The National Enquirer is more invested in John Travolta and Kelly Preston’s marriage than John Travolta and Kelly Preston AND I LOVE THEM FOR IT. No one cares more about “Kelly’s woes” than the fine people at the NE. Here’s the latest in what they’re saying Ms. Preston allegedly said about her totally straight husband:
“While John is desperate to keep up the facade of a happy family, Kelly can’t take the lies anymore.
“She gamely played along when John dragged her and their little boy Benjamin to Australia in early April. But she totally lost it a few days later during a vacation in Hawaii.
“Kelly was talking to a friend on the phone about her issues with John when she broke the news that a divorce is probably imminent.
“But then Kelly’s friend scared the life out of her by suggesting that if John gets angry enough over her leaving him, he could try to get custody of Benjamin and their daughter Ella Bleu.
“Kelly burst into tears, collapsed into a chair and started wailing, ‘I can’t take this! He’ll destroy me if I leave him! My life is over!’ Kelly moaned about not knowing how she’d carry on if her kids were taken away.”
Damn, John. Guess she’s not…hopelessly devoted to you. (YEEEEAAAHHH!!!)
It goes on:
“Kelly’s life has revolved around John and the kids for years,” said the source. “And she’s faced one embarrassment after another over John’s alleged gay hook-ups with men. It’s absolutely humiliating for Kelly. [Note: I don't think you have to add "with men" if you're saying "gay hook-ups." You can just say
“But John’s a bully and he’s made it clear to Kelly that if she files divorce papers, he’ll unleash the full wrath of his high-powered legal team on her.
“Kelly is already suffering from insomnia. She barely sleeps four hours a night, and sometimes she’s so down that she forgets to eat.
“She’s dropped a lot of weight, and some days Kelly can’t even motivate herself to leave the house. It’s a very sad situation.”
FREE KELLY PRESTON! Can’t we distract Travolta with Oprah or something? Tell him Oprah wants to meet him in Australia to talk about a brand new movie/album/airline/whatever the hell John Travolta does now, and while he’s gone, get her the hell out of there? Yeah, it’s not going to solve the divorce settlement stuff, but I’m more worried for her about the wrath of John’s “friends.” Just ask David Miscavige’s wife. Oh, wait…you can’t. I’VE SAID TOO MUCH.