Courtney Stodden and her new boob shelf spent a lovely evening out in Beverly Hills last night. Of course her guardian husband, Some Dude From Lost, was faithfully and giddily by her side. Mr. Dude From Lost also made sure to flip off a paparazzo that you know they hired to be there.
Why do I write about Courtney Stodden, Modern Day Grace Kelly, so much? Why do I love her? I love her and write about her because she’s simple. She tries, really hard, without resorting to calling people ugly. She does her own weird Courtney Stodden thing, and doesn’t pretend she’s anything more than her image, unlike a certain Kardashian. I am fascinated by her.
So, please. Enjoy these photos. Be in the arms of this angel. May you find some comfort here.
Helen Mirren, oh man, don’t even get me started on that trollop. I am so sick of her slutty red carpet outfits. You guys won’t even BELIEVE what she wore this time. That’s right. Look at those platform heels. Guys…she went full Stodden. Here’s a close-up:
So you listen up, Little Miz Mirren. You return those shoes EXACTLY as you borrowed them, and I mean EXACTLY. I want to see some spray tan residue on the inside of those thick clear straps. And when you return them, and she says, “It was an honor, your majesty”, try not to roll your eyes even though I know you’ve explained to her at least 10 times now that you’re not actually the Queen. Let her believe, Ms. Mirren. Let her believe.
My monocole just fell into the china teacup I was holding and I let out a gasp that was heard all the way from Los Feliz to West Hollywood when I heard the shocking news that Courtney Stodden got breast implants over the weekend. I don’t think any of us saw this coming. How could we? Why would we think that a 29 18-year living Barbie would shy away from cosmetic producers? Actually on a less sarcastic note, she did just say in an interview with E Online,
I absolutely love my body and everything about it.
You lied to us, Courtney.
Ms. Stodden is at least very open about her surgery. Way, way too open. She shared photos of her before, after, and during the surgery. My favorite photos are the ones of her leaving the hospital, Some Dude From Lost at her side, she in a breathtaking Victoria’s Secret Pink tracksuit, hoodie unzipped, so we can see her new breasts gently cradled in a godawful beige strapless lace boob shelf. Why am I even describing this when you can see all this raw human emotion for yourself?
The Daily Mail provided us with these timeless photos and also let us know that, “Courtney opted for a DD-cup size saline implant, boosting her already large breasts.” I’m including all the photos, but not the video, because even I have my limits. There’s one photo in there where she actually looks like a teenager. See if you can spot it.