8Adam Levine Hates Celebrity Fragrances But Is Releasing One Anyway

Adam Levine is kind of an annoying dick. You see that tiger tattoo on his arm? I was with a friend who was getting her half-sleeve done at New York Adorned some years back when he was getting that done, and I thought my eyes would never see again from rolling so far back in my head listening to this dipshit speak. He was talking as loudly as possible (so as to be heard by everyone, thinking we would be impressed) as he vowed that he wouldn’t go on tour with Maroon 5 before the basketball season was over since he couldn’t bear to miss a Lakers game and going on and on about all the hot chicks in Las Vegas, blah blah. It kind of made me want to go all Van Gogh and cut my ears off so I didn’t have to listen to him anymore. That being said, the latest Maroon 5 album is good pop music and I actually kind of like watching him on The Voice.

Now that I got that off my chest, let’s move on to the news: Adam Levine is the latest in the long line of stars to release his own perfume, despite the fact that he talked mad shit about celebrity fragrances and said they should be banned just last year. I guess things are different when the check is written in your name.

From WWD:

“I didn’t want it to be another bulls–t celebrity fragrance that I was hocking, that I didn’t believe in,” he said in a phone interview with WWD. “At the end of the day, I can definitely say I wanted to change the perception of that. On paper, I’m not a fan of the [genre], but I got excited having conversations with ID Perfumes,” his fragrance licensee.

The benchmark he set for himself: “I wanted to do something understated and elegant — something that people I revere in that world, like Tom Ford, would do, and something I’d be attracted to. I like basic fragrances. I didn’t want to smell like a department store. And there’s an intimacy level that you have to think about. You don’t really want someone to smell you unless they’re really close to you.”

Levine was pragmatic about the necessity of launching a masterbrand rather than a single fragrance. “We had to come to terms with the reality that we have a very big female fan base,” said Levine. “If you’re thinking with your business hat on, you have to think that a lot of the people who are initially checking this out are probably women. But at the same time, as a man, I wanted to create something that I would feel comfortable wearing.”

…

The women’s scent, a floral woody eau de parfum done with Givaudan, has notes of spice, Indian jasmine petals, Australian sandalwood and rose petals, with a drydown of creamy vanilla. The men’s eau de toilette, also by Givaudan, features mandarin, grapefruit and lemongrass accented with amber, sandalwood and cedarwood. Both bottles resemble microphones, in shape and with weighted caps of silver mesh and a black stem resembling the wire of a microphone.

With prices starting at $35 and going up to $65, Levine can swing for it if he thinks anyone but die-hard fans will buy that shit. I saw Britney Spears’ Curious on the discount shelf for $5 and even my, well, curiosity wasn’t enough to let me part with a fiver. Also, a microphone-shaped bottle pretty much assures that you’ve relegated this scent to the 8 to 15-year-old bracket. Even Bieber was smart enough to put his in some rose-shaped glass (though no one bought that stink water, either, outside of the kiddies).

February 7, 2013 at 6:30 am by Jennifer

9Quotables: Adam Levine Has Strong Feelings About Honey Boo Boo Child

“Seriously, Honey Boo Boo is the decay of Western civilization. Just because so many people watch the show doesn’t mean it’s good. So many people witness atrocities and can’t take their eyes away from them, but that doesn’t mean they’re good. That show is literally The. Worst. Thing. That’s. Ever. Happened. It’s complete f-cking ignorance and the most despicable way to treat your kids. F-ck those people. You can put that in the magazine: F-ck those idiots. They’re just the worst. Sorry, I’m so sensitive to that — like, I don’t know, man, it’s upsetting. Just to clarify, I said, ‘F-ck those people!’”

- Adam Levine proving, once again, that he is the king of saying stupid shit.

But really, isn’t there some sort of limit to how much stupid shit you can say per year? At least publicly. The people who interview Adam or his manager or someone should have just been like, “wait, let’s cut that quote, Adam’s already filled his douchebag quota for 2012.” This is just awful.

And really, I know that Honey Boo Boo and her family do some questionable things like eating weird food and playing in mud and stuff, but they’re good people. They’re obviously a really tight, really happy family, and sorry to be so radical, but I think that’s more important than being exactly what society thinks you need to be. This isn’t even close to being “the most despicable way to treat your kids,” and I’m honestly kind of offended that he would even say that.

Also, he said “fuck those people” about a happy family, which includes a seven-year-old girl. F-ck you, Adam Levine.

December 3, 2012 at 2:30 pm by Emily

3Everybody Still Hates Adam Levine

Sorry, but it’s true. Adam Levine is just one of those people who thinks so highly of himself that he believes that he can do no wrong whatsoever, and it’s just hard not to hate people like that. You know, those people who do something that is unarguably wrong and they refuse to acknowledge it at all? I can’t stand those people. Adam Levine is those people.

This new story originated on Monday night’s episode of The Voice (I haven’t been watching this season, is it good?). Somehow the club The Roxy came up, and Adam Levine remembered a story about when Maroon 5 opened for Michelle Branch:

“I remember we opened for her at the Roxy, and they didn’t even give us a dressing room. I hate the Roxy. I’ll never play there again,” ranted Levine.

Then someone on the show tried to show the Roxy some love, but Levine wouldn’t let it go. “Oh, the Roxy is horrible. Don’t ever go there,” he said.

“They screwed us over,” he continued. “And now they’re paying for it.”

Oh, bless your heart, Adam Levine. So sorry you got to play a big club and open for a popular singer and you didn’t even get your own dressing room. I’m so sure you’re still crying about that incredible hardship.

Here’s where it gets hilarious though. The Roxy tweeted a little message to him, saying “We have officially named our dressing room after Adam Levine,” and then a winky face, and then this picture:

Then the owner of the club, Nic Adler, decided to make a statement:

“Maroon 5 played the Roxy at least five times,” he said. “[Adam's previous band] Kara’s Flowers played there like every weekend. I use Maroon 5 as an example of a hard-working band that played the Sunset Strip and played the clubs and blew up. And so when he said that…you know, the Roxy has no control over dressing rooms. If Michelle Branch is playing, it’s Michelle Branch’s show. And if her management says, ‘I want Michelle in this dressing room and I want her band in this other dressing room,’ we’re at the mercy of the headliner. For a band to think dressing rooms define how we treat bands is crazy.

That statement needed a little less reason and a lot more grovelling, if you ask me. How dare this man not realize the greatness that is Adam Levine? How dare he not declare him King of The Roxy and grant him access to every single inch of his property? He should have thrown Michelle Branch out on the street the minute Adam stepped into that building, and then he should have thrown himself at Adam’s feet, begging him to grant him the supreme gift of gazing upon his flawless face long enough for Adam to spit on him. Doesn’t this guy have any idea how the real world works?!

November 29, 2012 at 4:30 pm by Emily

7I Wonder Why Adam Levine Doesn’t Like Music Critics

Oh, you guys, I just gave myself a serious case of the giggles. See, Adam Levine just did an interview with Inked magazine, and he said some pretty douchey things. I know, I know, what a shocker. But I want to talk specifically about what he had to say about music critics. Here’s the quote:

“Music critics are all f-cking idiots. There’s obviously a certain balance between pursuing an audience and pursuing what you love to do, but I love what we do. I would never put out a record I didn’t want to listen to.”

And then I thought to myself, “huh, I wonder what music critics have had to say about Maroon 5.” And then I went on a wonderful adventure.

I found a review for the band’s new album, Overexposed, on CNN that claims that in the new songs, “Maroon 5 barely sound like a band at all.” Adam’s voice is “processed into a kind of high, disaffected whine, like a male Rihanna or an android castrato.” As for the songwriting, “Overexposed‘s self-aware title is just about the strongest wordcraft on the album.” Snap, CNN. Snap.

But then I dug a little deeper, and I found that Hollywood had already assembled a list of the five harshest Maroon 5 reviews. It’s pretty glorious:

From The Washington Post: “Overexposed is a hit-seeking missile that doesn’t just slaughter Maroon 5’s reputation for sincerity, it festoons its corpse with glitter, hairspray and Hello Kitty Stickers.”

From News OK: “Once a real live band whose humanity, however glossy it might have been, could be verified by its mostly organic sound, Maroon 5 now appears to have converted into a silicone simulacrum of its former self with Overexposed, a collection of faceless android pop guaranteed to sound exactly like all the songs sequenced around it on Top 40 radio.”

From the Independent: “Another word for the color ‘maroon’ is ‘plum.’ The sooner this bunch of plums fade back into obscurity, the better.”

From NME: “Why are Maroon 5 still the MOR mavens you can’t defend to your mates? Because Adam Levine still sings like Sting with blue balls.”

From UltimateGuitar.com: “If (like me) you thought that it was virtually impossible for an act as shamelessly commercial as Maroon 5 to ‘sell out,’ think again.”

Man, what a bunch of f-cking idiots, huh, Adam?

August 5, 2012 at 3:00 pm by Emily

25Brandy And Adam Levine Have Important Feelings About Chris Brown

I wonder if there will ever come a day when every single person in the world stops feeling the need to broadcast their opinion of Chris Brown. I’m not saying that in a judgey way, because of course I have my own opinion of Chris, and I do broadcast that opinion on a fairly regular basis, I’m just curious. Will there ever be a time when the majority of us gossipers have the outlook of “Chris Brown, whatever,” or will he continue to inspire lots of feelings for the rest of his career?

Anyway, that day, if it ever happens, is far in the future, because many celebrities are still talking about him in public. For instance, Brandy had a little something to say in a recent interview:

“I just feel like everybody goes through things in their life, and it’s not my place or anybody’s place to judge, I just know that Chris is a fantastic artist and he’s always been supportive of me as an artist, and I just wanted to work with him because he’s great at what he does.”

How many times do I have to say that yes, everyone goes through things, but most people don’t viciously attack and nearly murder their loved ones? Why is that such a hard thing to understand? If you want to focus on his music, fine, whatever, but the “everyone makes mistakes” line gets on my last nerve.

Speaking of focusing on the music (and getting on my last nerve), another celebrity in the form of Adam Levine hates Chris so much that he doesn’t even care about the music:

“Adam hates Chris Brown,” a source tells Star. “And he has no problem telling people that.” His anti-Chris feelings are so strong that they’re affecting his work as a judge on The Voice, which recently began filming its third season. During blind auditions, one contestant sang one of Chris’s songs and did an amazing job, but Adam was so blinded by his hatred for Chris that he took it out on the performer for his choice of tune.

“Adam flat-out told the guy he would have chosen him if he hadn’t sung a Chris Brown song,” the insider says. “He said some people might be over what Chris did, but he isn’t and never will be.”

Well, celebrities, who’s next? Who else has important thoughts about Chris Brown? You can email them directly to me, as long as you don’t include the line “everyone makes mistakes.”

July 18, 2012 at 10:30 am by Emily

5Adam Levine Gives Another Douchey Interview

From USA Today:

Humility, blandness and an aw-shucks bashfulness are staples of the carefully calibrated celebrity interview.

Not so with Adam Levine. “I have a high self-opinion — I don’t need to hide that. I don’t need to be self-deprecating,” he says. “I do believe that I deserve what I have. I don’t think I’m entitled to it. That’s a big difference.”

Levine, 33, doesn’t pretend he’s dateless or recovering from a tormented adolescence. Nor will you find him delivering homespun anecdotes about cleaning his kitchen in an attempt to connect with his audience.

“It’s ridiculous. It’s too much. Can you just be a millionaire?” Levine says. “My mom told me a long time ago — she didn’t know she was giving me this advice — but she said, ‘All I know is, you’ll never change, so you’d better get somebody to take care of your room and get a housekeeper.’ That was burned into my skull: ‘Must make money so I don’t have to do my chores, because I wouldn’t do them anyway.’ It’s sweet that I don’t have to do my laundry.”

Look, I get that there’s nothing super wrong with this little story from Adam Levine. It’s good that he’s confident (or cocky, I think that’s the more appropriate word here), and it’s good that he’s not trying to pretend he doesn’t believe his own hype. And yeah, it would be pretty sweet not have to do your own laundry. But oh my god, shut the f-ck up, you smarmy bastard.

I guess it just rubs me the wrong way that Adam has tons and tons of money for making shit like “Moves Like Jagger” and he thinks he deserves every bit of it. No one deserves that much money for prancing around like an asshat on stage, but Adam Levine definitely doesn’t. And that bit where he seemed to say that his major motivation in making music is to make money so that he doesn’t have to clean up after himself? How does that not just scream “immature douchecanoe”?

June 29, 2012 at 5:30 am by Emily