Didn’t you hear? In Touch has all of the details, all of which are pretty ostentatious and semi-unbelievable, but hey. It’s a story about Johnny Depp and I’m RUNNING WITH IT.
Ahem. As you know, Johnny Depp and his long-term, live-in girlfriend Vanessa Paradis (someone who’s way, way more famous than all of the Olsens put together, really, and that’s saying a lot) have been having domestic issues, and even though they were together for fourteen years and have two children together, sources are saying that they’re done. Old news. Moving on.
In Touch is now saying that Johnny was photographed leaving Ashley’s New York City apartment in the wee hours of the morning, and also claim to have photos to prove it. From In Touch:
In Touch can exclusively reveal that on February 27, Johnny was spotted making a hasty exit from an office building connected to Ashley’s apartment building “looking like he didn’t want to be seen,” a witness tells In Touch. In fact, an office worker confirms, “An e-mail went around to the employees saying Johnny Depp was using our building to try to avoid paparazzi.”
It turns out the star, 48, was secretly leaving 23-years younger Ashley’s loft after a sneak slumber party. Arriving in the afternoon of February 26, Johnny hunkered down in Ashley’s Tribeca digs until noon the next day — nearly 24 hours later. “It was quiet in her apartment, like it was just the two of them in there,” an insider recalls, and though no one outside can know what happened, “It didn’t seem like it was just a visit between friends.”
Whatever the twosome were up to during their overnighter, it certainly left Johnny exhausted. When the star finally left the next day, “he looked like he was out of it,” an onlooker said.
Do I believe it? Ha! No. Seriously, unless I see photos of Johnny’s penis, face, and social security card actually entering the vagina of any of the Olsen girls (or, actually, anyone with the last name of Olsen the world over), then I’m not going to believe it. Come on! Please! This is Johnny Depp we’re talking about here. He doesn’t hook up with just anyone, you know. In order for Johnny Depp to issue an up-close and personal genital talking to, lady’s got to be epic. And unless you’re one of the folks who think the word “epic” is synonymous with “bitches killed Heath Ledger,” then we’re just not talking epic, guys. Not really, really epic in the sense that it means, you know, epic.
Nice try, though, In Touch.