Leave It: Florence Welch Stole Ke$ha’s Bikini

photo of florence welch hot black bikini photos pics pictures beach photo
But to her credit, she wears it way, way better than Ke$ha ever could.

I get that Florence’s thing is retro, kitschy-cool, and what better way to show that you’re totally dedicated to your thing than to wear even retro, kitschy-cool swimwear in a place that you’re not apt to be photographed (sorry, girl), but I just do not like that high-waisted look when it comes to pants, panties, or now, at the very top of my list, bikini bottoms. Even if you’re a skinny-Minnie with a perfectly normal, pert bum like Florence is, and has, it makes your butt look WEIRD. I’m talking strange, oblong bum cheeks that look just a tad on the saggy side, and how can anyone appreciate that? I’m sure Florence didn’t head into her closet that morning to choose the bathing suit that she hoped’d please everyone, and that’s cool, but I just do not get the fashion sense that others have when picking out the highest-waisted garments.

Anyway, I figured since I ripped Florence for her swimwear that it might be a nice thing to do in filling you in on what else is going on in her life (aside from, you know, the all-important bikini decision), and word has it that she was hip to getting drunk with Beyonce (but that was way before Blue Ivy was conceived, mind you). From GQ: Who’s better at holding their drink – you or Beyoncé?

Florence Welch: I think Beyoncé might be. I was so drunk that night. Apparently we had a really long conversation, but I can’t remember any of it. We met her again at an event just before the VMAs, my sister was with me and Beyoncé said “Hi Grace! I’ve heard so much about you!” So I must have been talking about my sister, but God knows what I said.

GQ: There’s rumours that you’re headlining an Amy Winehouse tribute gig this summer – have you confirmed it yet?

FW: People have been asking about that but I haven’t been approached by anyone as far as I know. I’ve got tours booked in for the next foreseeable future but if I was available, of course I’d do it. My favourite song? “Back to Black.”

GQ: What is your hangover cure?

FW: I’ve got a little bit of a hangover today so I’ve decided to conduct meetings in my pyjamas. So a pyjama day is a good hangover cure – just start again the next day.

GQ: When was the last time you got in a fight?

FW: I get in fights with my sister all the time. She comes on the road with me and we fight – like sisters do.

GQ: Have you ever had a near death experience?

FW: Not really but when I was a kid I thought I could breathe underwater – I think it was a dream, but when you’re a kid it’s hard to separate dreams from reality. I kept nearly drowning. I’m a really good swimmer now though. I’m a freak, I can hold my breath for so long. We timed me – we did it in the pub the other day – and I held my breath for about two and a half minutes. I’m a freak.

GQ: Describe the way you dance.
FW: With wild abandon!

So, OK. I’m willing to let the whole odd-bathing-suit-thing go on the grounds that Florence Welch is one kick-ass lady whose wacky fashion sense maybe shouldn’t be subjected to the scrutiny of a lowly blogger. I apologize, Ms. Welch, and I kiss the ground you walk upon, alright?

Kelly Clarkson, Jennifer Hudson, and Mary J. Blige Sang for an Amy Winehouse Tribute on VH1

Damn, can these ladies sing or what? However, I personally prefer Florence Welch‘s tribute to Amy, which you can check out right here, despite it’s craptastic quality:

Really, now, no comparison, right? We’re all in agreement here that Florence was definitely way more spot-on in channeling and shooting off a tribute to Amy Winehouse than, say, Kelly Clarkson with her snippet of “Since You’ve Been Gone,” yes?

What You Missed: Highlights from Last Night’s SNL

Photo: Jason Segel with the Muppets on Saturday Night Live

I have to be honest with you: I didn’t watch all of last night’s episode of Saturday Night Live (hosted by the lovable Jason Segel!), but this was not entirely my fault. For instance: right after Segel’s monologue, SNL reaired “Red Flag.” And I was so confused! I initially thought this was an old episode, even in spite of the presence of Muppets. Muppets, everywhere! And then I discovered this was a new episode after all, and so I only felt shortchanged.

I did see the opening monologue, which was adorbs. (Segel is busily promoting The Muppets: Green with Envy, which he also wrote, so of course the Muppets turned up.)

Next came a sketch where they were auditioning celebrities for Regis’ spot next to Kelly Ripa. This skit wasn’t funny “ha-ha”—you could tell that the writers had made a list of every celebrity impersonation every current SNL castmember could do and worked from there. The skit was, however, kind of a barrage of awesome.

I was fairly wowed by Kenan Thompson’s Charles Barkley impression. I don’t really think of the kid as much of an actor, but it was funny.

I have intimated in the past that absolutely everything Bill Hader does will wreck me, and his Garrison Keillor impression was almost too much for my poor little heart. Abby Elliott’s takedown of Zooey Deschanel was pitch-perfect (Elliott is such a good whistler!), while Taran Killam’s Ashton Kutcher was on this side of amazing. Disheartening: Jay Pharoah’s Denzel. The kid is so talented, but this simply wasn’t up to snuff. The audience seemed to hear it, but I couldn’t.

The whole sketch, sadly, was proof positive that there is literally nothing for “featured player” Paul Brittain to do. Sorry, man.

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