Today's Evil Beet Gossip
Bristol Palin

Seriously, Guys? Bristol Palin’s New Face Was for MEDICAL PURPOSES

photo of bristol palin plastic surgery before and after pictures photos

Well hell. Look who went to the dentist only to emerge looking like a cheap, brunette Lindsay Lohan clone, just without the fired-up coke stare!

Bristol Palin is trying to save face by insisting her new look is the result of a necessary medical procedure—not cosmetic surgery.

… She told Us Weekly the procedure was necessary so her jaw and teeth could properly realign. “Yes, it improved the way I look, but this surgery was necessary for medical reasons,” she told the magazine for its May 23 issue.

Palin said while growing up she wore braces and a device to correct an overbite. But her dentist warned her there was a still a possibility she would need surgery one day. The single mom declared she would never get plastic surgery “unless I got in an accident or something terrible.”

Palin, who recently landed a reality show of her own, said she was happy with her new look. “I look older, more mature and don’t have as much of a chubby little baby face,” she said.

OK.  Let’s see just how many procedures we could guess that went on here:

1) Brow lift.  If you compare older photos of Bristol (like, recent older photos), now it looks like she’s got a permanent look of surprise etched on her face.

2) Lipo around the jowls and chin.  Sorry, but no dental realignment is going to suck the double chin off your face, girl.

3) Lip injections.  They might have been minor injections, but isn’t that how they all start off?

4) Rhinoplasty.  It totally looks like there’s much more room in between her top lip and the tip of her nose, but hey.  Maybe that’s that dental magic at work.

Either way, we, like, totally shouldn’t judge.  I mean, this is a hard-working, young single mother, and even if she DID get a whole new face to go with her whole new LA-livin’ reality star life, we can’t blame her.  Look what it did for Kate Gosselin, duh.

We Need to Talk About Bristol Palin’s Face Right Now

A photo of Bristol Palin

We need to talk about Bristol‘s face because she went and got a whole new one without telling anyone about it. Gawker pointed it out last night, and it’s been haunting me ever since. What did she do?  And don’t tell me that she just lost weight, because that doesn’t explain her whole new jawline.  Also, do you think she just happens to be looking upwards in this photo, or does she have a bad case of ceiling eyes now?  Can you develop Ceiling Eyes from botched plastic surgery?

I’m sorry to start the day off with so many questions and zero answers.  If it really bothers you, just have a margarita and call it celebrating Cinco de Mayo.

Are You Going to Read Bristol Palin’s Memoir?

Sarah linked y’all to a story earlier today saying that Bristol Palin is planning on releasing a memoir in June of this year, but I want to know if you think she has a story to tell.

On one hand, a 20-year old single mother from a political family that’s starred on a televised dancing competition does sound like someone with an interesting story. Of course people out there want to know what it was like to be a pregnant teenager with a mother running for Vice President of the United States. But then on the other hand, no ghostwriter on the planet could undo how totally dumb the Palin clan is. And with Bristol being as young as she is, is it possible that she could offer some perspective on her situation in any sort of meaningful way? Typically people hold out on writing memoirs until their life has played out a bit more. She’s got a long life of raising that kid ahead of her before we can call her parenting a success.

I will probably pick up a copy of this book because I devour celebrity memoirs and relish in how fantastically stupid and/or poorly written they can be. Will you do the same or just pick up a copy of Snooki’s book

OMFG!!! Bristol Palin Did Something Respectable!

Bristol Palin has done a great job getting on everyone’s nerves this year, but finally she’s done something worth praising. The single mom and former Governor’s daughter has purchased her first home, a cute little brown stucco in Arizona.

Bristol paid $172,000 for the abode, which just a couple years ago sold to it’s previous owner for nearly twice that. Good deal! And don’t worry about her losing it, because homegirl paid in cash. Baller! I was unaware that motherhood and televised dancing paid that well.

Here’s the other good news: Apparently Bristol liked the idea of moving to Arizona because she wants to attend their state university and study broadcasting. Just hearing that Bristol plans to get her degree despite (or perhaps because of) her single mom-status warms my angry little heart. What wonderful news for the future of both her and her son. Let’s hope it’s true.

Anyone wondering if the Arizona lovin’ McCains had anything to do with this?

Quotables: Bristol Palin – Passive Aggressive?

A photo of Bristol Palin

“I have to be happy for Levi’s new relationship because it sounds like his new girlfriend is influencing him to want to actually spend time with Tripp. I sincerely appreciate her influence because [Levi] hasn’t asked to see Tripp in over five months, so I’m happy for this new development!”

- Bristol on ex-boyfriend Levi’s new lady.

By the way, the question in the title of this post was silly, of course she’s passive aggressive.  This little statement is almost as bad as the one I heard when my college roommate’s boyfriend tried to break up with her in our room (I was initially asleep, but I woke up thanks to the sobs and the conversation that lasted two hours) and she responded with “I asked God about us, and he said that we were going to be together forever.  Don’t you make God a liar.”  But I guess we can’t blame Bristol too much.  The delusional apple doesn’t fall far from the tree.

Quotables: Bristol Palin Fires Back at Margaret Cho By Making Lesbian Jokes

photo of bristol palin and margaret cho dancing with the stars pictures

“If you understood that commonsense conservative values supports the right of individuals like you, like all of us, to live our lives with less government interference and more independence, you would embrace us faster than KD Lang at an Indigo Girls concert.”

Remember those pesky rumors going ’round about how Sarah Palin pushed her daughter Bristol into competing on Dancing With the Stars? A valiant effort to repair the damage the teen mom had done by getting knocked up during Sarah’s run for Vice Presidency? OK.  Well this is directly from the horse’s mouth – this is Bristol refuting co-star Margaret Cho’s claim that she is Sarah’s little publicity pawn, while throwing a couple of lesbian-themed remarks at the end of her diatribe, which you can read in its entirety here, for good measure.

Let it be said that I’m SO not a fan of Bristol or – by virtue – Sarah Palin.  And though I do think that Margaret Cho is borderline obnoxious about a lot of things and generally unfunny, I have to say – come the fuck on. Aiming gay, Indigo Girls jokes at Margaret Cho, a woman who will be eternally more successful than you could ever hope to be, Bristol?  I mean, Margaret might be over the top when it comes to her humor, and a lot of people might be turned off at the visual of the bisexual Margaret getting it on with anyone – male or female – but throwing tacky insults around on a Facebook fan page of all places, please. When your claim to fame has something to do with anything aside from being pushed around by a Mama Grizzly mother and being a teen mom, then you might have a shred of credibility. Until then, shut up. You sound as under-educated as you’d assume a high school drop out would.

Quotables: Margaret Cho Vs. The Palins

A photo of Margaret Cho

“Now I am scared I am going to wake up with a decapitated moose head in my bed.”

- Margaret Cho, beautiful comedian and “Dancing With the Stars” contestant, discussing her fears on the repercussions of speaking ill of the Palins.

This all happened on Margaret’s blog, and to clarify, she only had nice things to say about Bristol.  She says she’s “warm and incredibly supportive,” and that she’s proud of her work on the show.  However, Margaret also says that someone who “really should seriously know the dirt really really” told her that Bristol only did the show after being strong-armed by her mom.  Apparently, Sarah thinks she lost the election because Bristol went and got knocked up and tarnished her image (it wasn’t because of anything she did or like politics or anything), and the plan is to pull a fast one on America by making them fall in love with Bristol and her mediocre dancing skills so that Sarah will win the election in 2012.

I trust Margaret Cho, and I think this course of events could have definitely taken place, but would Sarah Palin’s diabolical plan actually work?  Are there people out there who saw Bristol Palin on “Dancing With the Stars,” thought she was nice, and decided to vote for her mom solely based on that?  Please tell me those people don’t exist.