Helen Mirren, oh man, don’t even get me started on that trollop. I am so sick of her slutty red carpet outfits. You guys won’t even BELIEVE what she wore this time. That’s right. Look at those platform heels. Guys…she went full Stodden. Here’s a close-up:
I understand why all women of all ages in all of Hollywood would want to embrace the look of Courtney Stodden; she is, after all, our modern day Grace Kelly. And beyond. Elton John is going to re-write “Candle In The Wind” so hard for her.
So you listen up, Little Miz Mirren. You return those shoes EXACTLY as you borrowed them, and I mean EXACTLY. I want to see some spray tan residue on the inside of those thick clear straps. And when you return them, and she says, “It was an honor, your majesty”, try not to roll your eyes even though I know you’ve explained to her at least 10 times now that you’re not actually the Queen. Let her believe, Ms. Mirren. Let her believe.
July 12, 2013 at 5:30 am by Catherine St. Ives
Courtney Stodden at a birthday party, July 6. Because of course.
Happy July! Happy summer! Happy weekend! Let’s celebrate by looking at photos of celebs’ best and worst looks of this week and praising them or making fun of them. What joy for everyone!
July 7, 2013 at 4:02 pm by Catherine St. Ives
E Online was gracious enough to share these photos with us. As you look through them, I recommend listening to this.
June 25, 2013 at 4:30 pm by Catherine St. Ives
My monocole just fell into the china teacup I was holding and I let out a gasp that was heard all the way from Los Feliz to West Hollywood when I heard the shocking news that Courtney Stodden got breast implants over the weekend. I don’t think any of us saw this coming. How could we? Why would we think that a
29 18-year living Barbie would shy away from cosmetic producers? Actually on a less sarcastic note, she did just say in an interview with E Online,
I absolutely love my body and everything about it.
You lied to us, Courtney.
Ms. Stodden is at least very open about her surgery. Way, way too open. She shared photos of her before, after, and during the surgery. My favorite photos are the ones of her leaving the hospital, Some Dude From Lost at her side, she in a breathtaking Victoria’s Secret Pink tracksuit, hoodie unzipped, so we can see her new breasts gently cradled in a godawful beige strapless lace boob shelf. Why am I even describing this when you can see all this raw human emotion for yourself?
The Daily Mail provided us with these timeless photos and also let us know that, “Courtney opted for a DD-cup size saline implant, boosting her already large breasts.” I’m including all the photos, but not the video, because even I have my limits. There’s one photo in there where she actually looks like a teenager. See if you can spot it.
June 17, 2013 at 3:30 pm by Catherine St. Ives
Courtney Stodden is pretty much a modern day Grace Kelly so I was overjoyed to read her interview with E Online about her beauty and workout routines. Unfortunately she doesn’t say anything that interesting or specific nor does she admit to being a 27 year-old living hoax. I wanted some real info here, something like,
“I wake up at 6 AM and jog around my living room in my highest heels, because they really work my glutes. Then I pretend to drown in the swimming pool — that’s really good cardio. For breakfast I have a protein shake made of whey, bananas, and crushed ecstasy tablets. For lunch I have anywhere from 3 -7 green Jello shots. Green only, for the nutrients. I work out again in the early evening, just 1,000 crunches, nothing too intense, and then I spend 4 hours putting on makeup so that I can walk around West Hollywood with my husband, Some Dude From Lost. My dinner is totally insane: grilled salmon, steamed spinach, and brown rice. I know, I’m so bad!”
but no. Here’s what she really said. From EOnline:
I absolutely love my body and everything about it. I work hard at keeping it tight and in shape, which gives me the confidence to show it off and feel great about myself. … Sometimes I wish [my lips] were a little more pouty when putting on my lipstick. So, eventually, I might look into plumping them just a tad.
My stomach [is my favorite body part]. It’s very toned and defined, so I like showing it off!
She says her husband’s favorite body part of hers are her “eyes.” Yeah. Eyes. E! then asked for her tips on looking hot in a bikini and what her diet/exercise regime is.
Work out, eat right, and tell yourself that no one else can work a bikini like you can.
I definitely try my hardest at [keeping in shape] a priority, yes. I do ab exercises, squats, take hikes through the Hollywood Hills and I hardly eat after 6 p.m. on a normal night.
As if any night is a normal night for Courtney Stodden. And her are some of her tips on how to gain more confidence:
Start with looking in the mirror, and point out the parts of your body that you love and wouldn’t want to change. That makes you feel more confident, and when you’re more confident about yourself, you’re that much more sexy to others.
She adds that “A pair of 7-inch heels!” make her feel like a million bucks. There’s a joke here. I’ll let you make it up.
May 29, 2013 at 5:30 pm by Catherine St. Ives
Courtney Stodden always knows how to dress appropriately for any and all occasions, so I didn’t bat and eye when I saw these stunning photos of her strolling around Disneyland and California Adventure in an elegant pink push-up halter top with sheer overlay and 6 inch pink platform spike heels. Some Dude From Lost was at her side, kind of like a bandaid that you’ve had on your body for a while and the adhesive is wearing off but it’s your last bandaid so you’re going to make the most of it.
Say what you will about this couple (some ideas: “What the f-ck is this” and “This is creepy”) but they were celebrating their 2 year wedding anniversary and that’s a lot longer than most Hollywood marriages. So far, Courtney Stodden and Some Dude From Lost have outlasted the marriages of:
– Kim Kardashian and Kris Humphries
– Drew Barrymore and Tom Green
– Nicolas Cage and Lisa Marie Presley
– Katy Perry and Russell Brand
– Jennifer Lopez and Cris Judd
– Pamela Anderson and Kid Rock + Pamela Anderson and Rick Salomon
– Shannen Doherty and Rick Salomon + Shannen Doherty and Ashley Hamilton
– Renee Zellweger and Kenny Chesney
You get the idea.