File it under “You Didn’t Hear It From Us”: numerous reports this week claimed that Oprah had been crowned godmother of Beyonce and Jay-Z‘s infant daughter, Blue Ivy Carter.
I am pleased to announce that you never read any such thing here at Evil Beet Gossip. But boy, if we had reported it, we’d be eating crow right about now.
Oprah’s bestie Gayle King sets the record straight (via Pop2it):
“It’s absolutely not true that she’s the godmother,” King said. “She’s friends with them, of course, and likes them both very much. She’s working on sending them a baby gift. She hasn’t even had time to send a baby gift because she’s been away.”
See? How could Oprah be the godmother when she hasn’t even sent a gift yet?
That baby better watch out when Oprah does send something, though. Kid’s sure to get fifteen cars and a rehabbed kitchen (you’ll find the keys taped to the underside of your high chair, honey).
King added, “Let me just say, if (that report is) true, it is news to her. It is news to her. You know, she was heading to South Africa when the baby was born.”
Don’t you get it, people? Oprah would make a great godmother, but Oprah is busy. Oprah is very happy about the new baby—Oprah loves babies!—but Oprah has much, much bigger fish to fry.
Check out this photo Oprahtweeted of herself last week (via Celebritology). More specifically, look at her face! Ha ha!
I’m not sure you can altogether make out what’s happening here, so let me just unpack it for you: Oprah is firewalking. (She looks like she’s pretty serious about getting from one end of that carpet of coals to the other, too.) Next to her, in the Madonna headset? That’s famed motivational speaker Tony Robbins, encouraging Oprah to walk harder. Man, I always knew there was something culty about leadership seminars; this just seals it.
Obviously, the photo has blown up on Buzzfeed, birthing an all-new Internet meme, “Oprah Running Away from Things.”
So I just thought I’d toss my hat in the ring and add a few new Photoshops, all while repurposing stories from the past couple days. It’s so topical! So now! Enjoy!
Well hell’s bells. You learn something new every day, huh? Apparently, the National Enquirer has an exclusive interview with an ex-boyfriend of Oprah‘s who said she drove her car into a tree back in ’81 after finding out he was married and had kids. From the Enquirer via the Daily Mail:
Oprah Winfrey tried to kill herself in 1981 when she discovered the man she was in love with was married with children, according to reports. The chat show queen was so distraught that she could not be with radio DJ Tim Watts that she drove her car into a tree in an apparent suicide bid. She even wrote a ‘suicide note’ to best friend Gayle King, who put her on a 24/7 watch after she survived the smash.
In his first comments on their relationship, Watts told the National Enquirer that he and Oprah were ‘both young and at an age when people do stupid things they might regret later’. But he insisted that they were now good friends and that they had both put their past behind them.
The Enquirer reported that Watts, now 59, met Oprah, now 57, in 1981 when she was a production assistant at WJZ-TV in Baltimore. He was the man she would have ‘married in a heartbeat’ – until the night she followed him home and discovered he was already married with children. A source told the Enquirer: ‘She was so upset she smashed her car into a tree.’
Hm. So because this douchebag cheated on his wife and kids with another woman, that drove (ha ha) Oprah to smash a car? I’m skeptical. But wait – it gets better. The guy (who is still a DJ or whatever in Baltimore after all this time) says that bygones are bygones:
“Friends are hard to come by so I’ll hold onto the few I have. What happened between me and Oprah took place a long time ago and we have both learned from it. I have no hard feelings towards her and she has none towards me. We were both young and at an age when people do stupid things they might regret later. We both moved on and are at good place in our lives.”
I’m sooo glad that this guy has no hard feelings over the woman he cheated with. I mean, can you imagine the complete and utter relief that Oprah must feel reading these words? She probably woke up a new woman this morning, and gosh. After looking at that guy, wouldn’t you?
Something about this whole display gives me the screaming heebie-jeebies. The wax figures themselves look like reflections in a funhouse mirror.
Another thing: I am actually vaguely offended by the party hats. No matter your opinion of our Commander-in-Chief, I don’t think his effigy needed to spend his Big Day wearing a paper cone on his head. (Now, Bill Clinton wearing a party hat in the Oval Office? That’s hilarious.)
And finally, can you identify the wax woman standing with President and First Lady Obama? Because I genuinely thought it was Jennifer Hudson, you guys.
Oprah Winfrey was roasted on The Soup this week after a funny paparazzi clip of her was released. In the video above, you see Oprah heading into a building when she’s stopped by a cameraman asking her what he should get his mother for the holidays. Oprah responds by telling him to pick up the Pottery Barn jewelry box she plugged on her Favorite Things show. The cameraman insists that he needs a gift that costs less than a hundred dollars, and Oprah’s reaction is priceless. Not only did it fail to occur to her that not everyone can spend $100 during the holidays, even on their most loved ones, but she looks downright shocked.
If not, big mistake. I mean, I didn’t watch it either, but at least we’re all here together right now, right?
Yesterday was Oprah’s annual Favorite Things episode – you know, the one where she gives away tons of stuff to everybody in the audience – and since this is Oprah’s last season, it was a pretty big deal. Like, it was “paramedics are on standby because somebody could have an aneurysm” big deal.
The audience members got stuff like a diamond watch, a 3D TV, some cool shoes, a sweater, and a Caribbean cruise. And all that’s great, it really is, but the absolute best part of this whole thing is watching people absolutely flip their shit for a straight hour. In the video above, grown ass men fall to their knees in tears. This one woman almost rips her hair out. These people make Justin Bieber fans look tranquil, and I love it.
Here’s another video, and it’s not embeddable, but you can watch audience reactions throughout the show, including Oprah’s little smug smirk and nod when they reveal the cruise. I guess the holidays are really upon us.
I didn’t think these comments were offensive either, BUT, the rest of her interview with Howard Stern was laced with mean-spirited, high school bs comments about 50. Why do people keep watching her show? She’s as funny...
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